Winnipeg Jets 1972 - 1996

Poor, poor Winnipeg. I feel for you. You want your team back sooo badly, but it's never going to happen. Think about all of the city's in North America that have no team, and have waay more people, and waaay more TV sets. Big bad Gary would rather fold a team than send it north. And even if, let's say, Gary got really drunk one night and decided to move a team to Canada, do you really think that you are first on that list? Sorry, but it just ain't so. Realistically Hamilton is ahead of you, and maybe even Quebec City, and Halifax as well. Listen, just because it's absolutely fucking hopeless, doesn't mean you should give up. Here is a short list of things you could do to improve your chances...

1. Get more than 700,000 people to live there. Maybe ask Saskatoon and Regina to come over for a play date.
   
2. Don't be so cold. It's just unpleasant.
   
3. The flys are too big. Maybe get some raid or something.
   
4. Build a real arena next time. That last one was kind of a joke.
   
5. Have you tried joining America? They may let you in, look at Green Bay.
6. Do you have any rich friends?
7. Have you tried Praying?
8. Have yo tried violence? Historically, that has worked for a lot of people.
9. Maybe rename the town? New York 2 isn't taken.
10. Maybe you should drink more. It won't bring you your Jets back, but it will make it feel better....for a while...then it gets worse...soooo much worse.

Check out some more ideas here, at JetsOwner.com

Scotty Bowman clearly remembers WWII.

Hall of Fame coach, and nine time Stanley Cup Campion Scotty Bowman left the comforts of Detroit to take postion of Senior Advisor of Hockey Operations for the Chicago Blackhawks this morning. I guess the big question is, why? Is it because he sees no room for advancement in HockeyTown? Is it because he feels he could use a new challenge in his life? Or maybe it's just to be closer to his son, who is the Assistant GM of the Hawks. These are all very plausible reasons, but I believe it's something much simpler. I think Grampa Scotty may have been bitten by the senility bug.

You see, this happens to 75 year old men from time to time. They just wake up one day and go wondering, and sometimes find themselves in another city. It's Ken Hollans fault for not putting one of those identity bracelets on his wrist. He probably wondered into the local Piggly Wigglys with his pants off, and the police just took him to the nearest hockey franchise in hopes someone knew who he was. But it's not all pant shitting for Bowman, he has many qualities he can bring to the Chicago table. He could be in charge of eating dinner at 4pm, or driving 60 kms on the highway. And if someone in the office needs some toffee, or one of those pill holders, with the different days of the week on them, he will be the first one on the case. Yes sir, Scotty Bowman is a fine and logical addition to the youth movement of the BlackHawks. It's just weird how Detroit didn't seem to put up much of a fight.

Note: The hockey card above is older than Mats Sundin. Bowman is 50 in it....FUCKING 50!

Roy jr. also a spaz.

Jonathon Roy (Son of Patrick) was officially charged today with assault, and unofficially charged with being a piece of shit, after he attacked a man 90 feet away from him, unprovocted, during a QMJHL playoff game last spring. And what a fucking surprise this is, the King of assholes raised a son that is equally, if not more, prone to solving his problems with violence and over-reacting to seemingly common situations. I mean, we all remember his father demanding a trade directly to the owner of the Habs, during a fucking game, all because the coach had the audacity to allow Roy to let in a weeks worth of goals in half a game. And how can we forget the time his wife locked her ass in the bathroom in fear, and Patty ripped the door off the hinges. What a calm and rational person. At least his son is a shitty goalie, and is only on the team because daddy bought it. I would fucking claw my eyes out if I had to undergo another 15 some odd years of watching a Roy spread his shit across the ice of 29 other cities. I think the Canadian Federal Government should do the rest of the country, and world for the matter, and dip the Roy Sacks in a deep fat fryer, so we don't have to put up with any more of their shit. At least then we could move on to the Belfours. Man, don't get me started on those clowns.

The Daily Mats Sundin Report

The Village Voice has reported that Mats is currently in talks with The New York Titans of the National Indoor Lacrosse Association, to coach the team in the up coming campaign. It is speculated that the offer could be a long term deal that would see the Swede earn up to $3,000 over the next 2 years, making it the most lucrative in league history. Nobody from the Sundin camp could be contacted for comment.

Note: If you have any photos or crude drawings of Mats, please send them in. We are running out, big time.

Thirds & Turds.

We gots overselves some of them third jersey logos thanks to the good people (probably) at Icethetics. Wanna check 'em out? Follow me...


Here it appears that Wayne decided to give the coyote head a body. It's nice I guess, I would have opted for this instead.


