Truly Tasteless

Well, well, well....

Some blogs might've had the audacity to ask why we got back in the game at such an inopportune midsummer's night... or maybe that was just some contributor pointing out obvious idiocies we so clearly thrive on. Either way, sometimes the answer presents itself, in glowing fashion, in an opportunity for some asshole to simply act as such in a time there is no need to be...

Let's tabulate:



WEll done! Rypien holding his own against one of the bigger pylons in the NHL.




Awesome! Rypien showing his prowess versus some huge dude I am not familiar with.




Cantankerousness! Rypien beat up old man May in a dukeroonie!




Rypien showing he doesn't care if you are a tower of power of Fanrappa de clappa, he will take all comers!!!



Super excited to go and show everyone how great he is at hockey, and at just beating the shit out of people in general.

Anyways fuck it. I have questions regarding his "personal leaves" one of them enduring 70 games. Need I remind anyone that is just over half the number of games an NHL team plays in? Just over.

Drugs? Bi-polar? Shit-house nutzoid?

It's not very strange, being that Canada prides itself on shutting down nuthouses and letting criminals roam the streets in general. I guess it's really just truly a fucking loss that some character guy didn't get another shot a busting some domes. Dream almost came true for a legend in a bunch of people's semi-level minds.

Fucking criminal, really.

Dear other blogs,

Shut the fuck up about Corsi Ratings. They are way over your heads, and instead of coming off as puck savvy, you just sound like a bunch of assholes.

Cheers,

-The Dump

(international jerk off motion coupled with fart sounds).

This website feels like this episode.... Is there really more than 3 followers here? Feels like Davey thinks theres an army backing us..

Whatever, Mmmmm, Meth.

"Hogwarts looks fun"

Brent Burns got a Harry Potter tattoo. I didn't even think it was possible for an NHLer to have a disappointed Father, but, there ya go.

Welcome to San Fransis-er,....Jose.

Mmmmmm..... Meth

Lifes Not Always About Hockey,here's another fun way to pass the time...
Clean Bitch Clean!!

The dream is still alive!

Damn, the Dump could not have resurrected itself at a better time as news just came down across the wire that the great Janne Pesonen will be a The Jets training camp this fall!

Christ, let the hockey gods be given the strength to right this horrendous wrong. After a tiny bullshit stint on the 4th line in Pittsburgh two season's ago, Janne was banished to the KHL to toil as a pinko sloth. But now like a club hopping phoenix, he will rise again as the savoir of Winnipeg!

IN JANNE WE TRUST.



Editor's Note: Pesonen has been the focus of 3 of the first 5 new HD posts since our wonderus return. NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA...

Sean Avery is a scholastic, gentlemanly, pig-pusher.

Way to go Sean. Way to push that fucking pig that showed up to your door trying to shut down your party. You fucking show him who's boss!

This is all hear-say and circumcismal, but there are reports that Sean Avery, Lady Byng hopeful, may have had some sort of fracas-invlovement with officers of the law that were attempting to reel in a get-together at a venue of his choosing.

Who the fuck do these pigs think they are, anyways? It's THE SEAN AVERY FUCKING WINE MIXER!

Avery would most likely be risking a bit of his stake at future NHL viability. His response? "It'll all work out at some point". I guess I would feel confident that my career and future were in good hands, especially if I handed my legal troubles over to the career-saving lawyer in charge of Mel Gibson's and Lindsay Lohan's law run-ins.

Bravo Sean. Maybe you can Haute-Couture the shit outta the pen you go to. Not to be confused with the pen that "fat little pigs" live in.

The most amazing of all this? If you google Sean Avery under News, he is trumped by some name-saked mare that placed 1st at VAderbilt [assumes this is an improtant horse race]. AT least someone is #winning.

Uh,...

So wait, are you implying that August may not be the best time to relaunch a hockey blog?

