New low.

To tell you the truth, I don't know if these are cripples or midgets or what, but if laughing at people that are less fortunate is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

PS - Yes, i know I'm going to hell. Why do you ask?

Bottom 5 trades of the NHL fiscal year

Part two of the analysis of this year's trades. You could say "Hey, wouldn't the worst trades be the other end of the best ones?" No. They wouldn't be. Stop being an ignoramus.

HEEEEEEEERE WE GO!

5. Matt Carle/Dan Frtische (pick a trade)

Analysis: I really hope one of these two gets the hat-trick before the deadline.


4.The Phoenix Coyotes acquired center Olli Jokinen from the Florida Panthers for defensemen Keith Ballard and Nick Boynton as well as a second-round draft pick in 2008

Analysis: You can spell the word Joke in his last name. Fitting. The paycheque is the big hurt in this one.

3.The Dallas Stars acquired defenseman Darryl Sydor from the Pittsburgh Penguins for defenseman Philippe Boucher.

Analysis: This trade blows because of the pure wash of it all. Why would I trade naked pictures of Williams' grandma for naked pictures of Towers' grandma?

2.The Atlanta Thrashers acquired defenseman Mathieu Schneider from the Anaheim Ducks for defenseman Ken Klee and wingers Brad Larsen and Chain Painchaud.

Analysis: Schneider's point totals in the ATL were poop. Does Burke still owe them a favor for this deal even though he is with Toronto now? Also, who names their kid Chain when his last name is "Hot-bread"?

1.The Tampa Bay Lightning acquired defenseman Andrej Meszaros from the Ottawa Senators for defensemen Filip Kuba and Alexandre Picard, plus a first-round draft pick in 2009.

Analysis: FUCKING OWNED! Man Tampa is amazing...

AO > The Kid

Are you fucking kidding me? I don't know how many times we have to repeat ourselves on this blog, but AO IS the face of the NHL, whether Betts and the boys in NYC like it or not. This video is just one of hundreds that show up almost weekly of Alex and Friends acting, well, like their age. It's REFRESHING. Just in case you were confused on that last thought, that is a good thing.

Is it just me? Or are all these cell phone videos of Alex goofing off not about 100 times more effective at making you love hockey than any of those NHL approved million dollar focus group wank fests that Crosby keeps starring in? How about instead of making some hockey purest, love of the game, Canadian circle jerk, you stop trying to turn Sid into another Gretzky clone, and focus on what actually works. O-VECH-KIN.

Here is the new idea, just have a camera follow the Caps around and watch the viewers and subsequent dollars roll in. And if you have time, tell Sid to shut the fuck up and smile every once in a while. Seriously, that guy walks around like his dog just died. But I guess if you were told that if you weren't the best, you were a failure ever since you were 13, you would be kind of a cock too.

Top 5 (Fingers Crossed) Trade Dealine Deals 2009

Ok, so Mr.Spec7ral may have stolen my thunder a bit there (which is his birthright), but I will pick myself up and continue on my old and dusty path. That path of course being, the Top 5 Trade Deadline deals that I would LOVE to see happen, in the next coming week or so. You see, every year, we listen to all the big boys tell us who is likely to go where on that fateful day, and in reality, it usually turns out to be the exact opposite. So the ways I's figures it, Why can't I gone done and do the same thing? The answer of course is, I can do whatever the fuck I want, because I live in a free country filled with ignorant shit heads, and their sidekicks, blogs. Ole!

#5 - Jay Bouwmeester to the Edmonton Oilers for Kevin Lowe and a 4th in '09

This would be a great deal for both sides. Bouwmeester gets to return to his Albertan roots and play for a team that narrowly misses the playoffs in spectacular fashion, and the Panthers get a guy that can fill the position of Jacques Martin, who will be fired when it turns out that he traded the only piece that was keeping them in the playoff race to begin with. That's what we call in the biz as a "Win / Win". Also, the 4th will be used by Kevin to draft Craig MacTavish, and nobody will seem to mind.

#4 - Jaromir Jagr from Omsk to New York for a $5 Million dollar buy out package.

