Ain't no Party like an OV8 Party, Cause an OV8 Party don't stop.

Q: What do you get when Alexander Semin, Sergei Fedorov, Boris Yeltson and a gaggle drunk sluts all get together to celebrate the human inigma that is Alexander Ovechkin?

A: This.

Boobs.

All-Star Game (Porn Edition).

Ok, so you remember at last year's All-Star game in Hotlanta, (I know, I hate that shit too, but I am trying to up the "Urban" readership), during the skills competition, they had that celebrity judged trick shot competition thing? You don't? Oh.

Well, they did do that thing, and it was the shittiest thing that ever happened in the history of mankind. Why? Well, I'm glad you asked. You see, the moves by the likes of Ovechkin and company where amazing, but none of them could score. You see apparently, the goalies didn't exactly warm up to the idea of being the bitchs of the situation. So really, all you had was some sweet stick handling, and a mediocre save. RATINGS GOLD.

I am basically on this rant because today the announced they are going to fix last years "situation", by grabbing some local amateur goalies, and shoving their fat asses in net for the whole thing. Wow, really? Isn't that kind of like getting some super hot porn star, gussing her up to the tits, and then bringing some fat fuck in there to plow her? Wait. That is exactly what happens in porn isn't it? Hmmm. Maybe this won't be so bad after all. As long as they don't make Getzlaf do any DP, this could be the best All-Star Game ever!

Second thought, Getzlaf getting it from both ends might just be that little something that finally makes America open their eyes to this "Hockey" we've been pedaling all this time. And side note, the biggest celebrity judge last year was some guy named Taylor Kitsch, who may or may not be a mailman. Fuck, let's just bite the bullet and get Elisha out on the ice. At least you know the players will have a little fun with her after right? That bitch has seen more NHL rubber than Gary Cheevers face. Zing!

Shanahan > Sundin

Shanny scores in his first game back?
How long did it take Sundin?


Like a fucking month after he signed?

Didn't Sundin have like a 10 practice conditioning stint?
Shanny justs waltzes onto the ice, almost 40, and is in midseason form?
I wonder if he is getting paid 10 mil a season?
Probably fucking not.

Sean Avery didn't say anything that isn't 100% true.

"I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight."



By now you have all heard what Sean said, and have probably already made up your mind on what side of the fence you fall, so I'm not going to to preach to you one way or another, I'm just going to say that there are a lot of whiney bitches out there in the blogosphere, and most to all of you need to have your diapers changed.

Fuck you,

-Davey

PS - Avery is one of only a small handfull of hockey players that aren't boring as shit.

PPS - Bettman can't market hockey.

PPPS - Sean Avery didn't say anything that isn't 100% true.

PPPPS - I guess I am going to preach a little.

PPPPPS - But still, fuck you.

I would rather watch High School Musical 1 through 4, than watch one minute of this filth.

Schtick on the ice: The hockey musical.

Yes.

That is what I just typed.

I know...

I know.

I don't know how exactly I stumbled across this website, but ho-ly-shit. Is this for fucking real? This is like the plot of a Christopher Guest film!

FACT: There is no fucking possible way that this is even remotely bearable.

I can't even seem to put a clear thought together in my head about this, let alone a coherent paragraph. Why the fuck does this exist? Is it just to bother me? Am I being punk'd???



Seriously?.....WHAT THE FUCK???

Note: I drew you in with the Vanessa Hudgens pic, and then fed you the turds from the Hockey Musical story. See how we treat our readers here? It's amazing you keep coming back.

Note 2: Everytime I post a picture of a slut the hits double, so why is this not just a porn site?

Someone get that chick a sweater.

If you thought that the Ice Girls in the NHL was good, watch the video below and see what the hockey fans in Slovakia are getting for in between play entertainment.



Is this the standard over in Europe? If so, we should really get some expansion teams over there stat.

Sluts like hockey Part 3

So what do you think of when you think of HockeyDump? Thats right, untopical posts, and the great list of Hockey Sluts. It's our bread and butter (unless of course you count that post we did about Dustin Brown's penis). Anyways, it appears another site has also took it upon themselves to create a list of hockey sluts. This would probably bother me if our list wasn't ten times more comprehensive. In fact, we have 18 more ladies on our list. That's more sluts than they have total! It just goes to show you, if you want quality hockey journalism AND sluts, then go somewhere else. But if you want average hockey posts AND sluts, then simply bookmark the shit out of this place, because you are gonna be here a while.

BTW, here is the updated HockeyDump list of Hockey Sluts. Enjoy.

1. Hillary Duff (Mike Comrie)

2. Paris Hilton (Jose Theodore)

3. Anna Kournikova (Pavel Bure, Sergei Fedorov)

4. Elisha Cuthbert (Mike Komiserek, Sean Avery, Dion Phaneuf)

5. Mary Kate Olsen (Sean Avery)

6. Geena Lee Nolan (Cale Hulse)

7. Alyssa Milano (Wayne McBean)

8. ChaIsabella Scorupco (Mariusz Czerkawski)

9.Kellie Pickler (Jordan Tootoo)

10. Rachel Hunter (Sean Avery, Jaret Stoll)

11. Madonna (Mark Messier)

12. Janet Jones (Wayne Gretzky)

13. Kristi Yamaguchi (Bret Hedican)

14. Candace Cameron (Valerie Bure)

15. Carol Alt (Alexie Yashin)

16. Alicia Ricter (Petr Sykora)

17. Veronica Varekova (Petr Nedved)

18. Sheryl Crow (Alexander Daigle)

20. Pamela Anderson (Alexander Daigle)

21. Anne-Marie Carbonneau (Brendan Morrow)

22.Tiffany Granath (Brad Norton)

23. Kristen Bell (Nobody yet)

24. Charlotte Ronson (Sean Avery)

25.Angelica Bridges (Sheldon Souray)

26. Allison Dunbar (Sean O'Donnell)

28. Elena Alyonka Larionov (Alex Ovechkin)

29. Amy McCarthy (Dan Hinote)

30. Willa Ford (Mike Modano)

31. Kelly Klein (Sean Avery)

32.Emma Andersson (Hank Zetterberg)

33. Anne-Marie Carbboneau (Brendan Morrow)

34. Kate Hudson (Eric Lindros)

35. Katherine Keener (Sean Avery)


Note: That's Malkin in the photo above FYI. He likes him some sluts.

Hockey is Back!

In celebration of the beginning of a new hockey season, I have posted a bunch of pictures from 3 years ago. It appears to be a slut who has a thing for black hockey players. God Bless us every one.

Proud Fathers across the nation unite.

Can you skate?

Can you use a shovel?

Are you a slut?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you too can be a National Hockey League Ice Girl! Imagine wearing spandex leggings and a low-cut top in front of 18,000 drunk idiots, all while doing manual labor! And that's not all, you also get minimum wage! What a wonderful society we live in! Sign up today!











In all seriousness though, I would ruin some of these chicks. Except the one standing behind number 105 at the top there. Someone needs to tell that dumpy bitch to go home.