2.3.09

All Apologies. Part Dunce. Droppin' balls...Droppin F-Bombs.

OOOOOOOOH fuck kids. I seldom apologize, especially on this blog. HOWEVER, I am back at my antics of missing Coach's Corner. Truth be told, I cut my cable and have cut back on drinking as well (I know, shame on me). Anyways, it was brought to my (short) attention (span) today at work, by a co-worker, that my favorite subject, the Dawn Shurry, ripped into #8 this past weekend on his show. I was aghast, more with myself than the idea of Chirpy beaking about something stupid. I vowed to go home and seek out this crime against my favorite hockey player. Then I totally forgot about it. Then I was reading some great shit over @ Bangin Panger and I noticed there was a post there. Then I remembered my mission. Without ado:

Don is wearing an RCMP tie. This gets me excited. More so to do with the Vancouver RCMP and their situation in the media, revolving around the death of that polish dude at the airport. I beleive it had something to do with him holding a stapler and that being cause for tazing the shit out of him.Then something about them getting all the officers involved together for some sort of meeting before they went to trial. I am no legal expert, but I know the one time I've been on the stand, I was told by the lawyer not to talk about it with the other witnesses. It's a media feeding frenzy with good reason. I hope they ban those fucking things. I do dumb shit ALOT when I am wasted (though I have yet to entertain the idea of not lying down when 4 cops come at me), and my shitty ticker would kick a big one if I got zapped.

OFF ON A TASTELESS TANGENT!! Back to the mission at hand:

Donce starts talking about how George Laraques needs to be more like Bob Probert. Is it just me, or does Don seem to pick on alot of guys that don't act like the drug involved players of the 80's? Probert was mean cause the day after a night of lasers equates a terrible depletion of serotonin, it makes you mad, thus why Probert never had many minors, he'd had too many majors the night before.

CUE THE PROBERT YOUTUBE MIXTAPE YEEEEEEEEEEYA BOYYYYE!!


Byron Bitz... "too bad his first name wasn't Tim... get it?" Too bad your name wasn't "Doughnut eating borscht face".

"Steve Mason. Rookie of the year." Then Don points out, directing it at Brian Burke, how the Leafs passed up on Mason for names such as Tlusty, Kulemin in the 2006 draft (BTW his delivery on these names was amazing. It felt like I was 10 and watching my friend call the local Chinese delivery and asking for Chicken Chow Meow). That's fucking special Don. Do you know who the Anaheim Mighty Dicks drafted that year? Mark Mitera (? and a yankee btw) and Bryce Swan (?). Fucking awesome!!!!! And all these players were taken before Mason by the fucking way you fucking d fucking nozzle. I am cheering SO FUCKING HARD for Pekka Rinne to win the calder now it isn't even funny. I am going to buy some Baby Duck to celebrate in case he wins.

OK.So. Here comes Don's attack, I'll post the link the boys @ BP had up as I assume it entails most of what I just heard.


1)For Douche to compare AO to a soccer player is despicable. Remember when AO went into the boards and it looked like his year was over? Remember when he got up and skated to the bench, pissed off, but obviously hurt? Remember he didn't miss a game? Fucking tough bastard I say.

2) Exciting players are what any pro sports league needs. They sell seats. They make you want to watch the games. I am not dying to watch the Sedins cycle the puck game in and out (although effective). I am not dying to watch Tim Duncan go "the big fundametal" on it (although effective). I am not dying to watch Jamie Moyer pitch a game with off-speed pitches (although effective). And I am not dying to watch Trent Dilfer manage the Bucs to a Superbowl win (although effective). You know what I like to watch (all death aside)?
Superstars do their shit and know that they rocked our fucking minds doing it. The only problem I have with the NFL these days is that they took away TD celebrations that are pre-concieved. Anyway that a player or team wants to celebrate something is just the cherry on top if you ask me.

3)"He's got a free ride." Then Don calls him a goof. THEN Don goes on to say "someone's gonna cut him in half, goof!...Same church, different pew" HOLY FUCKING SHIT...WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY? WHY THE FUCK DO WE WANT TO SEE OVECHKIN GET CUT IN HALF?? I hope you get a fucking dumptruck on your fucking head Cherry. And I will burn every newspaper, vigil, anything I can get my hands on that is in your memory. I hope you fucking die, douche, and I hope, if I ever reproduce (lord forbid) that they never, EVER ask who you were.

Fuck your church.

Fuck your corner.

Go fuck yourself.

Fucker.

4 comments:

The Terminal City Boats said...

So, I'm cofused. Are you Pro-Don Cherry, or....

WJH said...

I was waiting for the rant so I didn't have to and could just send the URL!

Nuuuuugs said...

Great fucking rant. Got Hockey Dump linked up already. Thanks for reading, I'll be back on it regularly now.

Vance said...

See that's the kinda shit I wanna say but don't...well played sir.