And the good old boys in teh ATL have decided to do the Dallas thing. I would have just gone with this instead. I feel it has a certain, je ne sais quoi.


Looks like the bruins are taking a trip in the way back machine for this little piece of bread and butter. It's good, but not great.


We already saw these bad boys at the Winter Classic last season. So why is on this damn list? We might as well show a picture of Dan Hinote's wife nude.


The sharks are moving the arm patch to the crest. I for one think that something, something, more pics of Dan Hinote's wife nude.


The Lightning decided to go with something retarded.


And the Leafs.

Joni is hungry.

I was under the impression that the teams provided a pre and post game meal, but I guess I was way off. Joni is clearly starving here. He is treating his nostril like a $20 hooker in a $30 room. Where are we, Cambodia? Somebody get this guy a Nutri-Grain bar.

The Daily Mats Sundin Report

Harbour & Shipping Magazine reported this morning that Mats was seen with Hollywood cum rag, Famke Janssen outside of an Outback Steakhouse in Reno, Nevada last night. The two were reportedly attempting to ride a large dog, bareback, through the parking lot in a failed attempt to "recover lost treasure". Nobody from the Sundin camp could be reached for comment.

Ant't no Party like a Nashville Party, cause a Nashville Party don't stop.

Radulov samples the local seafood.


Jordan Tootoo wants to know if the carpet matches the drapes on a local slut.


Scotty Upshall plays the old game of "vomit on my penis".


Alex Radulov is going to miss American girls.


Toots and Rad share a couple of drunk sluts.

Fuck Sundin and his stupid face.

So you know how Mats Sundin announced, (or at least one of his cronies did), that he would make a decision by August 1st? Ya, well apparently that decision didn't include what team he plans on playing for. And I guess that makes sense. Why would anyone expect him to announce what team he plans on playing for on the date he said he would make his decision? That would be what a human being would do, not a past his prime ass hockey player that seems to enjoy having the world stop and wait for him. And how does he know if he will know if even wants to play by then? If he knows now, why is he holding out til then? Is he just going flip a coin? Fuck that guy. I'm sick of his old face, and hope he gets the bird flu. I guess that's what happens to your ego when you play in the center of the universe for that long. He also looks like burn victim.

Chumps And Dreams

Okay, this story is a couple of weeks old but what other hockey related nonsense are you reading about these days, Glen Murray being bought out? That's what I thought. You want a good night-time story before the off-season bedtime.......

Imagine one day at work you ask for a raise. You think you've done a good, hardworking job and want compensation. But there's a glitch. Your boss says you're a lazy, non-producing sack of feces. You disagree, they disagree and the next morning you awaken to find a note attached to your office computer and it reads: "If you measly piece of useless shit can even find another employer willing to pay you the bare minimum wage then good-riddance, and take it. If not, let's talk shop." What's the ending? Follow......

Stephane Veilleux, a 27 year old grinder and depth player for the Minnesota Wild, awoke to that dream-scape a couple of weeks ago (although I think in reality the note was posted on his '88 Trans Am and not his computer). He had asked for too much money in his contract talks and Mr. Risebrough, the GM of the Wild, said "uh-no, I don't think so, kid". And the next morning Stephan Veilleux had been put on waivers.....and when not one team picked him up (it would have cost them $15,000) he was forced to "re-negotiate" his "raise".

Ouch, that's gotta sting a little. But there's a happy ending; he got a little raise and still plays for the Wild. Actually, playing for the Wild is a sad, sad ending. Sorry for the sad ending, it's not my fault he sucks and no one else wants him...

Why bring up Glen Murray in all of this? Why not. He's old and now getting paid for something he doesn't even do anymore (suck Big Joe's dick) thanks to a buy-out. Think about that while the Stephan Veileux's of our time can't even just plain suck without being humiliated.

In honour of Black History Month (Coming up this February)

By reader request, here it is. A list of every black player in the NHL. Why does the reader need this info? I have no idea, what am I, the FBI?

Shawn Belle (Canadiens)


Donald Brashear (Capitals)


Dustin Byfuglien (Blackhawks)


Trevor Daley (Stars)


Nigel Dawes (Rangers)


Robbie Earl (Maple Leafs)


Jean-Luc Grand-Pierre (Devils)


Mike Grier (Sharks)


Jarome Iginla (Flames)


Georges Laraque (Canadiens)


Jamal Mayers (Maple Leafs)


Johnny Oduya (Devils)


Kyle Okposo (Islanders)


Theo Peckham (Oilers)


Bryce Salvador (Devils)


Anthony Stewart (Panthers)

The Daily Mats Sundin Report

Time Magazine repoted last night that Mats was seen with former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson at a Beauty Contest in Santiago, Chile. They were said to be "drunk as the night is long" and "deperately molesting". It is widely speculated that they were on a fact finding mission for Devils honcho, Lou Lamoriello. Nobody from the Sundin camp could be reached for comment.

