Anybody got any extra sock tape?

You what blog is good? Orland Kurenblog. You know why? Because they are a blog that focuses on a single team, but you don't have to be a fan of that team to like the blog. Very few local blogs have managed this, and I just thought I would point that out.

Speaking of the Kurtenblog, they have a great list of the different kind of guys you will find in your Beer League dressing room. Check it below...

The Ringer

Some teams wait until the playoffs to unveil this option. Others go with it right from the opening faceoff.

Either way, without a ringer, your team is done. The challenge for managers is convincing a good player to suit up for a bad side. This can be accomplished a number of ways, including promises of goal-scoring glory and awe-inspired teammates. Most effective, however, is free hockey. It's simple math, really. Everyone else pays an extra $50 and everyone else gets a shot at the Division-7 title.

The Young Guy

At first glance, he can easily be mistaken for a ringer, since the young guy still wears the shorts and socks of his junior or college team. But it's time for the next phase of life now, and that means an office job. The young guy stays in shape for the first half of the year. Sadly, an increasingly sedentary existence catches up by Christmas. Ten to 20 pounds later, he's just another player, huffing and puffing with the rest. Welcome aboard, kid.

The Old Guy

Forget the 50-and-over league; that's not for him, even though his gloves reach up to his armpits and he still uses a wood stick. To be fair, the old guy can be an effective player, especially if he's a wily old guy -- a hook here and a chop there, because that's how they did it when professional athletes were real men. "Eddie Shore -- now there was a hockey player! Lost an ear against the Maroons. Sewed it back on himself. Never missed a shift."

The Tardy Goalie

Hey, thanks for showing up. Only five minutes gone in the first. Not like you play a crucial position or anything. Take your time.

The Beginner

Required only for cheap laughs. On the one hand, you have to admire the beginner. It takes a lot of courage to take up hockey in adulthood. On the other, learn to take a pass, man. It's right on your stick. How does that knock you over? And now you're offside.

The Complete Psycho

Also good for a few giggles . . . from afar. The complete psycho is capable of anything: running the goalie, challenging an entire bench, a tomahawk chop -- all in the repertoire. Do not feed the complete psycho. He doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt.

The Naked Guy

Bane of the dressing room. Most players have the courtesy to stretch their hamstrings while sporting, at the very least, a bit of underwear. Not the naked guy. He'll carry on full conversations, too, and you'll maintain eye contact like your life depended on it.

The Guy with the New Girlfriend

A good way to lower everyone else's fees is to load up on a few of these. The guy with the new girlfriend will show up to five games, tops, so it's not like you'll lose ice time by putting him on the roster. That said, beware that the guy with the new girlfriend might very well turn into the guy with the wife, at which point he'll never miss another game.

The Drunk

The drunk shows up drunk, has a few more and plays drunk, spending most of the time in the penalty box for shooting his mouth off or breaking his stick on someone’s shins. At the end of the game, polishes off another dozen, single-handedly buying the team new jerseys AND socks for next year.

I was the guy that couldn't make it through the game without getting injured. I think it had something to do with the fact I never stretched, or maybe it was because I would be eating a hamburger while tying up my skates. Either way, I averaged about 3 minutes a game. Good Times.

No comments: