It's been a short off-season. It was a beautiful summer out here on the west coast of Canada. I enjoyed heat waves and barbecues, break-ups and moves, noise-complaints and sports drafts. It was eventful and emotional. But there comes a time to hunker down and dust-off the childish blogs of yesteryear. Times like 1:31pm PST on Wednesday the 30th of September, aka the eve of the NHL regular season. I'm sick as a dog, so I have nothing else to do. Who takes two weeks off after summer ends anyways?
So here we are, Silver Spoon-style, except my face is your monitor and Williams isn't going to hire Mr. T to protect your ass if I start picking on you.
Is anyone else excited about watching their favorite teams play the Habs this year? Their off-season signings should make it similar to Gullivar's Travels with ice skates. I can't wait to see who on that top line goes into the corner to get a puck. I'd say the smart money is on none of them.
That's about all I have for now. But I would like to share a couple pretty goals with you. This kid has been pegged by multiple people as being a third line center. Just thought I would let you know he'll be first line center by year's end (or the next Darren Haydar). Here's hoping for the former, I drafted his ass in my keeper.
It had been a long winter for Vancouverites. Multiple snowfalls had made the cold season’s grip that much tighter on the city’s inhabitants. Coupled with the economic recession that the continent was smack dab in the middle of, old man winter had all but squeezed every last drop of ambition from the entire metropolitan mass.
Now that’s my kind of winter.
The spring burst forth with ferocity, people embracing its arrival as if it were summer herself knocking at the door. I was open to the change in weather. I was eager to hit the city’s parks and patios for liquid refreshments, though the patios held less appeal since the city’s smoking bylaws prevented patrons from carcinogenic imbibitions.
I was not; however, open to the coinciding emptiness that had thrust itself upon the streets that April. The Vancouver Canucks had made the NHL playoffs and a city of nonexistent fans had materialized. There were flags flown from automobiles, jerseys dusted off that hadn’t seen the light of day for years, even more jerseys bought a day earlier, the price tag still attached and blowing in the spring wind. All this accompanied by a general celebratory glow on the faces of imbeciles all around me.
I began searching for war paint immediately. I could not be asked to comport myself in a civil manner with all this tomfoolery going on in my midst.
Now, you see, it's important to understand, I am nothing if not an avid despiser of the Canucks. This despite the fact I grew up loving them, I went through the pain of '94 and stuck with them. The debacles thereafter? I was by their side.
Side note:That handle on the bottom right of the picture above is eerily similar to mine...
But the last few years, the team just lost me. They started playing "D" first, which may be a great idea when you have one of the best goalies in the league, but it doesn't translate into exciting hockey. And if I'm going to watch sports, I'm not in it to fall asleep. That's what I do after crushing 15 beers while watching the game.
But my hatred for the Canucks and what they did to the team I had loved the longest, pales in comparison to my hatred for the sports writers and fans in this city.
Now that the team that so many loved for all of two weeks has been ousted from the Stanley Cup Playoffs, the finger-pointing is at an all time high. The back of The Province screams out in bold block letters "TRADE LUONGO". Other writers say jettison the entire defense. Whispers of people glad the Sedins will not re-sign in the city. Let's blame the Game 6 loss on the refs!
In the few periods I did catch of Canucks hockey this post-season, I can tell you this much: trading Luongo would be huge mistake. The only reason they even made it into the playoffs was that man. They also swept the hottest team in hockey in the first series. They played well enough against Chicago, the 'Hawks just happen to have a linebacker they can stick in front of Luongo that none of the Canucks D-men cared to move or punish. I guess that would have been racist. And the Refs didn't lose that game for the Canucks, the lack of discipline by a bunch of hot-heads did. That and Hatrick Kane, with one of the best single efforts in a post-season game I can recall.
Actually, maybe it wasn't so much a single effort as an effort on the entire Canucks D letting him just walk in and coughing up pucks. Vancouver's defense was fucking horrendous in this series.
Here's what you do, and this is a better opinion than any you will find in the local papers, because I am actually an objective writer on the subject.
Re-sign the Sedins, they are the closest thing to a star that team has other than its captain. With their late first round pick, draft someone that Cody Hodgson has played with, or someone who grew up in BC. Dump Ohlund, dump Salo, lock up Edler to a multi-year deal. Tell Sundin to suck a fart out of my ass. Trade Kesler while his stock is high, he's not that good and that debacle at the end of the game where he came out of the penalty box is unforgivable. Tell Burrows to stop harassing goalies before someone takes his french-fried head off. Get Grabner to practice all off-season with the twinns. Tell Hodson he is the starting second line center in the fall so he better get fucking ready. Go after Cammaleri and Bouwmeester. Call Sakic and see if he would like to have a swan song with the 'Nucks, the Hodson can actually play 3rd line. Dump Labarbera and get Corey Schneider up all fucking ready. Sign Daniel Tjanqvist for more cheap swedish love in the dressing room.
