Travis Moen & the rest of the Deadline All-Stars.

So now that we have all had a few days to digest the majesty that is the NHL Trade Deadline, I thought it would be a good time to sum up each trade with a brief and concise evaluation for your perusing pleasure.

To Toront0: Oleg Kolzig ,some turds & a 4th
To Tampa Bay: A turd.
Evaluation: Who cares.

To Edmonton: Ales Kotalik
To Buffalo: A 2nd
Evaluation: Buffalo raped it, because Kotalik smells worse than my nuts.

To Edmonton: Patrick O'Sullivan & a 2nd
To Carolina: Eric Cole
To LA: Justin Williams
Evaluation: Never gonna pan, fucked me in my pool, never healthy. Fuck 'em.

To San Jose: Travis Moen ,Kent Huskins
To Anahiem: Nick Bonino ,Timo Pielmeier
Evaluation: A couple of current character guys for a couple of future character guys. BOW-RING.

To Chicago: Sami Pahlsson
To Anahiem: James Wisniewski
Evaluation: Shitty 3rd liner for some wank.

To Phily: Kyle McLaren.
To San Jose: Some pick
Evaluation: Whatever.

To Columbus: Kevin Lalande
To Calgary: A 4th
Evaluation: Who the fuck is Kevin Lalande? Who the fuck cares?

To Florida: Steve Eminger
To Tampa: Noah Welch & a 3rd.
Evaluation: Wait, did TB just essentailly trade Boyle for Welch? Smooooth.

To Anahiem: Erik Christensen
To Atlanta: Eric O'Dell
Evaluation: Cum.

To Buffalo: Dominic Moore
To Toronto: 2nd Round Pick
Evaluation: Dominic is more overated than his brother Steve's life.

To New York: Derek Morris
To Phoenix: Nigel Dawes, Dmitri Kalinin, Petr Prucha
Evaluation: I would like to put all four of these guys in a blender. That is all.

To New York Rangers: Nik Antropov
To Toronto: 2nd
Evaluation: Antropov plays with Tlusty's dongo.

To Phoenix: Scottie Upshaw
To Phila: Daniel Carcillo
Evaluation: I hope Carcillo rapes Briere. I also have that guy in my fucking pool. Injury proned pile of filth.

To Pittyburgh: Bill Guerin
To Some Team: Conditional Bullshit
Evaluation: How old is Guerin now? 50? Jesus, someone put that guy out of his misery.

To Boston: Mark Recchi
To Tampa: Matt Lashoff, Martins Karsums, 2nd Rounder
Evaluation: Same with this guy, fuck. Why are these grampas still in the league? KILL YOURSELVES ALREADY!

To: Calgary: Olli Jokinen
To Phoenix: Mattew Lombardi, Brandon Prust, & a 1st
Evaluation: Olli Jokinen is one of the ugliest people on the planet.

To: Somewhere: Steve Montador
To: Some other place: Petteri Nokelainen
Evaluation: (Fart Noises)

To Buffalo: Mikael Tellqvist
To: Phoenix: 4th Round Draft Pick
Evaluation: I remember when I was a kid, everytown had an Arcade. It was a great place to either play a game of Marble Madness, or buy drugs. I miss those.

To Pittsburgh: Andy Wozniewski
To St.Louis: Danny Richmond
Evaluation: Wait, I thought that guy was traded to Anahiem for Pahlsson already? What the hell?

To Calgary: Jordan Leopold
To Colorado: Lawrence Nycholet ,Ryan Wilson ,2nd Round Draft Pick
Evaluation: Leopold is an overrated cunt.

To Ottawa: Pascal Leclaire
To The Ohio Players: Antoine Vermette & a pick
Evaluation: I hate french people.

PS - The burger at the top is indeed a Big-Mac infused with a McChicken.

1 comment:

Spec7ral said...

All the evaluations from Cum to the end were bang on. I definitely applaud the (fart noises) one. I was, however, hoping the infusion was a Filet-O-Fish.