Top 5 (Fingers Crossed) Trade Dealine Deals 2009

Ok, so Mr.Spec7ral may have stolen my thunder a bit there (which is his birthright), but I will pick myself up and continue on my old and dusty path. That path of course being, the Top 5 Trade Deadline deals that I would LOVE to see happen, in the next coming week or so. You see, every year, we listen to all the big boys tell us who is likely to go where on that fateful day, and in reality, it usually turns out to be the exact opposite. So the ways I's figures it, Why can't I gone done and do the same thing? The answer of course is, I can do whatever the fuck I want, because I live in a free country filled with ignorant shit heads, and their sidekicks, blogs. Ole!

#5 - Jay Bouwmeester to the Edmonton Oilers for Kevin Lowe and a 4th in '09

This would be a great deal for both sides. Bouwmeester gets to return to his Albertan roots and play for a team that narrowly misses the playoffs in spectacular fashion, and the Panthers get a guy that can fill the position of Jacques Martin, who will be fired when it turns out that he traded the only piece that was keeping them in the playoff race to begin with. That's what we call in the biz as a "Win / Win". Also, the 4th will be used by Kevin to draft Craig MacTavish, and nobody will seem to mind.

#4 - Jaromir Jagr from Omsk to New York for a $5 Million dollar buy out package.

This jim dandy would tickle me ever so much. You see, what Glen Sather doesn't know is that Cherepanov didn't die from HCM, but rather a rare airborn version of Super Cancer. Jagr will bring this Cancer with him to the Rangers dressing room, and kill off every last rangers player except one. That player will be Markus Naslund. He will take to the ice alone and single handedly sweep the first round of the playoffs, before dying himself. OF LONELINESS!

#3 - The Senators trade 3 more 1st Round picks (on top of that Comrie bullet they sent NYI's way) to Toronto for Antropov.

This one will turn out to be a pure and simple fuck you from Brain Murray to Eugene Melnyk. It turns out that Brain was told if he didn't make the playoffs, he would be canned. So naturally, he dropped a few bombs on his way out. Who wouldn't? I for one will applaud him.

#2 - Toronto moves those three 1st Rounders to Vancouver for The Sedins & Ohlund.

Burkey clearly knows what he likes, and that's comfortability. He is the king being loyal to the guys he drafted, and will stop at nothing to re-build that dynasty he had with the Canucks*. Unfortunately, all three will sign with back Vancouver on July 1st, and the rest of the non-Leafs nation would rejoice.
*Dan Cloutier

#1 - NBA acquires Bettman for a half eaten sandwich.

It was a pretty good sandwich, but it was the only way to get that filthy troll off the books. Also, Gary will immediately start putting NBA teams in non-traditional NBA markets. It will prove to be the greatest marketing campaign in sports history!!! Wait, what?


The Bastahd said...

If only Bete-man were that easily gotten rid of.

Swapping links works for me, just know that I don’t focus solely on hockey but bounce around between that, baseball and football.

James said...

And you just KNOW that the half-eaten sandwich would get the job done better than Betman

Spec7ral said...

I want to lick that couch.