The shortest plane flight in hockey, KHL edition

Kontinental Hockey League’s Lokomotiv Yaroslavl's plane went down shortly after take-off, I'm assuming sometime in the last 24 hours as I had not heard of this yesterday around this time. 43 dead, including coach Brad McCrimmon, a Stanley Cup winner with the Calgary Flames, as well as former NHLers Pavol Demitra, Ruslan Salei, and Josef VAsicek. The Devils' prospect Alex Vasyunov was also counted among those who perished.

These posts are delicate.




On one had a tragic loss of life. When a co-worker informed me about this at work today I did, in actuality, stop and reflect on how terrible this was, knowing only that Demitra was on the team, as only former Canucks register in the brains of Vancouver fans.

On the other hand, this is The Dump, and there is a standard that contributors must pindown, no matter how lowly.



You may ask yourselves, "How could this happen?". The easy answer: "It's the KHL idiot". Any longtime reader would be privy to prior posts ridiculing Russia's sporting answer to America's XFL. Though longer lasting that the aforementioned motley assembly of big league cast-offs and never-weres, the KHL trumped the XFL in its pittance to players. Players forced to survive solely on their love for the game, daily gruel rations and whatever banana peels fans deemed them worthy of. And now the travel accommodations take center stage as an upcoming satellite hot-stove topic.



But I digress. Dead horses and 18 hole Doc Marlins aside, there is far more tragedy in this turn of events than the recent "Tough Guy Trio" that has garnered so much sports media fervor. Though details remain few surrounding those deaths, there is an aspect of self-selection involved, though the argument for peer-expectations does pose some validity. To me there is a difference between dying after stepping aboard a bus to get to work and getting off work and stepping in front of it.

Well, you can sort of see how the Dump can only hide its ugly head in the snow for so long before the urge to rear becomes to much to contain.

So as an RIP I have myself a bottle of Russian Standard Vodka, of which I am now imbibing. It's really not much of a send off, but damn is it tasty.


For juxtaposition's sake:

If the plane had gone down in the mountains of Minsk, at least Alex Galimov having to go "Alive" on it would have trumped the in-flight meal.


It's The Dump. You weren't gonna get off that easy.

RIP Flight YAk-42.

Ben Clymer did nothing to deserve this.

Gretzky, Orr, Howe, Clymer.

All these names instantly flood many fans with images of Stanley Cups and Hockey Glory. They are all icons that helped reshape the game and bring joy and passion into the hearts of hockey fans around the world. They are all living legends. All except for maybe Ben Clymer, who is a dirty pile of journeyman filth that isn't fit to do my laundry. And that isn't even just my bloggy opinion, that is a straight up, hard fact. Unarguable.

So why am I bringing this turd up anyways? Well my friend, I bring it up because I will take any opportunity to kick the KHL when they're down, and Ben Clymer is leading the way in fan voting for the KHL ALL-Star game. YIKES.

I can't tell you how bad this looks. A guy that couldn't find work in the American Hockey league, is amongst the Kontinental's very best. A guy who in 2001 had a career year with 34 points in 81 games. Wow. Ben Clymer shouldn't be on an All-Star team in prison let alone a "professional" league somewhere. If I was Russia, I would be hiding this info like a weapon of mass destruction. That shit is just embarrassing.

And yes, I do realize that this story isn't exactly all that "interesting", but I haven't posted in a while, and Spec7ral just had all his shit stolen, and Towers is god knows where. Soooo,...ya.

The Crying Game in A Minor

Alexander Nikulin, C Ottawa Senators 2008/11/02: According to various reports, Ottawa Senators forward prospect Alexander Nikulin, currently toiling with the AHL's Binghamton Senators, has demanded a trade. If he doesn't get it, he is threatening to bolt to the KHL. The 23-year-old Nikulin has produced two goals in five games with the baby Sens this season. (Courtesy of theforecaster.com)

Threats and promises. Sounds to me like he wants to get back to pounding Russian poontang instead of having drinks thrown in his face by eastern canadian sluts for his broken english and off-colour russian hand gestures.



This picture leads me to beleive he is making the right decision.

Below is a link to another shitty place on the internet where people jerk off to hockey. It has a link to his blog, which unfortunately is in Russian. What is fortunate, is that a good chunk of readers posted their support of his "great attitude" after some Communist took the time to translate one of his posts. Quitters might not always win, but they definitely can garner accolades from douchbags.

http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=416488

1 month until hockey starts.

That's right, in 1 months time the Sens and the Rangers will face of in pre-season play. This will of course put an end to what has to be the most anti-climactic off-season ever. Whether it's the shit UFA crop, or the Sundin Bullshit, or the insane amount of trade rumors that seem to almost be completely made up (I'm looking at you HockeyBuzz), this has got to be the worst off-season ever. When a player that came in 67th in scoring last season leaves the NHL to go back home and play, is considered headline news, you know something is wrong.

I think they should make the Juniors play over the summer just so we never have an off-season. 365 hockey? I'm in.

Радулова is the straw that broke Nashville's back.

Alexander Radulov was introduced to the bread lines (Read: Media) in Russia Today as he tries on his new uniform for the staff of the Ramada Inn. I can't wait until Alex and Jaromir and the rest of the clowns experience their first Russian Winter Road Trip on a bus. I can see them now, trying desperately to call their agents on their cell phones screaming "Das reception is dis shit. Amv getting no barrrs".

Quick note, I do realize that that was a German accent, but the I don't know how to type a Russian accent. Come to think of it, I don't know how to type a German accent either.

Look deep into my eyes.

IHL stalwarts, The Flint Generals have broken some new ground this week by adding a Hypnotist to the staff. It's unsure as to whether Director of Hockey Operations Ron Sanko has gone completely insane, or if this is merely a brief stop-over on the fast track to corked-forkdom. Head Coach Peter South said: "Basically, we bring in doctors and chiropractors to look after the guys' bodies, this is an opportunity to have a guy in here to talk about their minds." This roughly translates to, "I coach a shitty minor league team in one of the poorest areas of the country, what the fuck am I supposed to do, quit?"

So this semi-interesting turn of events had me thinking, what if a real NHL Team did this? Who could benefit? What good could come of it? Thats what I plan to find out. I took a bunch of NHL Stars and gave their info to a top Mentalist. This is what he says he can do.


Glen Murray

Before Treatment: An 18 year NHL Veteran that had one good year and has been living off of it ever since.
After Treatment: He will realize he's a 18 year NHL Veteran that had one good year and has been living off of it ever since, and retire to explore his first love of cock fighting.


Doug Houda

Before Treatment: A former NHLer now an assistant coach with the Boston Bruins,
After Treatment: A 42 year old Doug will make a comeback to the NHL in the 2008 season and go on to win the Commissioners Award for Achievement in Excellence. An award he donated to the league himself.


Jeff Finger

Before Treatment: Jeff is a 28 year old rookie with the Toronto Maple Leafs holding s a $14 Million contract.
After Treatment: Jeff will be a 29 year old sophmore with the Toronto Marlies holding a $14 Million contract.


Steve Tambellini

Before Treatment: Former Burke Lackey, former Gretzky Lackey, former Nonis Lackey, current Gillis Lackey.
After Treatment: Tired of always being the bridesmaid and never the bride, Steve will take matters into his own hands and find the money to buy his own NHL franchise, the Nashville Preditors. He will move them to his hometown of Trail, BC. and name re-name them the Smoke-Eaters after the great team that brought Canada back World Championship Gold in 1939. He will die pennyless at age 45.


Mats Sundin

Before Treatment: An NHL Superstar that apparently has too much money and all the time in the world.
After Treatment: Captain of the Florida Panthers, and 2-time Stanley Cup Champion. Wait, what?


Gary Bettman

Before Treatment: President of the NHL.
After Treatment: President of the NHL and a healthier body image.



Kontinental Hockey League

Before Treatment: Russian start up league with money to burn.
After Treatment: After only 5 years in existence, the KHL will realize that there is no money in Ice Hockey and successfully create the KFL- The Kontinental Football League. It will easily go on to be the 2nd largest sports brand in the world behind the suprisingly successful re-formation of the World Hockey Assosiation.