Sluts like hockey.

So this is the first post of what will, I'm sure, become an ever growing list of chicks who enjoy the company of professional hockey players. You can call them Puck Bunnys, or Puck Sluts, or Mom, or whatever. All that matters is that we keep track of them, so we can use the information they give us against them at a fture date. This making any sense to you so far? Good.

1. Hillary Duff (Mike Comrie)

2. Paris Hilton (Jose Theodore)

3. Anna Kournikova (Pavel Bure, Sergei Fedorov)

4. Elisha Cuthbert (Mike Komiserek, Sean Avery, Dion Phaneuf)

5. Mary Kate Olsen (Sean Avery)

6. Geena Lee Nolan (Cale Hulse)

7. Alyssa Milano (Wayne McBean)

8. ChaIsabella Scorupco (Mariusz Czerkawski)

9.Kellie Pickler (Jordan Tootoo)

10. Rachel Hunter (Sean Avery, Jaret Stoll)

11. Madonna (Mark Messier)

12. Janet Jones (Wayne Gretzky)

13. Kristi Yamaguchi (Bret Hedican)

14. Candace Cameron (Valerie Bure)

15. Carol Alt (Alexie Yashin)

16. Alicia Ricter (Petr Sykora)

17. Veronica Varekova (Petr Nedved)

18. Sheryl Crow (Alexander Daigle)

20. Pamela Anderson (Alexander Daigle)

21. Anne-Marie Carbonneau (Brendan Morrow)

22.Tiffany Granath (Brad Norton)

23. Kristen Bell (Nobody yet)

24. Charlotte Ronson (Sean Avery)

25.Angelica Bridges (Sheldon Souray)

26. Allison Dunbar (Sean O'Donnell)

28. Elena Alyonka Larionov (Alex Ovechkin)

Got any more ladies to add to the list? Leave it in the comments section.

Bouwmeester is a selfish bitch.

Jay Bouwmeester signed a one year deal today worth a reported 4.something Million Bones, which saddened me to no end. I had high hopes that Jacques Martin would find a way to move him to a real team, allowing me to play my favorite game in the world,...

NAME A FLORIDA PANTHER!

My dream started 2 years ago when then GM Mike Keanen traded Luongo to the Canucks for Bertuzzi and a kick in the chops. Then earlier this summer they took another big stride by trading Olli Jokinen to the Phoenix Gretzkys for a hearty handshake and a half eaten sandwich. And I had really hoped that the last piece would fall, and Jay would be sent to packing and the fun would begin. It would have been marvelous. People would shout, "Name a Florida Panther!" and nothing but sweet silence would return. Sure, every once in a while someone would throw out a guess like Ray Sheppard, or Robert Svehla, but it would be in vain. You see, it's impossible. The Panthers are a team of nobodys that eat shit and like. Without them , the league may be mistaken for a Major Professional Sport, and who wants to live in a world like that? Not me. Oh, the times we could have had. It's a shame, but there is always next summer, there is always next summer.

The Daily Mats Sundin Report

The Chandigarh Tribune reported last night that Mats was seen with lofty Republican, Ron Paul last night at a private screening of the popular summer hit, Mamma Mia! It is not known at this time as to the reason for the secret meeting, but it is reported that they shared a small tub of popcorn with golden topping. Nobody from the Sundin camp could be contacted for comment.

GO....Swastikas?

Yes, that is a Swastika on their sweaters.

No, it's not Berlin circa '44.

Yes, those are women....with skirts on (well, 'cept for coach).

And yes, they were the Edmonton Swastika hockey team. And this is 1916, many many moons before Adolph mania was sweeping through Europe. And yes, like you, I wonder: did they have to disband because of the rise of the Third Reich or were they really not havin' fun anymore?(Ya know, like the "old" Swastika used to represent).

Anyway, I heard their big rivals the Calgary Zimmermans went on to win several championships in the late 60's, early 70's.

NHL Concept Logos: Los Angeles Kings Edition

It's time to look at the woulda, coulda, shoulda in the world of Pro Hockey Marketing. This time we fly away to the star studded paradise that is Southern California, in particular, Los Angeles County. Here are my top picks for better or worse (above). For more head over to the Icethetics blogspot.



