Is it really a controversy if only one person is paying attention?

I have been keeping pretty close tabs on the goaltending situation in Los Angeles. I find the team exciting, and I have them pegged as a Stanley Cup contender this year. I mean, fuck, LOOK AT THEM. They are great. The only thing that may be holding them back is their goaltending. Well technically I guess it is their coach. I have no fucking idea who their coach is, but I'm putting my money on him being the one that keeps putting this guy in net:

For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why they kept playing this guy, especially in back to back games. This photo shows why. Not because he is dressed up as the Hulkster. Not because he has "the belt". It's because he has a polish kielbasa shoved down his shorts. I'm guess the coach has a rat the size of my pinky finger. When he saw the mortadella in the dressing room, he fell in love with member -envy and refuses to give this stud a chance:
Maybe if the Kings hired Graham James, Ersberg would get a shot, being that he looks like a lost 10 year old.

In other news, while I was skulking around the Kings website, I came accross an amzing story! One of charity, and heroes, and pixie dust for all the children!! Dustin Brown is donating $50 to charity for each one of his body checks this season. Way to go! If he matches his hit total from last year, that would be less than $16,000 dollars. Maybe I shouldn't be complaining...maybe I should sing the praises of a young man giving back to the community. Or maybe I should draw an analogy to me donating less than 1% of my annual salary everytime I jacked off, so I could get a tax deduction. Because that's what this smells like to me. Charity semen.

Knee deep in celebs.

So with all the hockey blogs losing their respective shit over the fact Mats Sundin is going to be playing in this big Celebrity Charity Hockey Game in Toronto, I thought I would do some investigating of my own on the game itself. It turns out that you don't legally have to have actual celebrities to call it a celebrity game. You see, the list of Hollywood heavy hitters committed to the event include:

Alan Thicke (Growing Pains)

DB Sweeney (The Cutting Edge)

Cameron Bancroft (I have no idea)

Jason Reitman (Directed Juno, and those NHL commercials)

Tim Robbins ( A bunch of shit)

So basically, the game that is packed with NHL stars had just enough cache to bring in a B-Lister, a C-Lister, 2 D-Listers, and some dude that may or may not mow my lawn. Where are the old stand-bys? Where is Jason Priestly, Matthew Perry, and Dennis Leary? Those are 2 solid C-listers and a D lister right there. And what about throwing a pair of skates on Elisha Cuthbert, or one of the other hockey skanks? Don't they count? All I'm saying is that if you can't bring in any real celebrities, then don't bother calling it a celebrity game. You might as well call it the "Direct to DVD Super Challenge!"