Happy Dunce Year, Fuckfaces!

Okay, jizzmoppers, here we go. The shit I learned from Dongy-Dong-Dongle Chezwick tonight on Coach's Corner, is as follows:

It's a good thing that hockey is played in slow motion. Cause that's how Dongle likes it. That's why anytime a player goes into the boards with an opposing player's stick in the general vicinity of their feet, it's obvious that there was malicious intent (although if you're Justin Williams you're still a "good kid" and you don't get the full Chezzy berating). I wish sex was in slow motion the other night, maybe then I could have stopped my dick from jackhammering, mid-thrust, into my girlfriend's chode.

Ron McClean isn't supposed to ask Dongle questions about Sid the Skid unless he has consulted him before hand. Maybe they should take the 10 second muzzle off and Ron and Dongle can just tape it in bed together when they wake up.

Skidmark Crosby is in a funk because he signs hockey sticks for people. I guess if all the NHL Superstars go back to the old school way of fucking hookers, doing blow and whatnot before games, shit would be good.

Without Geezer Roberts and Ryan Malone (he's having a great year without Crosby) the Pens are not the same team. I think he meant that in a negative way...?

Don Cherry laughed when they put a black man on screen for the juniors. Seriously. There was nothing funny he was interjecting, they just splashed a clip of the kid (PK Subban) and he started chuckling. Holy Shit. Are my taxes still paying this guy?

Take fighting tips from Wayne Gretzky. Ok, I admit it's BS to have a visor on during a fight and Wayne should have been mad. But who takes fighting tips from Little Miss Muffet? While on the subject, notice how he abslutely layed into Artyukhin for it, but the fact Clutterbuck did it was forgivable? Russinas give us Vodka Dongle. You should be sucking his 80 proof cacksnaggle.

Collapse is an intellectual's word. Really? Because coach Dongle used to call it "coming in" anyone who uses the correct term (collapsing in the defensive zone) is an intellectual? This is actually the best point he's ever made, as most crackheads have more brains in the tip of their coke nail than Dongle has in his entire pruny body.

Dead soldiers are "beautiful boys". We were treated to another war glorification, in which Dongle also managed to put his latent homosexuality front and center with his comment.

This was probably a little over the top, but I had to make up for lack of posts lately. Banzai!

Side Note: I still don't have photoshop, I'm using Paint.net, which, although free, is a poor substitute. Can we start a donation to buy me phtoshop or what?


Mr.Fuck said...

Perhaps the most offensive post not only on HockeyDump, but any hockey blog ever. Bravo sir, I am in your debt.

Spec7ral said...

Go Fuck yourself.

Spec7ral said...

If anyone else is reading my shit I would appreciate you fucking small dicks piping up a bit. Seriously, are you all quiet little Don Cherry lovers? Fucking man-up you doughnut eating Nova Scotians.