PANSIFICATION and other things that are wrong with our world.

Fuck here we go. This is the kind of shit that makes my brain bleed.

I was perusing the hockey blogosphere (fuck, did I just use that fucking word?) and found myself over at "Gripping the Stick Too Tight" and came across a magnificent post on the current debate revolving around fighting and it's place in the game of hockey. Make sure you click on the "beat to death with my own shoe" link. Fucking glorious.

Anyways, I felt the need to touch on Nuug's link to an article in The Globe and Mail. The article is about a gay rights group and their objection to the use of the term "pansification".

I am all for the fags getting married, being able to vote, being able to walk down the street without getting spat on and the fact that they are humans that should not be worried about getting their heads kicked in every time they leave the house. This is not nazi Germany or Missippi in the 50's last time I checked (although there are probably still places in the world where that actually is the case, I just haven't checked those places. If they do exist, and you are reading this, I have some advice for you: leave.).

What I am NOT for is gay rights groups perpetuating stereotypes. The first definition I found referred to pansy (other than the flower) being first and foremost a term describing a man or boy as effiminate. The last thing we want is for hockey to be effimante, and personally the last thing I want taken out of the game is fighting. Add shoot-outs, get rid of icing, implement mandatory visors, make werid lines where the goalies aren't allowed to touch the puck, make the nets bigger or smaller or festoon them with pink streamers. Ok, maybe not the last thing. Point is, some if this has happened and some is probably forthcoming, but none of this shit takes away from me wanting to watch a hockey game.

By objecting to the term pansification this group is:

1) Solidifying a term that meant effiminate becoming a derogatory term for gay men.

2) Probably getting Mike Milbury into wikipedia and maybe even a dictionary (let's not forget Stephen Colbert and "truthiness") for coining a stupid term.

3) Making my fucking brain bleed on a hungover sunday.

4) Being hyper-gay.

There are some prety tough gay dudes in the world. There are some pretty pansy-ass straight dudes in the world too. Fuck Crosby looks like he's wearing lipstick, take a look at Taylor Pyatt's eyelashes. Neither are effiminate, but...

Fuck I don't even know where I was going with this...

Bottom line:

THE TERM WAS NOT FAGGIFICATION. LET. IT. GO.

Happy Dunce Year, Fuckfaces!

Okay, jizzmoppers, here we go. The shit I learned from Dongy-Dong-Dongle Chezwick tonight on Coach's Corner, is as follows:



It's a good thing that hockey is played in slow motion. Cause that's how Dongle likes it. That's why anytime a player goes into the boards with an opposing player's stick in the general vicinity of their feet, it's obvious that there was malicious intent (although if you're Justin Williams you're still a "good kid" and you don't get the full Chezzy berating). I wish sex was in slow motion the other night, maybe then I could have stopped my dick from jackhammering, mid-thrust, into my girlfriend's chode.



Ron McClean isn't supposed to ask Dongle questions about Sid the Skid unless he has consulted him before hand. Maybe they should take the 10 second muzzle off and Ron and Dongle can just tape it in bed together when they wake up.



Skidmark Crosby is in a funk because he signs hockey sticks for people. I guess if all the NHL Superstars go back to the old school way of fucking hookers, doing blow and whatnot before games, shit would be good.



Without Geezer Roberts and Ryan Malone (he's having a great year without Crosby) the Pens are not the same team. I think he meant that in a negative way...?

Don Cherry laughed when they put a black man on screen for the juniors. Seriously. There was nothing funny he was interjecting, they just splashed a clip of the kid (PK Subban) and he started chuckling. Holy Shit. Are my taxes still paying this guy?



Take fighting tips from Wayne Gretzky. Ok, I admit it's BS to have a visor on during a fight and Wayne should have been mad. But who takes fighting tips from Little Miss Muffet? While on the subject, notice how he abslutely layed into Artyukhin for it, but the fact Clutterbuck did it was forgivable? Russinas give us Vodka Dongle. You should be sucking his 80 proof cacksnaggle.



Collapse is an intellectual's word. Really? Because coach Dongle used to call it "coming in" anyone who uses the correct term (collapsing in the defensive zone) is an intellectual? This is actually the best point he's ever made, as most crackheads have more brains in the tip of their coke nail than Dongle has in his entire pruny body.



Dead soldiers are "beautiful boys". We were treated to another war glorification, in which Dongle also managed to put his latent homosexuality front and center with his comment.

This was probably a little over the top, but I had to make up for lack of posts lately. Banzai!

Side Note: I still don't have photoshop, I'm using Paint.net, which, although free, is a poor substitute. Can we start a donation to buy me phtoshop or what?

Closeted-gay-deadbeat-dads rejoice!

Glen Anderson will be inducted into the hall of fame. This is a great time for all the deadbeat dads of the world who have foregone making their child-support payments, especially those with two homes in the Carribean islands who spend their spare time golfing.


That is a picture of Glenn spending time with someone else's child.
Notice the white pants?

We here @ HockeyDump, are still working feverishly to try and substantiate the following rumour: When Wayne Gretzky uttered the famous words "I promised Mess I wouldn't do this" @ his press conference to announce his trade from the Oilers, he was referring to "outing" the passionate love-affair between Mark and Glenn.



That conjures such a disgusting visual image that I vomited slightly.

In other news that doesn't involve hockey players fucking each other, but does involve Andersons from British Columbia, Pamela Anderson has huge fucking tits.

Ray Ferraro for the win.

I had no idea this happened, but apparently TSN hired Ray Ferraro sometime in the last couple of days or weeks or something. The reason I am surprised is because in my opinion (not IMO, because that is gay, and not gay in a homophobic way, but gay in a gay way), Ray Ferraro is the best hockey analyst going today. The guy is a tiny ball of hate that could snap at any minute. He's like a timebomb that just floats around telling other broadcasters that their opinions are wrong, and periodically stopping to sleep with Cammy Granato. Well done TSN, this almost makes up for that whole Glenn Healy fiasco.

Note: Google image searching "Ray Ferraro" and coming up with this gem has officially made my day. It looks like Helen Keller did it.

Note 2: Below you will find the video of Stefan's infamous empty net attempt in Edmonton, Ferraro is the colour guy making Patrick want to slit his wrists.

Hello there.

So I was flipping through the old internet when I stumbled across this bad boy. It appears that its a jersey made to look like a cartoon cowboy, and don't the players look happy about it. I have no idea what team this is, but damn. I would love to have been in on the meeting where this was brought up as a concept. Who owns this team? A gay toddler?