Showing posts with label murray. Show all posts
Showing posts with label murray. Show all posts

18.9.08

The HockeyDump NHL Award Forecast



So it's that time of year where all the hockey blogs start making their forecasts of the upcoming year, and we are no different. except, we aren't picking the exact same players.

Art Ross -Joe Thornton

Hart - Roberto Luongo

Vezina - Roberto Luongo

Norris - Sergei Zubov

Calder - Jakub Voracek

Rocket - Dany Heatley

Jennings - Who cares.

Jack Adams - Andy Murray

Presidents - San Jose Sharks

The Cup - Coming Soon

5.9.08

The Ottawa Canucks



What is with the army of ex-Canucks storming the nations capitol?

Brad Isbister?
Jarkko Ruutu ?
Alex Auld?
Ryan Shannon?

Someone should phone up Bryan Murray and let him know that Byron Ritchie and Aaron Miller are still available.

Note: And doesn't Ryan Shannon just look as pretty as a baby pony with his shiny little trophy.

29.7.08

Chumps And Dreams


Okay, this story is a couple of weeks old but what other hockey related nonsense are you reading about these days, Glen Murray being bought out? That's what I thought. You want a good night-time story before the off-season bedtime.......

Imagine one day at work you ask for a raise. You think you've done a good, hardworking job and want compensation. But there's a glitch. Your boss says you're a lazy, non-producing sack of feces. You disagree, they disagree and the next morning you awaken to find a note attached to your office computer and it reads: "If you measly piece of useless shit can even find another employer willing to pay you the bare minimum wage then good-riddance, and take it. If not, let's talk shop." What's the ending? Follow......

Stephane Veilleux, a 27 year old grinder and depth player for the Minnesota Wild, awoke to that dream-scape a couple of weeks ago (although I think in reality the note was posted on his '88 Trans Am and not his computer). He had asked for too much money in his contract talks and Mr. Risebrough, the GM of the Wild, said "uh-no, I don't think so, kid". And the next morning Stephan Veilleux had been put on waivers.....and when not one team picked him up (it would have cost them $15,000) he was forced to "re-negotiate" his "raise".

Ouch, that's gotta sting a little. But there's a happy ending; he got a little raise and still plays for the Wild. Actually, playing for the Wild is a sad, sad ending. Sorry for the sad ending, it's not my fault he sucks and no one else wants him...

Why bring up Glen Murray in all of this? Why not. He's old and now getting paid for something he doesn't even do anymore (suck Big Joe's dick) thanks to a buy-out. Think about that while the Stephan Veileux's of our time can't even just plain suck without being humiliated.



26.7.08

Look deep into my eyes.



IHL stalwarts, The Flint Generals have broken some new ground this week by adding a Hypnotist to the staff. It's unsure as to whether Director of Hockey Operations Ron Sanko has gone completely insane, or if this is merely a brief stop-over on the fast track to corked-forkdom. Head Coach Peter South said: "Basically, we bring in doctors and chiropractors to look after the guys' bodies, this is an opportunity to have a guy in here to talk about their minds." This roughly translates to, "I coach a shitty minor league team in one of the poorest areas of the country, what the fuck am I supposed to do, quit?"

So this semi-interesting turn of events had me thinking, what if a real NHL Team did this? Who could benefit? What good could come of it? Thats what I plan to find out. I took a bunch of NHL Stars and gave their info to a top Mentalist. This is what he says he can do.


Glen Murray

Before Treatment: An 18 year NHL Veteran that had one good year and has been living off of it ever since.
After Treatment: He will realize he's a 18 year NHL Veteran that had one good year and has been living off of it ever since, and retire to explore his first love of cock fighting.


Doug Houda

Before Treatment: A former NHLer now an assistant coach with the Boston Bruins,
After Treatment: A 42 year old Doug will make a comeback to the NHL in the 2008 season and go on to win the Commissioners Award for Achievement in Excellence. An award he donated to the league himself.


Jeff Finger


Before Treatment: Jeff is a 28 year old rookie with the Toronto Maple Leafs holding s a $14 Million contract.
After Treatment: Jeff will be a 29 year old sophmore with the Toronto Marlies holding a $14 Million contract.


Steve Tambellini


Before Treatment: Former Burke Lackey, former Gretzky Lackey, former Nonis Lackey, current Gillis Lackey.
After Treatment: Tired of always being the bridesmaid and never the bride, Steve will take matters into his own hands and find the money to buy his own NHL franchise, the Nashville Preditors. He will move them to his hometown of Trail, BC. and name re-name them the Smoke-Eaters after the great team that brought Canada back World Championship Gold in 1939. He will die pennyless at age 45.


Mats Sundin


Before Treatment: An NHL Superstar that apparently has too much money and all the time in the world.
After Treatment: Captain of the Florida Panthers, and 2-time Stanley Cup Champion. Wait, what?


Gary Bettman


Before Treatment: President of the NHL.
After Treatment: President of the NHL and a healthier body image.



Kontinental Hockey League

Before Treatment: Russian start up league with money to burn.
After Treatment: After only 5 years in existence, the KHL will realize that there is no money in Ice Hockey and successfully create the KFL- The Kontinental Football League. It will easily go on to be the 2nd largest sports brand in the world behind the suprisingly successful re-formation of the World Hockey Assosiation.