Hey There Dumplings!
Glad to be back from a brief tour of the southern gulf islands. Sad to say I didn't see much of any hockey, but I've got a 6 pack, a stomach full of over-priced margaritas and coronas, a smoldering quarrel (fueled by said mexi-bevs) with the GF and some internet archives to delve into...so...
LET'S ROCK AND ROLL!
Coach's room, crica April 4th.
Don starts off with some patriotic BS about the battle of Vimy and how the Canadian troops showed up and won it in a day, after the English and French had lost 100,000 troops previous to their arrival. Sounds like Cherry-picking to me, but hey, I am all about the puns.
One of the things that sucks about relaxing without technology and sports highlights, is that I see this over a week later:
Oh man. That is fucking brilliant. How is he a bad actor? That was some serious Broadway magic if you ask me.
So Don rips into Avery, and goes off about dalmatians not being able to change their spots. Good. Avery is a brainiac. Did he even get a suspension? Not that I can see. The NHL has a secret boner for this shit. I have a full blown throbbing one.
Not a lot more to report from this segment, other than this pic that they splashed up:
That's first lady Obama getting her junk crunked by the Queen. That's fucking moist!
Coach's Room circa April 11th:
Don starts off by lambasting some company that used "Ron and Don" to sell something. He didn't want "any of his guys" to think he would lend his name to something like that.
He would sooner lend his name to the tires they are riding on.
Dawn then touches on the fact the St. Louis Blues have sold out 27 times this season, mentioning in passing the free-food promos that Towers had brought to our attention earlier this year. He then commends John Davidson on this shrewd tactic. It's good to see that the Blue's version of food stamps garner his approval.
Okay, so here is when I lose my (paid-for) lunch. Don rattles off for a couple of minutes about how Ron Wilson is an idiot (by using sarcastic "Genius" quips). If Wilson actually said, as Don quotes, that bringing in talent would be "like putting jewelery on an ugly person", he IS a fucking genius because that is the most thought out quote I have heard in hockey in years (sloppy seconds doesn't count, even if Avery thought about his quote for longer than Wilson did).
Why would he say that? Due to the fact, they will most likely still suck balls next year. Here is their pipeline of talent: Tlusty. That's it. The rest of their AHL squad is chock full of 4th liners. Maybe Wilson is actually being shrewd by tempering expectations, which would help to (but not by much if anything) temper expectations from the Toronto faithful.
Not alot of photo-ops round these parts, so here is an example of what "Toronto faithful" deserve (I felt like contradicting myself a bit to make Dunce feel better about himself).
Ron McLean actually goes a bit ballsy, and asks Duncey what the axe he is grinding with Wilson is about, is it the loss to the Americans in the '96 World Cup? Don then goes anti-American as only he can, and promises to never speak of Ron Wilson ever again. Anyone want to take that bet? I am willing to put some money out there that he uses his name by mid-May. And for him to even talk about the Leafs this late in the season is fucking mind-blowingly comical as-is.
Right after he essentially calls for Ron Wilson to be fired, he is asked if MacTavish should be fired. He responds with "I will never, ever call for a coach to be fired...". Are you even fucking serious? Did I not just listen to him calling for Wilson's head for about 60 seconds? I am going to fucking lose my mind. The talent level on the Oilers is not even closely comparable to that of the Leafs, but he gets emo on it and gives MacTavish some love. This guy is pretty fucking close to certifiable at this point.
SIDE NOTE: THE FOLLOWING MAY MAKE YOU PISS YOUR PANTS OR SPIT BEER ALL OVER YOUR MONITOR, I DID BOTH!
Jesus Christ, that is on par with the Havlat healer and it's 4 minutes long...
Then Don goes on to celebrate the fact that Cindy Crosby fought with a visor on, the same thing he has berated all other players who do so throughout the year. His explanation? "Well the other guy has a visor on too". Fucking amazing.
Thanks Dunce. It's been a good year. I will try to keep up with you in the post-season, but it will be tough.
Side note: 50 bonus points to whoever can find MacTavish's mugshot from when he killed the person drunk driving. I need a new T-Shirt.