Ovechkin playing through injury? SPECulation, but SAY IT AIN'T SO MA!!!

Some guy named Bakshir (or something ) is spreading NHL terror (or something)... saying that there is a possibility the grandmaster himself is playing through injury!!!

I think he is trying to get people to watch the NBA instead. Like people care about LeBron? NEVER!!! WE WANT OVIE!!!

Slowest 3 weeks in hockey, making excuses while the lost time unravels.

Hey There Dumplings!

Glad to be back from a brief tour of the southern gulf islands. Sad to say I didn't see much of any hockey, but I've got a 6 pack, a stomach full of over-priced margaritas and coronas, a smoldering quarrel (fueled by said mexi-bevs) with the GF and some internet archives to delve into...so...

LET'S ROCK AND ROLL!

Coach's room, crica April 4th.

Don starts off with some patriotic BS about the battle of Vimy and how the Canadian troops showed up and won it in a day, after the English and French had lost 100,000 troops previous to their arrival. Sounds like Cherry-picking to me, but hey, I am all about the puns.

One of the things that sucks about relaxing without technology and sports highlights, is that I see this over a week later:



Oh man. That is fucking brilliant. How is he a bad actor? That was some serious Broadway magic if you ask me.

So Don rips into Avery, and goes off about dalmatians not being able to change their spots. Good. Avery is a brainiac. Did he even get a suspension? Not that I can see. The NHL has a secret boner for this shit. I have a full blown throbbing one.

Not a lot more to report from this segment, other than this pic that they splashed up:



That's first lady Obama getting her junk crunked by the Queen. That's fucking moist!

Coach's Room circa April 11th:

Don starts off by lambasting some company that used "Ron and Don" to sell something. He didn't want "any of his guys" to think he would lend his name to something like that.



He would sooner lend his name to the tires they are riding on.

Dawn then touches on the fact the St. Louis Blues have sold out 27 times this season, mentioning in passing the free-food promos that Towers had brought to our attention earlier this year. He then commends John Davidson on this shrewd tactic. It's good to see that the Blue's version of food stamps garner his approval.

Okay, so here is when I lose my (paid-for) lunch. Don rattles off for a couple of minutes about how Ron Wilson is an idiot (by using sarcastic "Genius" quips). If Wilson actually said, as Don quotes, that bringing in talent would be "like putting jewelery on an ugly person", he IS a fucking genius because that is the most thought out quote I have heard in hockey in years (sloppy seconds doesn't count, even if Avery thought about his quote for longer than Wilson did).

Why would he say that? Due to the fact, they will most likely still suck balls next year. Here is their pipeline of talent: Tlusty. That's it. The rest of their AHL squad is chock full of 4th liners. Maybe Wilson is actually being shrewd by tempering expectations, which would help to (but not by much if anything) temper expectations from the Toronto faithful.

Not alot of photo-ops round these parts, so here is an example of what "Toronto faithful" deserve (I felt like contradicting myself a bit to make Dunce feel better about himself).




Ron McLean actually goes a bit ballsy, and asks Duncey what the axe he is grinding with Wilson is about, is it the loss to the Americans in the '96 World Cup? Don then goes anti-American as only he can, and promises to never speak of Ron Wilson ever again. Anyone want to take that bet? I am willing to put some money out there that he uses his name by mid-May. And for him to even talk about the Leafs this late in the season is fucking mind-blowingly comical as-is.

Right after he essentially calls for Ron Wilson to be fired, he is asked if MacTavish should be fired. He responds with "I will never, ever call for a coach to be fired...". Are you even fucking serious? Did I not just listen to him calling for Wilson's head for about 60 seconds? I am going to fucking lose my mind. The talent level on the Oilers is not even closely comparable to that of the Leafs, but he gets emo on it and gives MacTavish some love. This guy is pretty fucking close to certifiable at this point.

SIDE NOTE: THE FOLLOWING MAY MAKE YOU PISS YOUR PANTS OR SPIT BEER ALL OVER YOUR MONITOR, I DID BOTH!



Jesus Christ, that is on par with the Havlat healer and it's 4 minutes long...

Then Don goes on to celebrate the fact that Cindy Crosby fought with a visor on, the same thing he has berated all other players who do so throughout the year. His explanation? "Well the other guy has a visor on too". Fucking amazing.

Thanks Dunce. It's been a good year. I will try to keep up with you in the post-season, but it will be tough.

Side note: 50 bonus points to whoever can find MacTavish's mugshot from when he killed the person drunk driving. I need a new T-Shirt.

