The fucking idiots are out

Fucking great. Just fucking great. It's all of 3 months and 5 days old, and guess what I had to endure at work today?

Jersey-sightings. Pre-season talk. The jaw-dropping elan of Chanook fans prancing around my fucking city as if it was the beginning of a Cup-defense season.

Hey... MORONS: YOU FUCKING LOST THE STANLEY CUP FINALS IN ONE OF THE MOST EPIC, DYNAMIC, UNHEARD-OF IMPLOSIONS SINCE EINSTEIN SPLIT THE FUCKING ATOM!

Truth be told I don't think splitting an atom is a true implosion, but I don't fucking care. Facts impeding my analogies are the least of my problems with these fucking yahoos back on the loose.

Chanook fans should all suffer the ravaging pain of nuclear aftermath. Only the Buffalo Bills losing 3 Superbowls in a row could trump this. The Canucks absolutely shit their pants. Destroyed their fucking Cooperalls harder than a geriatric shotgunning a 4L of Prune Juice after a bean buffet at Foody Goody. I believe their delusion now not only surpasses that of the average Leaf fan, it exponentially obliterates it.

NFL is my drug of choice (other than whatever liquid with a 4% or higher alcohol volume I can get my hands on). I have to wait 7 FUCKING MONTHS between games of meaning. These fucking Chanuckle-heads got to watch their rancid excuse for a hockey club for one month MORE THAN MY WAIT BETWEEN GAMES.

But not this year. This year I learn the black magic. I learn the voodoo. I put a hex on the fucking Seedinks and that greasy muppet they call Robby BLue. I hope that they finish tied for 8th with the fucking Blackhawks and get edged out by the Hawks goal celebration song and a Toews hit on some Canucks Place unfortunate.

Do you want to know what I did during the 4 Bruins wins in that series? I slept. Not on purpose, except for Game 7. I was so gassed from work the previous 3 Bruins wins I had taken a nap. It seemed to do the trick so I came home and put myself to bed instead of watching Game 7. And guess what happened? I woke up to a riot in my city. And I fucking LOOOOOOOOOOVED IT!!!! I threw on the song "Black and YEllow" and I danced around in my fucking underpants. Look at all those idiots showing how classless the fans in this city are! TARNISH THE SHITTY IDIOT FANS!

I told this story to a high-school friend at someone's birthday party (we used to watch Canucks games when I was fan years ago) and he literally got up and left the party. SCORE ONE FOR NON-CANUCKS FANS EVERYWHERE!

The cops should have rode around today and picked up every dirtball wearing a jersey and thrown them in jail for reasons of city security.

Whatever. Fuck you low-life shitbag motherfuckers. Your delusion of future possibility only makes the tears of yesterdays past that much sweeter, even if they've hardly had time to dry.

The State of Cheese

Actual Poll Question from page 15 of this months issue of Sports Collector's Monthly:

Which team will have the most points at the All-Star break?

a) Los Angeles Kings

b) Carolina Blue Jackets


Wow...

So first, I don't know what I like better, the fact that they have included the Los Angeles Kings in the conversation, or the fact that they have also added a team that doesn't even exit.

Also, I would like to add that question 22 claims that Presidents Trophy is awarded to the highest scoring team (when it's the team with the most points),and question 18 gives the options of Price, Giguere and an injured Brodeur as Vezina candidates.

But the best part of this amazing piece of spots journalism has to be the opening paragraph...no shit, this is it....

"Have you ever been watching a game and the announcer says something so utterly ridiculous it leaves you wondering how he was granted his press credentials and perhaps more importantly, how he got to be a so called expert?"

It then goes on to self congratulate it's staff for being "typically right on the money".

In case you were wondering, Sports Collector's Monthly is based in Wisconsin. Yup, THAT Wisconsin. God Bless America.