I don't really know where I was going with this, other than to point out that a it's all just fucking speculation and trading Luongo isn't the answer, nor is not re-signing the twins unless you have a bona-fide all star or two to take their places. Fuck this city, fuck the fans and fuck the sports writers. I am getting so fucking drunk for a real hockey game tonight. I don't have time for this shit.
Cheers, and enjoy the game tonight, I know everyone will be watching.
I just watched the most enjoyable piece of hcokey entertainment the CBC has put out in quite some time. Colin Campbell came down from his "Ivory Tower" (I wasn't aware that I loved this term until Colin Campbell let us know how much he hates it) to discuss a few hot topics.
FOUND VIDEO! Colin Campbell openly admits that he feels that Camalerri doesn't merit a suspension due to the fact that Campbell doesn't "think he's that type of guy", in reference to players he deems bullys, such as Carcillo (who did earn a suspension).
Let's compare the plays in question:
Jumping fucking Jesus on a motherfucking pogo stick. For the arbitrator of the National Hockey League to go on national television and proclaim that those two plays merit different suspensions, due to his personal view on the type of person either player is, that is some of the soupiest fucking bullshit I have ever heard. Rules should be in black and white. It's essentially the EXACT same thing happening, except that one player gets a suspension. What a load of rotten horse shit.
They touch on the Lucic bit as well, which I am pretty steamed about. I mean, I've got that fucker in my keeper pool, how am I going to win with that shit going on? I have a regular season crown to carry into the post-season for fuck's sakes!
Ron then gives Colin some guff about the fact that John Stevens wasn't allowed to use Carcillo for the last faceoff of the game. I'm not sure what that was all about, but I like the fact that Ron was pressing Colin for answers the way a drunk presses an old man for smokes after a session of binge drinking.
Colin gets kind of tired of being berated for information (I mean, really... who expects to have to answer questions in an interview?) and decides to try and turn the tables on Ron for his use of the term "Ivory Tower" in reference to his place of reign over the NHL. He comes off as insecure as he assures us of all the time and effort he puts in up in the IT department. Then again, Ron was shooting him sidelong glances that seemed to say "Hey Colin go piss up a rope".
Basically this post is just a big kudo to Ron McLean for giving Campbell the questioning and a big fuck you to Campbell for being a chimpy twerp.
I will summarize the top 5 trades in my un-humble opinion since June of last year in the NHL. Why? Cause I fucking feel like it, and because everyone is holding their twig and berries waiting to drop some news on a trade that won't actually mean anything for the teams involved.
COUNTDOWN!!
5.The New York Rangers acquired wingers Nikolai Zherdev and Dan Fritsche from the Columbus Blue Jackets for defensemen Fedor Tyutin and Dan Fritsche.
Analysis: I really wanted to put Chris Mason for a 4th rounder here, but I feel that Zheredev has too much talent to leave him out. That being said, the Rangers blow. 4.The Edmonton Oilers acquired winger Erik Cole from the Carolina Hurricanes for defenseman Joni Pitkanen.
Analysis: Cole sucks, Pitkanen doesn't. 3.The Montreal Canadiens acquired winger Alex Tanguay and a fifth-round draft pick in 2008 from the Calgary Flames for a first-round draft pick in 2008 and a second-round draft pick in 2009
Analysis: All I know, is that this trade made losing Mark Streit seem easy, as Tanguay has made his living in Streit's spot on the PP. Nice one, way to maximize your investment. 2.In a three-way trade, the Calgary Flames acquired winger Mike Cammalleri from the Los Angeles Kings for a first-round draft pick in 2008 (17th overall). The Kings then sent the 17th overall pick plus their first-round draft pick in 2008 (28th overall) to the Anaheim Ducks for a first-round draft pick in 2008 (12th overall).
Analysis: A three team trade is already hard enough to analyze and the first rounders floating about make it even tougher. However, I know that Cammalleri is a PPG guy this season ona playoff team, while the Ducks and Kings are...shitty. 1.The San Jose Sharks acquired defensemen Dan Boyle and Brad Lukowich from the Tampa Bay Lightning for defensemen Matt Carle and Ty Wishart, a first-round draft pick in 2009 and fourth-round draft pick in 2010.
Analysis: Tampa's brain trust, what an oxymoron. I don't care about cap space, I don't care if Tampa actually found a team that took Carle and his salary on. Look at what Boyle has done this season. Maybe slitting your wrists is a good career move after all...(I'm not looking at you Owen Wilson)
The shittiest trades you ask? Let's leave that for another day!!