Fuck. I don't think we thought this one through. Not a lot to wet the hockey whistle in the mid summer' heat. I imagined that the flood of anger and bullshit that would inevitably flow like a drunken piss off a suicidal bridge would carry us forward once the damn broke, but instead I find myself creatively floating face down in a stagnant pool of regret. But come on, fuck this. We went years before this, finding anything and everything to wipe our journalistic asses with. What about the Weber's sweet seven? Or how about Heatley and his holy hog flying north for the winter. Those must be post worthy. are they not? I think I just need one event to unfold that makes me want to to login and fuck. Not the easiest emotion to find at times. I guess when it happens it happens, but until then, I think it's time for a HockeyDump classic. Sing it with me now,....

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA!

Pess Who's Back?

Remember when Luongo said that he felt better about winning the series vs Chicago than he did the Olympic Gold?

What a fucking dipshit.

New account, same name, same drivel, same game. Get ready for the slowest 3 minutes since we pulled out of an Afghani cream-pie, you dumplings. Feels good to dust 'em off. Now let's put it to good use. HOO-LAH-LAH

This Guy Shouldnt Get A Parade, Or A Ring!

Anybody else think this Broken Down Bruin didnt deserve a spot in the Parade? And who's that slut he brought to the party? Furthermore, this loser also doesnt deserve a ring for his lack of effort in the Final. Lifes not fair Nathan, you dont get to have your cake and eat it too. Go Fuck Yourself and get a better helmet.

Is this thing on?

Holy shit, as I live and breathe. It appears that hell has indeed come upon it's own juicy cold spell, as the dead are rising from their contemptuous graves. "Is it true?", the raucous children on the playgrounds will beg. And with a mighty splatter, the righteousness of the few will reign. It is true. The Hockey Dump has returned to the blogosphere. The traveller has come. But has this return of the dead come at a greater cost? Is this merely a rushed sequel branded with rehashed defamation? The answer is undoubtedly, absofuckinglutely. And if you don't like it, then you can quite literally and figuratively, if you may, GO FUCK YOURSELF. The dump is back. Time to pay the piper.

-Davey Williams

PS - The other turds are also back with a possibility of new contestants in the future. So, ya.

BLOG DOWN! BLOG DOWN!

Quite clearly The Dump has gone the way of the dinosaurs. Will it ever be back? Who knows. But for now, please enjoy all the rants and general malaise of the past. God speed you black emporer, God speed.

The slowest Three Minutes in Hockey: Slow Start To The Blogging Season Edition

Okay folks, time to let 'er rip.

Johnny Mitchell is a gem? Who the FUCK is Johnny Mitchell? Are Burke and Wilson paying for this shit? All the money that's tied up in that back end and he's touting some guy named Johnny Mitchell? It's not like they can just stick Jeff Finger in the minors and make his salary disappear.

Jason Blake should play center. This is getting good. So all the pure centers they have on this squad and it's time to take an old winger and turn him into a center to dish to Kessel? Yeah, fucking Jason Blake is the next fucking Marc Savard. Maybe I should be looking to dish Kessel in my keeper, since the Leafs brass probably use these talks as their blueprint for success.

"Do you have a picture of a young boy?" WHAT?!?!?!

Ok, so he is showing us a pic of a dead kid from the pig's poo flu. Sad, I guess, or maybe it is sadder that Don stumbled over getting H1N1 out of his mouth when that's the only thing I've seen on the TV and the front of the paper for the last month.


What's Don's solution to H1N1 you ask? Vaccines maybe? Nope: "Have your own bottle, no more high fives". Brilliant

PUT UP THE TROOPERS I FEEL LIKE CRYING!!

JESUS CHRIST!!!!



Editor's note: Apologies for the lack of posts, but, really, I'm not the only motherfucker that contributes to this disease. I will also be shutting down my internet for a while, so don't expect much from my bitch ass. I am looking at Williams and Towers to step the fuck up. Either that or this turns into an excuse to go over to my buddy's place and get drunk and post. Only time will tell.

That's for the kids.

Announced attendance 6,899.