Here we have some sort of solar eclipse or star of David or something. I like the simplicity of it, but I don't think that a 4th set of colors for the franchise is a good idea though.



I am all for bringing back the original crown, but the colors here are fucking horrible.



This would be better if it was Bruce McNalls face under the crown. And whats with the giant LOS ANGELES? it looks like it belongs on a roller-hockey jersey.




I always liked the Gretzky era jerseys. Why not just go back to them?




And this is apparently shows Roberto Luongo as a King for some reason.


For more go to icethetics.blogspot.com

The Best of Jeremy Roenick

JR Dancing for the LA hopeful.


JR Singing Tricky


JR with Cris Rock on Craig Ferguson


JR excuses himself for one second.


JR & Burke


JR on The Best Damn Sports Show Period


Next Question with JR


JR & Tracy Morgan


JR Vs Roy


And after all that I find this...fuck.

The Daily Mats Sundin Report

Australian Radio Station, Triple J, has reported that Mats was seen with Music Producer Luther Vandross at a Howard Johnson in Surfer's Paradise last night. It is rumoured that Mats is working on a top secret R&B inspired solo album with the music mogul, and is staying under the name "Magnus Arvedsson". Nobody from the Sundin camp could be reached for comment.

NHL Concept Logos

Do you like really shitty NHL concept art like I do? If you do you are gonna love this. Icethetics is a great blog that I believe started last summer as The NHL Tournament of Logos. It basically put all the NHL's logos up against each in a bracket format to try and see what the best one was(The Habs won if I remember correctly). After that it started to cover the new RBK Jerseys as they were released and it kind of avalanched from there. It's a great place to go and look at all the fan created concept art for their favorite teams, as well as all the new third jerseys that are coming out this summer. I figured I would start a daily post (starting tomorrow) of some of my favorite concepts, and do it team by team. There is some really cool shit, but most of it is fucking horrendous (above). Enjoy.

www.icethetics.blogspot.com

Look deep into my eyes.

IHL stalwarts, The Flint Generals have broken some new ground this week by adding a Hypnotist to the staff. It's unsure as to whether Director of Hockey Operations Ron Sanko has gone completely insane, or if this is merely a brief stop-over on the fast track to corked-forkdom. Head Coach Peter South said: "Basically, we bring in doctors and chiropractors to look after the guys' bodies, this is an opportunity to have a guy in here to talk about their minds." This roughly translates to, "I coach a shitty minor league team in one of the poorest areas of the country, what the fuck am I supposed to do, quit?"

So this semi-interesting turn of events had me thinking, what if a real NHL Team did this? Who could benefit? What good could come of it? Thats what I plan to find out. I took a bunch of NHL Stars and gave their info to a top Mentalist. This is what he says he can do.


Glen Murray

Before Treatment: An 18 year NHL Veteran that had one good year and has been living off of it ever since.
After Treatment: He will realize he's a 18 year NHL Veteran that had one good year and has been living off of it ever since, and retire to explore his first love of cock fighting.


Doug Houda

Before Treatment: A former NHLer now an assistant coach with the Boston Bruins,
After Treatment: A 42 year old Doug will make a comeback to the NHL in the 2008 season and go on to win the Commissioners Award for Achievement in Excellence. An award he donated to the league himself.


Jeff Finger

Before Treatment: Jeff is a 28 year old rookie with the Toronto Maple Leafs holding s a $14 Million contract.
After Treatment: Jeff will be a 29 year old sophmore with the Toronto Marlies holding a $14 Million contract.


Steve Tambellini

Before Treatment: Former Burke Lackey, former Gretzky Lackey, former Nonis Lackey, current Gillis Lackey.
After Treatment: Tired of always being the bridesmaid and never the bride, Steve will take matters into his own hands and find the money to buy his own NHL franchise, the Nashville Preditors. He will move them to his hometown of Trail, BC. and name re-name them the Smoke-Eaters after the great team that brought Canada back World Championship Gold in 1939. He will die pennyless at age 45.


Mats Sundin

Before Treatment: An NHL Superstar that apparently has too much money and all the time in the world.
After Treatment: Captain of the Florida Panthers, and 2-time Stanley Cup Champion. Wait, what?


Gary Bettman

Before Treatment: President of the NHL.
After Treatment: President of the NHL and a healthier body image.



Kontinental Hockey League

Before Treatment: Russian start up league with money to burn.
After Treatment: After only 5 years in existence, the KHL will realize that there is no money in Ice Hockey and successfully create the KFL- The Kontinental Football League. It will easily go on to be the 2nd largest sports brand in the world behind the suprisingly successful re-formation of the World Hockey Assosiation.