The Daily Mats Sundin Repot

The Irish Sunday Independent reports that Mats was seen with former NHLer Frederick Olausson, outside of Belfast at a local car dealership last night. "They were test driving a purple Peugot 307" says one source. While the thrifty price tag of the automobile could be a clue as to the destination of the star center this fall, an even bigger question looms as to why he and Frederick are buying a car together at all. Nobody from the Sundin camp could be reached for comment.

Wasn't Happy Gilmour like, 15 years ago?

And finally for the golfer that not only enjoys a great sight gag on the course, but also wants his putting skills to decrease dramatically, we have the hockey stick putter. This little bad boy comes in all the NHL motifs, stick tape included. But seriously, I guess this could be a good way to spruce up the old company tourny. How much is it, $5? Oh, it's $115.....Hmmm.....well good luck with that.

www.hockeystickputters.com

UPDATE: It turns out that not only are these putters wicked expensive, they aren't even the first ones on the market. Burn.

New Jersey Devils to Move to Las Vegas by start of 2008 Season.

So it's no secret that mid summer has got to be the worst time of year to blog about hockey. Everyone is out and about swimming and laughing shoving it my face. I for one try to fill the time by posting pics of retired players teenage daughters, and pocking fun at people's religious beliefs. But it appears some of the other blogs have decided to run HARD with the Sergei Brylin story.

Is it just me, or is Sergei Brylin fucking boring? Who gives a shit about a guy that had 16 points last year? And yes I know, he was on the same team for his entire 14 year career, but so was some other douche, I'm sure, but you don't see us talking about him, do you?

Anyways, here is a link to the Sergei Brylin website. I highly recommend you visit it soon, as it hasn't been updated in 5 years.

Brylin-Mania: http://216.247.124.245/index.html

Oh ya, the Vegas thing,...ya...I made that up.

Ovechkin scores.

Now I don't want this blog to turn into the TMZ of hockey blogs, (unless of course it raises readership), but far be it from me to deprive you from a picture of a hot young slut.



This is Alex Ovechkin with his date Elena Alyonka Larionov. She is the 21 year old daughter of Igor, and wants to be a pop-star.In fact she recently tried out of American Idol. It's nice to see that Alex is following in the footsteps of other great Russia starts in banging semi-famous blond chicks. Although, I would have assumed that Alex's new mentor Sergie Fedorov would have pointed him in the direction of Elena's younger teen sister Diana, a la Kornikova. (below).



And just to even out the playing field, here is a pic of Gino Odjick for the ladies.



Read more about this super interesting story here: www.google.com

New Poll: Bees Edition

What has a long neck, a long beak, and some say sqawks a lot?

What I really enjoy about this commercial news story is not the fact that the Wayne Gretzky doll has short shorts on, it's the tempo at which the CBC has edited the piece. It's like they were airing specifically for new immigrants trying to learn about Canadian culture. And what's with Ken? Dude, cut your hair, and get a job.

The Daily Mats Sundin Repot

The Harvard Lampoon reported this morning that Mats was seen at a dog fighting match with the honorary Dr.Bill Cosby in Stillwater, Florida last night. He was said to be drinking a mint smoothy, and shouting obscenities at the predominantly Mexican staff. Nobody at the Sundin camp could be reached for comment.

Brett Favre is making me hungry.

The American Hockey League's bread and butter franchise, Iowa Chops, have extended a contract offer to Green Bay Packers legend Brett Favre to play hockey for them in this up coming season. Team President Mr.Nitzel had this to say...

"Brett is one of the greatest American athletes balh, blah, blah deserves a place to play blah, blah, blah extending an offer to him blah, blah, blah newest member of the Iowa Chops Blah, blah blah..."

This is clearly a publicity stunt on the part of the Chops, but just imagine Brett saying yes and signing? That would be fucking amazing considering The Chops are the new minor league affiliate of the Anahiem Ducks, and he could be skating on a line with Bobby Ryan. I would love to see the look on Burke's face if this went down. Having all of his prospects skating around with a millionaire clown. Why don't they just sign Kevin Lowe while they're at it?

Note: I couldn't find any good pics or video of the Iowa Chops Ice Hockey Team, so this will have to do.

Demitra & Hossa are in love.

So I was stealing material doing research on some other sports blogs when I came across this great video of Pavol Demitra and Marian Hossa figure skating. Apparently it's a commercial for some underprivileged country that can't afford English, and sells orange squares.

Weird Hockey Organ Arena Mechanical Thing.

I don't know exactly what this is, but I like it.

More pics here: http://www.graemepatterson.com/Hockey-Organwebpage1.html#

Go Ovechkin, go, go Oveckin, indeed.

The official Alexander Ovechkin jungle rap has hit the market and it sounds as good as it reads. It's pretty much like any other internet based song except about 10 times more swearing -and I think that that was an element missing from Sports-Based Parodies.

If you want to, you can check out the artists that put this together on their MySpace page. They go by the name PUMMELER, and have an extensive photography collection of different bottles of booze. It really is quite something.

Best Line in the song: You can have your fucking Pens, and your pussy fucking Sens, you'll be crying in basement of the league with all your friends.

The Daily Mats Sundin Report

The San Diego Union Tribune reported this morning that Mats was seen with NFL Charger, Carlos Polk, riding the dolphins at SeaWorld. A park representative was quoted as saying the popular dolphin Kiko is a die hard New York fan, and that this may be a sign that Mats is returning to the NHL wearing the Rangers Blue. Nobody from the Sundin camp could be reached for comment.

Andreas the Baptist.

Andreas Lilja better hope that the Jesus is a hockey fan, because he has decided to drown them in Holy Water when he gets the Cup this summer.

When contacted Lilja said:

"Our children, Tilda, 5, and Maja, 10 months, will be baptized now, and it will be a little different to do it this way"

He also added:

"When the inevitable apocalypse hits the cold plains of earth, the rain of blood will cover all the sinners, while me and my family look down in disgust from our comfy cloud in the kingdom of heaven"



He makes a good point.

A small collection of Gretzky fights to make the night a bit longer.

Giving Vinny an erection since 1997.

So you may or may not be familiar with The Tampa Bay Lightning Girls, but trust me, they do in fact exist. You see, in the non tradition hockey markets like Florida, the peeps need a bit more than a Stanley Cup Championship to get their shit flowing. Cue the sluts. Actually, they aren't much different than the bitches that clean the ice in most other arenas, except they are dumber and crave 10% more cock.



Anyways, what made me think of these lovely ice lassies, was a blog I stumbled across by the name of Hockey, Football, and Stiletto shoes. It's a fairly odd sports blog based in Pittsburgh and curated by a lady. It holds true to its word, as it does cover the topics of football, hockey and yes, High heeled shoes.

Check it here: mythreefavoritethings.blogspot.com

This song will be in your head for days.

So the CBC has been running their Canada's Hockey Anthem Challenge thing for let's say, a month now, and they have received over 1500 entries. So far this one is in the lead (if internet hits were the determining factor. which they fucking should be).



If this wins, I swear to God, I will watch every single minute of HNIC on principal alone. I couldn't even imagine Cherry's face if that happened. I think he would rather see a bunch of Canadian Solidiers get sodomized by a fat Swedish dong than see that happen. It would be glorious.

Side Note: Why does the cat only have one leg?

Ovechkin Streetwear is off tha hizook.

Did you know that Alex Ovechkin has joined the ranks of Gwen Stefani and Hilary Duff by releasing his own clothing line? It's true. Here is video of the super cool launch party complete with dated scenester prints and a try hard band to match (The Hidden Cameras). The line will also include a new shoe deal with Reebok. Because nothing says fan loyalty like wearing the same shoes that your hero doesn't wear when he's lighting the lamp. Oh also, Ovechkin Streetwear is available exclusively at Pro Hockey Life stores. Ya, I have never heard of them either.

Sean Avery has been masterbating.

This is a few weeks old, but some how it flew under my radar. It seems that the Dallas Star, Sean Avery told Susan Kirschbaum, (some fashion bitch), that he was going to "Go home and Jerk off to her". This came after she inquired as to wether or not he was sure he wasn't gay. Avery also apparently added "that's a big compliment," and later texted her saying that "the session is going well."

Sean Avery is a question wrapped in am enigma, dipped in a riddle, and sprinkled with date rape. Is there a camera this guy doesn't want to fuck?

The full story here...

http://gawker.com/tag/the-straights/?i=397719&t=
hey-ladies-sean-avery-will-jerk-off-to-you-now

Al Franken and hockey, something, something...

Did you know that Al Franken is running for Senate in Minnesota? Do you care? Me neither, but apparently the guy he's up against in running on a platform that he "brought hockey back" to the state like a decade ago. Here is his approved message.



And here is Al Franken's responce.



This would be more interesting if Al Franken was running against Victoria Jackson or something, but some feeble old man? Who the fuck cares. Also, isn't Minnesota the place where The Body Ventura was Governor? What with that place, do they just hand out public office to anyone that has been in a commercial? I have a blog, can I be mayor?

An open letter to Brendan Shanahan

Dear Shanny,

I know that at one point not that long ago you were a pretty good hockey player, that played at a very high level, but that time has passed. Basically, hang them the fuck up. You are starting to look pathetic. Do you want to be the next Paul Coffey, or Dave Andreychuck? Nobody does. Those guys are shitty. Do you really want to play that one last season in Florida to a crowd of 8000 people? Do you really want to be forced into retirement half way through the season because that 700K with bonuses is becoming a financial strain on the Team? Just do the right thing and retire now while you still have your dignity. If you do, I promise to come and watch you play the local fireman when the OldTimers comes to my town with Tom Kurvers and the rest of the "Legends". And when the referees come out and do their 3 blind mice routine, I promise to laugh. So just hold a press conference, shed a tear, and thank your agent, or the next thing you know is you will be passed over on waivers for the 3rd time this year.

Cheers,

-Earth


PS - Can you pass this along to Teppo, Cheli, Gary, Feddy, Blakes, Roeny, Guerry, Footy, Dougy, and Holi. Thanks.