That means there was probably only around 4 Grand there at best. Holy shit, this is going to get far worse before it gets better. I can't fucking wait.

Can they possibly break the magic 1000 mark? God I hope so.

GO! COYOTES! GO!

Scott Hartnell bites Kris Letang

I have no proof, but that's what the announcers are speculating right now. Man I hope Fartsmell went Tyson on that shit!!!

Zdeno Chara is a frustrating mess.

I haven't been less inspired to post my hockey thoughts in a long time. I'm not sure if it's because the hockey world just got repetitive, or if it's just the basic fact that I am a manic depressive that is reaching the beautiful end. I'm sure I could muster up the shazz to post some rant on the Toronto medias complete love affair with anything Burke, or maybe a scathing post regaling the wonder the is "Battle of the Blades". But it just seems easier to roll over and post this amazing picture of Zdeno and his man body. I don't even need to write anything for this. I am your prototypical blogger. Lazy as shit. Someone give me an award.

PS - I think I might be gay. That would be amazing.

The Slowest Three Minutes In Hockey: 30th Anniversary Edition

Hey there young bucks!!

So it's the 30th anniversary! Of the Dump? Hell no, this shithole hasn't been around that long, we would've been writing from our cribs! But, my favorite target, Dunn-didely-dunn-dunce Cherry has been spitting drivel over electromagnetic waves for exactly that, 30 seasons!

I would just like to take a moment to honour Dunce. He has not only managed to stay on the air for that long, spitting hogwash and horseshit to whoever will listen, but he has also managed to turn himself into a national celebrity, whom many Canadians would probably vote into office.

O Canada....


So not a ton to report tonight. Dunce seems pretty proud that he called the kettle black. The "kettle" being Brian Burke and "black" being a hot-headed-Irishman-who- values-goons-over-skill. Bravo! I hope he had a potato pancake in celebration.

I might!

It feels good to be back.

Sidenote: When I came back to the dump the other day, I got some weird messages from my browser. If anyone else experiences the same problems and still has the nuts to come in here, please let Williams know so we can try to figure out what it's all about.

Nevermind the Off-Season, Here's HockeyDump.

I got nothing to say right now, but damn, this should be played before every hockey game every played.

Guess who's back?

Hey Kids,

It's been a short off-season. It was a beautiful summer out here on the west coast of Canada. I enjoyed heat waves and barbecues, break-ups and moves, noise-complaints and sports drafts. It was eventful and emotional. But there comes a time to hunker down and dust-off the childish blogs of yesteryear. Times like 1:31pm PST on Wednesday the 30th of September, aka the eve of the NHL regular season. I'm sick as a dog, so I have nothing else to do. Who takes two weeks off after summer ends anyways?

So here we are, Silver Spoon-style, except my face is your monitor and Williams isn't going to hire Mr. T to protect your ass if I start picking on you.

Me And Mr. T - Season 1 - Episode 104 -
Milk Money Bitches.

Enough of that garbage, let's attack some hockey topics:
Don Cherry is going to be a judge of figure skating on a CBC reality tv series. Personally, I think this is tremendous.
Especially tremendous is the opportunity for Glenn Anderson to do some triple axels. You know he's got it in him.


Is anyone else excited about watching their favorite teams play the Habs this year? Their off-season signings should make it similar to Gullivar's Travels with ice skates. I can't wait to see who on that top line goes into the corner to get a puck. I'd say the smart money is on none of them.


That's about all I have for now. But I would like to share a couple pretty goals with you. This kid has been pegged by multiple people as being a third line center. Just thought I would let you know he'll be first line center by year's end (or the next Darren Haydar). Here's hoping for the former, I drafted his ass in my keeper.

HockeyDump became an Ovechkin FanSite so slowly, I didn't even notice.

RUSSIA TODAY: How do you prepare for the game?

OVECHKIN: Sex really helps, actually.

RUSSIA TODAY: Is that before or after the match?

OVECHKIN: Before and after.