AO > The Kid

Are you fucking kidding me? I don't know how many times we have to repeat ourselves on this blog, but AO IS the face of the NHL, whether Betts and the boys in NYC like it or not. This video is just one of hundreds that show up almost weekly of Alex and Friends acting, well, like their age. It's REFRESHING. Just in case you were confused on that last thought, that is a good thing.

Is it just me? Or are all these cell phone videos of Alex goofing off not about 100 times more effective at making you love hockey than any of those NHL approved million dollar focus group wank fests that Crosby keeps starring in? How about instead of making some hockey purest, love of the game, Canadian circle jerk, you stop trying to turn Sid into another Gretzky clone, and focus on what actually works. O-VECH-KIN.

Here is the new idea, just have a camera follow the Caps around and watch the viewers and subsequent dollars roll in. And if you have time, tell Sid to shut the fuck up and smile every once in a while. Seriously, that guy walks around like his dog just died. But I guess if you were told that if you weren't the best, you were a failure ever since you were 13, you would be kind of a cock too.

VHS Gretzky trumps DVD Crosby.

I was walking through my local big box TV/Stereo/Wii/Ipod/HD Cable warehouse the other day, and I noticed a new Sidney Crosby DVD for sale. Nothing really post worthy about that, right? Well, kinda. You see the DVD was Called "Sidney Crosby: On the ice and beyond". The reason this stuck out to me is because when I was a child, there was a wonderful Gretzky VHS entitled "Wayne Gretzky: Above and Beyond". Pretty similar, no? I wondered if they had the same production quality. You see, Above & Beyond has a solid hour of interviews with Wayne, Janet, Bruce McNall, his junior coaches, etc. It was pretty much the Wayne Bible. Is it possible that they made a DVD like this for the Kid? The answer is no. How do I know this? Well, I have never seen the DVD, but Sid is only in his third year in the NHL, and has accomplished about as much as Jose Theodore. That is to say, he has a couple shiny trophies, and that's it. Wayne had to earn his Home Video. Wayne had to film countless Mr.Big,Pro Stars, and New Coke commercials just to pay the rent.

So I have lost my train of thought here, but my point is, Wayne Gretzky's Home Video "Above & Beyond" is the greatest VHS sports tape of all time. Did I mention it's narrated by the dude from NFL Films? Ya, I know. It's awesome.

PS - The first line from the film (from memory) "Like the winged messenger mercury, he floats across the ice. Some say his gifts are from God, others say he is just a man". Fuck that. I need to get my hands on a VCR.

Thrashers slightly less shitty.

If you are Atlanta, why would you deal for a good player? You see, in my mind, adding Matty Schneider makes the Trashers better. So whats the problem? Well, he doesn't make them that much better. He isn't going to turn the arguably worst team in the NHL into a playoff contender, but it could turn a Tavares pick into a Toni Rajala pick. And that is the same difference between picking Sidney Crosby and Jack Skille. How about this for an idea Atlanta. Just sit back, relax, let Kovalchuk dazzle your fan for 5 months, then ride the draft wave into 2010. Also, if you don't do this, Toronto will, and we can't afford to let those guys have anything. Why? Fuck you, that's why.

Also, why is a player that is supposedly that good on his 8th team? Whats up with that?

Top 10: Philidelphia Flyers Fans Edition

This is a tribute to the biggest assholes (meant lovingly of course) in hockey. They are the winning losers, they are the fans of Philadelphia. I should preface these clips by saying that I am not from Phily, but I have been there, and I have walked the great parking lot of stadiums and arenas, and that place scares the shit out of me. It doesn't even seem like they are Flyers fans, as much as they are haters of the other 29 teams in the league. Actually they are haters of any other city on the planet. Not to be to dramatic, but there was a garbage can on fire. Who lites garbage cans on fire? When did Phily become the Thunderdome? Either way, this is the Philadelphia Flyers Fans Top 10.


10. "My name is mother fucking Philadelphia"


9. Sidney Crosby is Gary Bettman's daughter


8. Sooo, do they like Ovechkin, or....


7. The video here is bad, but the guy yelling "Faggot" morphing into chants of "USA, USA" is pretty amazing. Only in America.


6. Booing the Canadian National Anthem. Too good.


5. They scream "sucks" after every Kings player is announced.


4. Then this guy showed up...


3. They start them 'em young in the city of brotherly love.


2.Crosby Sucks


1. This is not only one of the best flyers fans clips of all time, but one of the best hockey clips of all time.

The Big Question

Q: So what adult beverage does "Sid the Kid" drink?

A: Jack Daniels or Crown Royal.