This jim dandy would tickle me ever so much. You see, what Glen Sather doesn't know is that Cherepanov didn't die from HCM, but rather a rare airborn version of Super Cancer. Jagr will bring this Cancer with him to the Rangers dressing room, and kill off every last rangers player except one. That player will be Markus Naslund. He will take to the ice alone and single handedly sweep the first round of the playoffs, before dying himself. OF LONELINESS!

#3 - The Senators trade 3 more 1st Round picks (on top of that Comrie bullet they sent NYI's way) to Toronto for Antropov.

This one will turn out to be a pure and simple fuck you from Brain Murray to Eugene Melnyk. It turns out that Brain was told if he didn't make the playoffs, he would be canned. So naturally, he dropped a few bombs on his way out. Who wouldn't? I for one will applaud him.

#2 - Toronto moves those three 1st Rounders to Vancouver for The Sedins & Ohlund.

Burkey clearly knows what he likes, and that's comfortability. He is the king being loyal to the guys he drafted, and will stop at nothing to re-build that dynasty he had with the Canucks*. Unfortunately, all three will sign with back Vancouver on July 1st, and the rest of the non-Leafs nation would rejoice.
*Dan Cloutier

#1 - NBA acquires Bettman for a half eaten sandwich.

It was a pretty good sandwich, but it was the only way to get that filthy troll off the books. Also, Gary will immediately start putting NBA teams in non-traditional NBA markets. It will prove to be the greatest marketing campaign in sports history!!! Wait, what?

Top 5 Trades of the fiscal NHL year

Let's make a list!

I will summarize the top 5 trades in my un-humble opinion since June of last year in the NHL. Why? Cause I fucking feel like it, and because everyone is holding their twig and berries waiting to drop some news on a trade that won't actually mean anything for the teams involved.

COUNTDOWN!!

5.The New York Rangers acquired wingers Nikolai Zherdev and Dan Fritsche from the Columbus Blue Jackets for defensemen Fedor Tyutin and Dan Fritsche.

Analysis: I really wanted to put Chris Mason for a 4th rounder here, but I feel that Zheredev has too much talent to leave him out. That being said, the Rangers blow.

4.The Edmonton Oilers acquired winger Erik Cole from the Carolina Hurricanes for defenseman Joni Pitkanen.

Analysis: Cole sucks, Pitkanen doesn't.

3.The Montreal Canadiens acquired winger Alex Tanguay and a fifth-round draft pick in 2008 from the Calgary Flames for a first-round draft pick in 2008 and a second-round draft pick in 2009

Analysis: All I know, is that this trade made losing Mark Streit seem easy, as Tanguay has made his living in Streit's spot on the PP. Nice one, way to maximize your investment.

2.In a three-way trade, the Calgary Flames acquired winger Mike Cammalleri from the Los Angeles Kings for a first-round draft pick in 2008 (17th overall). The Kings then sent the 17th overall pick plus their first-round draft pick in 2008 (28th overall) to the Anaheim Ducks for a first-round draft pick in 2008 (12th overall).

Analysis: A three team trade is already hard enough to analyze and the first rounders floating about make it even tougher. However, I know that Cammalleri is a PPG guy this season ona playoff team, while the Ducks and Kings are...shitty.

1.The San Jose Sharks acquired defensemen Dan Boyle and Brad Lukowich from the Tampa Bay Lightning for defensemen Matt Carle and Ty Wishart, a first-round draft pick in 2009 and fourth-round draft pick in 2010.

Analysis: Tampa's brain trust, what an oxymoron. I don't care about cap space, I don't care if Tampa actually found a team that took Carle and his salary on. Look at what Boyle has done this season. Maybe slitting your wrists is a good career move after all...(I'm not looking at you Owen Wilson)


The shittiest trades you ask? Let's leave that for another day!!

Pictures are fun!

Ok, I keep reading lies about new pictures of the Canadians partying that are supposed to be released. I can't find shit. And I am not going to settle for some picture of Carey Price with three cigarettes in his mouth. I want cocaine and nudity. Maybe even penetration.

