There is a storm a brewing...

So where was I? Right, I was reminiscing about my brilliance in predicting everything there is to do with hockey. Some people call my unique ability a gift from God, I say, I am just a man. The smartest man that ever walked this green, green earth.

This last April 2nd, I made a post on this very site where I predicted that The lowly Carolina Hurricanes would triumph their way up the warm playoff road to the Eastern Conference Finals. My bold prediction was not welcomed with open arms. But who would dare go against my amazing words you ask? None other than my linemate of freedom, HockeyDump's Spec7ral himself. In fact here is his slanderous quote...

"Carolina making it to the third round makes me laugh vomit until I puke snot." -Spec7ral

I know. Shocking. But why am I bringing this up now you ask? What benefit could there possibly be for writing this beyond my rubbing my own ego? Could it be that I have some sick need to publically call out a fine and respected blogger like Spec7ral for my own benefit? Am I really that petty? Do I really need this kind of attention? Yes. But that is not why I am posting this. I am posting this merely because, he would have done the same for me. And that is in the HD charter (which you can find to your right). It states:

4. HockeyDump can and will single you out just because it felt like a fun thing to do at the time.

And it did indeed feel like a fun thing to do at this time. And don't get me wrong, that slippery bastard will find any way he can to shove his pen up my cornhole in return. So feel I my work here is done. I leave a crippled man as a king. I don't know many facts in this life, but one fact for sure is, I am the greatest hockey mind this universe has or will ever see. I am the definition of the word, Wonderful.

Also, Spec7ral predicted the Rangers in the Conference Finals.

Crazy Talk

Everybody loves predictions, especially at this time of year. So here we go, Hockey Dump style:

Detroit vs. Chicago:

All I have to say is Chicago is Anaheim without mustaches....

Chicago is faster than puberty. Detroit is quicker than hair.

Detroit will win (in 6).


Pittsburgh vs. Carolina

Staal vs. Staal. Boring vs. Boring.....except Eric is actually amazingly good.

Fleury vs. Ward. One of them has already urinated in the Cup.

Carolina will win (in 5).


Here's an unrelated slick hockey move to keep you happy:

The Pes-Satan Project

So I figured it out this morning. I mean, obviously the Pens needed to clear some cap space for old man Guerin and Chris Cuntys, but there is actually bigger plan here. The REAL reason they sent Satan down to the minors was to develop chemistry with the most sexually volatile hockey player alive: Janne Pesonen.



Pesonen's resume includes: being a grenade specialist in the Finnish Army, leading the Finish elite league in goals and points, winning 4 championships in 6 seasons with Karpat, and being stuck in the minors for the Pittsburgh Penguins (a team that has no wingers unless you count the newly squired and aforementioned Guerin and Kunitz, or possibly Petr Suckora) for an entire season.

Satan's resume includes: Having a cool last name.



So what after they develop this chemistry you ask? Well they bring them both up to play with Geno for the playoffs, as Guerin and Suckora will be on the IR by then. What good will it do when their Center hasn't played a game with them, and the Penguins will lose two parts of their 7 game winning streak? Don't worry, it's not like Shero and Blysma came up with the plan...