Tricks and/or Treats

Looks like Chris Neil has his costume picked out for tonight......


That would be Igor from Young Frankenstein.

Is it really a controversy if only one person is paying attention?

I have been keeping pretty close tabs on the goaltending situation in Los Angeles. I find the team exciting, and I have them pegged as a Stanley Cup contender this year. I mean, fuck, LOOK AT THEM. They are great. The only thing that may be holding them back is their goaltending. Well technically I guess it is their coach. I have no fucking idea who their coach is, but I'm putting my money on him being the one that keeps putting this guy in net:

For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why they kept playing this guy, especially in back to back games. This photo shows why. Not because he is dressed up as the Hulkster. Not because he has "the belt". It's because he has a polish kielbasa shoved down his shorts. I'm guess the coach has a rat the size of my pinky finger. When he saw the mortadella in the dressing room, he fell in love with member -envy and refuses to give this stud a chance:
Maybe if the Kings hired Graham James, Ersberg would get a shot, being that he looks like a lost 10 year old.

In other news, while I was skulking around the Kings website, I came accross an amzing story! One of charity, and heroes, and pixie dust for all the children!! Dustin Brown is donating $50 to charity for each one of his body checks this season. Way to go! If he matches his hit total from last year, that would be less than $16,000 dollars. Maybe I shouldn't be complaining...maybe I should sing the praises of a young man giving back to the community. Or maybe I should draw an analogy to me donating less than 1% of my annual salary everytime I jacked off, so I could get a tax deduction. Because that's what this smells like to me. Charity semen.

Janne Pesonen is creepy as fuck.

Woman of Pittsburgh look the fuck out.


Thanks to Spec7ral for the photo.

I would rather watch High School Musical 1 through 4, than watch one minute of this filth.

Schtick on the ice: The hockey musical.

Yes.

That is what I just typed.

I know...

I know.

I don't know how exactly I stumbled across this website, but ho-ly-shit. Is this for fucking real? This is like the plot of a Christopher Guest film!

FACT: There is no fucking possible way that this is even remotely bearable.

I can't even seem to put a clear thought together in my head about this, let alone a coherent paragraph. Why the fuck does this exist? Is it just to bother me? Am I being punk'd???



Seriously?.....WHAT THE FUCK???

Note: I drew you in with the Vanessa Hudgens pic, and then fed you the turds from the Hockey Musical story. See how we treat our readers here? It's amazing you keep coming back.

Note 2: Everytime I post a picture of a slut the hits double, so why is this not just a porn site?

Classic Comedy: Trottier & Stevens Vs. Bellows

Brian Trottier + Kevin Stevens + Brain Bellows = Thank God for microphones.



Transcript:

"Your knee must be killing you, Bellows"

"Get off the fucking ice, you faggot"

"Bellows, you must be really hurt"

"Fucking freak"

"Bellows, you must be really hurt"

"Get off the ice, you pussy"

"Your the best"

"Go lay on the ice"

"Your the fucking best, Bellows"

"Your a superstar"

"Lay on the ice like a little...lay on the ice like a broad, pussy"

"You fucking woman"

"You make me want to puke"

"Get up you faggot"

"You fucking tit fucker"

"Get up you pussy"

Brandon Sutter had it coming.

So Greg over at Puck Daddy posted this great link (although it was at the bottom of another post, and kind of hidden), to Brandon Sutter cheap shotting the fuck out of Alexie Cherepanov from behind last year.



I'm not sure if Brandon is doing interviews yet, or is even alive for that matter, but I can'y wait to hear what he has to say about all this shit. If he even has half of that world famous Sutter wit that his Dad and uncles are famous for, I'm sure we are in for a treat.

PS - If it does turn out that Brandon Sutter is dead after all, just disregard this post, and go to our Cherepanov RIP post and read that instead. Just replace Alexie for Brandon, and it will make it all better.

PS2 - Go Classy!

PS3 - PS2 looks like a note about the Playstation gaming console.

PS4 - So does PS3. And Ps4? Man, I can't wait!

Ps5 - I wonder if we will get more hits on HockeyDump because of people googling "PS4" and having this shithole pop up?

Hockey bloggers need to have their diapers changed.

So after every hockey blog on the planet has had their say on the Doug Weight / Brandon Sutter hit (and they were all the exact same take by the way), I would like to summarize it in 3 easy to read points.

• Yes, it was a very serious hit that lead to a young a talented kid to go to the hospital..blah balh blah...carrer ending,....blah, blah, blah,....something has to give...blah blah blah.
• The hit itself was clean, and if Brandon had gotten up after, everybody would be cheering it, and putting it on Celebrity endorsed Hockey DVD's to fill the shells every December. The fact is, he didn't. So now suddenly everybody has a conscience, and thinks we have to do something about it. How about we just agree that it was unfortunate, and move on. If it was a hit from behind or something I could hear the argument, but come on.
• Hockey is a tough sport. So shut up, and stop acting like such a pussy.

I could really rant on this for another 8 pages or so, but in reality it just comes down to those 3 points. And even then, I feel I said too much. Let's try it again...

• Life is precious.
• Hits are rad.
• Don't be a baby.

Yes. That works much better.

$8 beers, here I come!

So here I am, sitting at home on my couch preparing myself for a night of watching NHL Center Ice and blogging to a bunch of turds (no offence), when the most most wonderful phone call should appear. It was (almost) the best phone call a guy can get. It was the "I have an extra ticket to the game tonight, do you want to go?" phone call. So basically my night went from scratching my ass in front of the TV, to scratching my ass in front of 18,000 people. Sayonara suckers. I'm off to enjoy me some NHL action. -D.

PS - The Jagr pics above have nothing to do with the post, but I didn't see myself having any other chance to use it.

Eat It...

I hate to post about Toronto and I fully endorse Davey's earlier post BUT here's my 2 cents and I'll keep it simple:

I would love to see a team not called the Leafs win a Stanley Cup in Toronto . Yeah, we would still have Toronto douches to deal with but at least we could say they weren't Leafs douches.

That's all I want to say on this matter.

ps - I love this pic cause it says "if I have the Cup I don't need a coffee table. The Cup is perfect for any occasion, including airport departure gate snack-time, or some such thing-y"

EDITOR'S NOTE: Toronto shouldn't get a team ahead of many other cities (Seattle, Winnipeg, etc..)but if they did wouldn't it be great if the "new" team won a Cup before the Leafs? This edit just summed up my original post in less words....sorry about that.

Free dildo night.

Finally someone had the balls to replace the old, outdated hockey puck, with a bag of filthy dildos. It's about fucking time.

If you actually want to know the reason why there are dildos covering the ice in pic above, then you can read over at With Leather. But really, whatever story you make in your own head is probably better. Mine involves a creepy clown, and a bottle of Wild Turkey. Good Times!

Toronto is a spoiled brat.

Ah, I see nightmares do come true.

It appears that the NHL board of Governors got together today to discuss the usual old ways to keep the game as boring as possible, and the idea of awarding a 2nd team to Toronto.

Fuck. Seriously?

Isn't that one of the signs of the apocalypse? It's the one that comes right after the seas turning to blood, and the dead rising from the grave isn't it? Giving Toronto another team is like pinning every other team in the league on the ground and throwing dodgeballs at their nuts. Like the NHL isn't already the Toronto Show, now we will have a second head to place upon the monster?

And, am I the only one that thinks two teams in one town doesn't work? Clippers Vs Lakers, Rangers Vs. Islanders, Dodgers Vs. Angels. There will always be a top team, and the left over shit.

And why Toronto? That must really make the people of Quebec, Winnipeg and Hamilton happy. For years the people of Canada have been screaming for another team, well, they might just get what they wished for.

Fuck, I hate Toronto.

I really, really do.

There's no crying in hockey.

Someone needs to change little Patty Kane's diapers. Crying over a fired coach? Are fucking kidding me? What's going to happen when his buddy Jonathon is eventually traded? Is he going to slit his wrists, and write a dark poem?



You see, this is what happens when you yank kids out of High School when they are 14 to play semi-pro hockey. They don't learn how to deal with everyday problems, and turn into little emo babies. Fuck, what would Nolan Ryan think???

Note 1: Thanks to Les Merrick for the link.

Note 2: Thanks o Snoop-a-Loop for existing.

A few more 3rds have leaked.

So a few more of the new third jerseys leaked in the last week or so, and since we posted the first few, I figured we would post these ones as well. The best part about the new crop is that they are all so shitty, you don't have to worry about buying them. I like it when the NHL makes it easy for us.


I don't mind the logo, but is anyone else sick of black?


Wow a thicker stick. Where's my wallet?


This jersey is shitty. Sorry.



I like the name om white, but again, anyone sick of the retro thing yet?



This jersey makes the Tampa jersey look decent. And that's saying a lot.