In the meantime, I will post some fun pics that I find in my search:

Ovechkin hanging with one of the Kbros. OMG MAYBE ALEX WILL BE IMPLICATED!?!?! STFU idiot.

The K bro out partying later with the same girl...What the hell is the thing on the left? Whatever it is, it has stolen my third grade haircut. (HOLY SHIT I THINK THAT IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE KOSTITSYNS!)


"Well you can tell by the way i use my walk im a womans man no time to talk music loud and women warm ive been kicked around since i was born" -Bee Gees



















The fact that Carey Price seems to have a special knack for getting photographed with either a)alcohol or b)cigarettes makes me like him. He's doing good work.

Campbellton Middle School.... Go Fuck Yourself.

What is wrong with this country? Our government? Maybe. The fact that someone is getting iced every day for the last week in my city? Nope, that's pure excitement. I would have to say the number one thing that is really rotting away the moral fabric of Canada is Don Cherry and his cult fucking status amongst a good chunk of Canadians.

So Campbellton Middle School, New Brunswick has spent the past TWO FUCKING MONTHS festooning their gym EVERY FRIDAY AFTERNOON with various adornments in the likeness of DAWN FUCKING CHERRY.

This begs the question: Why? Fuck, why?

If we ball park it at one hour per week for maybe 8 weeks or so, that's 8 hours of "art" time the kids wasted drawing pictures of an idiot. Are there no parents that had an issue with their kids (and we are talking about kids up to the age of 12 here) wasting their time with this shit? It's in New Brunswick so probably fucking not, they were probably angry they weren't spending more time on this project.

And I really truly hope that I paid for Don's trip with my tax money. I love how there's praise for him taking a detour out of his "packed itinerary" to do this. Um, Don has freely admitted that he spends a good portion of his time in his basement watching TV. If that is a packed itinerary... I think I just shit my pants.

The article also has a quote from someone drawing comparisons between the US President and Dunce.


"As Cherry was leaving, he gave a thumbs-up to two local Mounties." More tax dollars sitting around twiddling thumbs.

"He also spotted a Union Jack flag underneath a faded photo of the Queen. Cherry stopped, still wearing his Campbellton toque, and sang the first verse of ""God Save the Queen."" School staff applauded vigorously". WHY?!?! Who perpetuates this monarchy shit?

Basically, I'm pretty sure that Dongle got paid on my dime to go to some school and polish Wendall Clark's knob (he was there as well) while a bunch of no-minds cheered. And that's what wrong with a lot of fucking people who use the term "eh" more than I do.

That is actually Miss New Brunswick... no shit of a lie.

Cokesteetsins

Well, Bangin Panger and Capitals Kremlin have beat us to the punch as far as breaking the blog story on this subject, but that won't stop me from posting about one of my favorite things in life: Professional sports players and their (alleged) involvement in all and anything narcotics.

I really don't give two shits if a sports player is doing drugs. I think drugs are fun and should have their recreational place in everyone's lives, as long as people can make it functional. And in order to be playing professional sports it is obviously still at a functional level. Or you are so fucking skilled that your dysfunction still allows you to perform at a level higher than that of most other players and lets you continue to operate around the expectations of your team's management.

This is what the dump is all about. Taking dirty laundry and airing it out to the masses.

Story: Coke dealer busted in Montreal. Dude talked to Kostitsyns at some point (and 5-0 has it on wire tap). Hamrlik hung out with K Bros and dealer at some point. K-bros and Hammerman get painted as fucking Vancouver-downtown-eastside-junkies because they knew some dude that sold blow at some point. If this comes as any surprise to anyone... good for you for being a blind idiot. Montreal is known as one of the biggest party atmospheres in North America. And when you hear the term party associated with anything as large as a city, make sure you factor in the plausible idea of coke being present in the equation.

Anyways, it seems like this story will write itself via the pens and keyboards of overpaid self-righteous sports writers over the next few days, weeks, who knows how the fuck long.

My take: Good job. If I made that much money, I'd be spending it too.