I stole these pics from Icethetics.

Mike Commoder is rolling in his own crapulance.

Dear Mike Commodore,

Please keep treating your Facebook account like it's a private photo album that only you and your closest friends can access. It really does make it easier to be a hockey blogger.

Cheers,

-Davey

PS - Can I borrow some money? I'm good for it, I swear.

Nazzy and Foppa were dorks.

So I found these pics of Markus Naslund and Petr Forsberg as kids a few months ago, and I decided to hold on to them until there was something of interest to report on either of them. Well my friend, today is not that day. I just felt like posting something, and I'm sick of waiting for those boring bastards to step up, so here are the pics. I hope you find them as retarded as I did.







Of Course, now that I have posted these, I'm sure those two will end up robbing a bank together or something post worthy in the next 24 hours. Assholes.

Someone get that chick a sweater.

If you thought that the Ice Girls in the NHL was good, watch the video below and see what the hockey fans in Slovakia are getting for in between play entertainment.



Is this the standard over in Europe? If so, we should really get some expansion teams over there stat.

VHS Gretzky trumps DVD Crosby.

I was walking through my local big box TV/Stereo/Wii/Ipod/HD Cable warehouse the other day, and I noticed a new Sidney Crosby DVD for sale. Nothing really post worthy about that, right? Well, kinda. You see the DVD was Called "Sidney Crosby: On the ice and beyond". The reason this stuck out to me is because when I was a child, there was a wonderful Gretzky VHS entitled "Wayne Gretzky: Above and Beyond". Pretty similar, no? I wondered if they had the same production quality. You see, Above & Beyond has a solid hour of interviews with Wayne, Janet, Bruce McNall, his junior coaches, etc. It was pretty much the Wayne Bible. Is it possible that they made a DVD like this for the Kid? The answer is no. How do I know this? Well, I have never seen the DVD, but Sid is only in his third year in the NHL, and has accomplished about as much as Jose Theodore. That is to say, he has a couple shiny trophies, and that's it. Wayne had to earn his Home Video. Wayne had to film countless Mr.Big,Pro Stars, and New Coke commercials just to pay the rent.

So I have lost my train of thought here, but my point is, Wayne Gretzky's Home Video "Above & Beyond" is the greatest VHS sports tape of all time. Did I mention it's narrated by the dude from NFL Films? Ya, I know. It's awesome.

PS - The first line from the film (from memory) "Like the winged messenger mercury, he floats across the ice. Some say his gifts are from God, others say he is just a man". Fuck that. I need to get my hands on a VCR.

Patrick Kane has a good agent.

"Alright, so what we have found out about Pat, is that he's a liar, because nobody has ever scored on Domink Hasek."

I hate it when embeded shit is too big to nicely fit in the layout. FUCK!

The Siberian Express 1989-2008

Is it just me, or does it seem like there are a lot more young hockey players dying than there used to be. First there was Mickey Renaud who mysteriously died after collapsing (which is a lot what the Cherepanov death looks like at this point, and then Bourdon, and Alexei. From what I've read so far, it appears Jagr bumped into him on a line change, he sat down on the bench, passed out, and never woke up. It will be interesting to see how this one shapes up. Either way, it's sad to see someone with so much promise die so young.

Side Note: HockeyDump fought the urge to be crass and insensitive on this one, but managed to stay on track. That's 5 extra blog points for us ( that have immediately been taken away for writing this side note).

See the video below

Desert Dog Peyote Creation

All I can say about this is WOW.

Well, I guess I can say a little more than that. The Phoenix Coyotes have created a "media-mascot" that is basically a scary looking snowman with a black-eye, a mullet and an American flag top-hat. Frosty's got nothing on this guy. Oh, he also has a french accent...huh? And he talks "hockey/politics", double-huh.

I would have loved to have been in the meeting where this idea was pitched cause it obviously involved large quantities of drugs and alcohol. Enjoy and remember: you are not hallucinating this, it is real, very real.

Ricky the Swamp-Rat Steamboat..

So if you have the NHL Center Ice package, or live in Canada, you were lucky enough to witness the bombs Rick Rypien was dropping on Brandon Prust's face last night. The fight started off a little bit average, than Rick decided to switch his arm with RoboCop's arm, and sent Brandon's face back a few centuries. You gotta love a guy like Rick Rypien. He is an undrafted, 165 Pound, son of a championship boxer that has managed to make his way to from the ECHL to the bigs, simply by attacking people that are around 10,000 light years out of his weight class. He's like a filthy little swamp rat. Probably. I'm not entirely sure I didn't just make "swamp rats" up.

So here is the fight from last night in case you missed it.



And here are a few more BONUS Rypien fights for ya...















UPDATE: Swamp Rats are real. You can read more about them here.

Saturday Night Fights

Classic Brawl.

Canada Vs. U.S.S.R.

You gotta love it.

Sluts like hockey Part 3

So what do you think of when you think of HockeyDump? Thats right, untopical posts, and the great list of Hockey Sluts. It's our bread and butter (unless of course you count that post we did about Dustin Brown's penis). Anyways, it appears another site has also took it upon themselves to create a list of hockey sluts. This would probably bother me if our list wasn't ten times more comprehensive. In fact, we have 18 more ladies on our list. That's more sluts than they have total! It just goes to show you, if you want quality hockey journalism AND sluts, then go somewhere else. But if you want average hockey posts AND sluts, then simply bookmark the shit out of this place, because you are gonna be here a while.

BTW, here is the updated HockeyDump list of Hockey Sluts. Enjoy.

1. Hillary Duff (Mike Comrie)

2. Paris Hilton (Jose Theodore)

3. Anna Kournikova (Pavel Bure, Sergei Fedorov)

4. Elisha Cuthbert (Mike Komiserek, Sean Avery, Dion Phaneuf)

5. Mary Kate Olsen (Sean Avery)

6. Geena Lee Nolan (Cale Hulse)

7. Alyssa Milano (Wayne McBean)

8. ChaIsabella Scorupco (Mariusz Czerkawski)

9.Kellie Pickler (Jordan Tootoo)

10. Rachel Hunter (Sean Avery, Jaret Stoll)

11. Madonna (Mark Messier)

12. Janet Jones (Wayne Gretzky)

13. Kristi Yamaguchi (Bret Hedican)

14. Candace Cameron (Valerie Bure)

15. Carol Alt (Alexie Yashin)

16. Alicia Ricter (Petr Sykora)

17. Veronica Varekova (Petr Nedved)

18. Sheryl Crow (Alexander Daigle)

20. Pamela Anderson (Alexander Daigle)

21. Anne-Marie Carbonneau (Brendan Morrow)

22.Tiffany Granath (Brad Norton)

23. Kristen Bell (Nobody yet)

24. Charlotte Ronson (Sean Avery)

25.Angelica Bridges (Sheldon Souray)

26. Allison Dunbar (Sean O'Donnell)

28. Elena Alyonka Larionov (Alex Ovechkin)

29. Amy McCarthy (Dan Hinote)

30. Willa Ford (Mike Modano)

31. Kelly Klein (Sean Avery)

32.Emma Andersson (Hank Zetterberg)

33. Anne-Marie Carbboneau (Brendan Morrow)

34. Kate Hudson (Eric Lindros)

35. Katherine Keener (Sean Avery)


Note: That's Malkin in the photo above FYI. He likes him some sluts.

Clint Malarchuk is up to his crazy antics again

I could write an entire paragraph here on what exactly went down, but it's just as easy to give it to you in 3 simple points....

• Clint Malarchuk was shooting rabbits.
• Clint Malarchuk thought his face was a rabbit.
• Clint Malarchuk shot himself in the face with a 22. Caliber Rifle.

The End.

Averybody hates Sean.

More video madness popped up in the blogesphere the other day in the form of an interview with Sean Avery and some girl from some show I have never heard of.



I think the best part of this interview is that Sean is absolutely right. Bettman can't market the game worth shit. What's more exciting, Sean Avery or Marty Turco? Turco is a really nice guy, but he doesn't exactly sell the game. Also, I LOVE how Sean managed to hit on the host and slam Marty Broadeur at the same time. Amazing.

VIVA LA AVERY!

Odds that Sarah Palin gets raped in the old Spectrum parking lot? 2:1

Oh Sarah. You know not of what you do. So you think your a hockey mom huh? Well I'm willing to bet that the fans of Philadelphia have a thing or two to say about that.

You see, I have made no qualms about my intense fear of Philadelphia and the wonderful people that reside there. I have even made a post about it here. The problem is, is that Philadelphians are bat shit crazy, and like making the outsiders of their great city feel "unwanted" and "scared for their life". You have to remember, these are the same great fans that not only boo their own team on a regular basis, but have also booed fucking Santa Clause. Yes, that Santa Clause.

And why do I bring up Mrs. Palin and the City of Brotherly Love together? Well, it seems Sarah has decided it's a good idea to drop the first puck at the Flyers home opener this week. I tell ya, it's gonna be a fucking blood bath. I mean come on. Phily Vs. Alaska? It's not even fair. She is going to trot out there in a pant suit and her "Maverick" attitude and get her ass handed to her. Actually this could really be Phily's chance to shine. COME ON PHILY, DON"T LET US DOWN!

Bird on a wire.

So as certain teams clamor to get a roster in by Noon tomorrow, others are just sitting back signing hold-outs.

The Kings have put certain poolies fears to rest and signed O'Sullivan to a 3 year deal that will see him get just under 3 Mil per. Now all he has to do is not shit the bed.

In other news, there were some pretty surprising waives today. Some because they just make too much money, and others because they just plain suck. Here they are...

Kyle McLaren (SJ)

Boyd Devereaux (Tor)

Staffan Kronwall (Tor)

Matt Pettinger (Van)

Jason Krog (Van)

Peter Schaefer (Bos)

Aaron Downey (Det)

Cory Murphy (Fla)

And the HockeyBuzz Vs. HockeyDump Trade Rumors of the day are..

HockeyBuzz: Sundin will announce a team by puck drop Thursday.

HockeyDump: Sundin will sit on his couch and watch a "Coach" re-run on Thursday.

Note: I am only going to announce the trade rumours once a week now, because it is boring.

Afternoon Delight

-A Thrashers blog is reporting that as of August 15th the season ticket renewal rate was just 40% for the Thrashers. I smell re-location.

-Mike Ribiero like to dress all fancy. At least he should have a friend in Sean Avery.

-Lightning Fans don't like the Vancouver deal. Vancouver fans couldn't care less.

-Manon Rheaume is a sexy secretary.

-These are the guys you fucked up on in the late rounds of your Draft.

-And the HockeyBuzz Vs. HockeyDump trade rumours of the day are..

HockeyBuzz: Warrener to Tampa Bay & Berard to Tampa, Ottawa. St.Louis, Pittsburgh and Buffalo.. (And come on, thats not a rumour, thats just looking at the best D-Man available and then listing a bunch of teams that need a D-man.)

And the completely made up HockeyDump trade rumour of the day will be: Warrener to join Army & Berard to LA, Minnesota, Toronto, Florida, and Narnia.

The Sean Avery interview with George Strambledingleglops.

Wow. Great interview. It's nice to see a hockey player actually speak his mind. If Sean keeps this up I will be wearing a Stars #16 jersey by Christmas.

Oh ya....

...I forgot to post the HockeyBuzz Vs. HockeyDump trade rumours of the day.

Here it is.

HockeyBuzz:

Gaborik to Pittsburgh or Vancouver or Edmonton or Montreal or Washington or Pittsburgh or New York.

I'm not shitting you, thats what is says.

So I guess the HockeyDump completely pulled out of thin air Trade Rumour will be:

Gaborik to LA or Tampa or Toronto or Edmonton or New Jersey or Phoenix or Buffalo.

This is stupid.

The Hockey News is retarded. Again.

Congratulations Hockey News, you are only 20 years late!

I (for some reason) have a subscription to The Hockey News. And with that honour comes a daily email prompting me to a link to some wonderful article they have written that day. I usually read the headline, then chuck it into my junk folder. But today was different. Today I happen to read further. And what did it say? Well...

In talk of where the NHL should expand or move to, no one mentions Seattle, though their fans are wild, diverse and in need of a pro sports franchise

Wow...thanks for showing up to that party Hockey News. I wonder if the Hockey News is based in the East? Too perfect. The West has been screaming to give Seattle or Portland a team for 20 years. We keep hearing all the crying and moaning about Winnipeg, and Hamilton, but their are two great hockey cities without a team just sitting there on the coast that constantly go without mention. Also, Paul Allen has mentioned more than once that he would be interested in owning an NHL franchise there. But I guess it's better too have a dude named "Boots" have a franchise first.

I kind of got off track, but the basic gist of this post is, FUCK OFF EAST COAST. It's like having a self centered older brother. "But what about New York? But what about Toronto?" How about you shut the fuck up and die.

Anyways, I'm hung-over and hungry. I'm off to Denny's. That cool with you, asshole?

Hockey is Back!

In celebration of the beginning of a new hockey season, I have posted a bunch of pictures from 3 years ago. It appears to be a slut who has a thing for black hockey players. God Bless us every one.