Jose Theodore wants you to rub one out at the game.

Jose: So I was thinking of maybe putting a cool cartoon cat on the side of my mask this year.

Mask Guy: Ok, cool. So you mean like a tough cartoon panther?

Jose: Ya, kinda. Like a really neat girl cat.

Mask Guy: You want the panther to be a girl?

Jose: Ya, you know. Like a basic sexy girl panther in a bikini.

Mask Guy: You want me to paint a panther in a bikini on the side of your mask?

Jose: That's a great idea!

Mask Guy: D cups?

Jose: Yes, D cups.

Easy Ryder.

I like how Mike over here clearly sees that he has taken a massive shite on in and around The Cup, but decides to just roll the discretion inwards as to hopefully mask his bed shitting for another day. Fucking smooth as ice. The lonestar state has got to be pleased as punch with this mental wizard.

MORE SIDNEY...

Another shot at poor old Sidney...

WHO BROKE SIDNEY'S BRAIN?

So who's sick of hearing about the progress of Mr. Crosby's Off-Season Training? I know I am.. So the question is, Steckel or Hedman, which hit broke Sids Brain?

The Career Ender

It used to be ok to end careers. What ever happened to this Golden Era? Even the announcers found the humour in concussions. Check the 44 second mark, "Knocks Bassen Goofy". Concussions are still funny, just frowned upon by the establishment. Hats off to you Mr. Stevens.

The plausibility of this idea is growing everyday.

Pretty kewl, I guess.

The Contest Entry Form:

The Advert:

The Spoils:


I guess the diabolical jew got me to do his bidding, partially, but I couldn't find him any video ad of Wayner... that last pic makes up for it though.

When you're this Big they call you, Goalie.

Anyone else remember that Mr.Big commercial from the 80's with Wayne Gretzky? I tried effortlessly to find it on you YouTube, for at least 10 seconds, and it didn't pop up. All I really remember from it was Wayne in all white, jumping up into a freeze frame while the Mr.Big singers rejoiced that "Mr.Big just can't be beat". Is this true? Can Mr.Big not be beat? Was Gretzky supposed to be Mr.Big in this scenario? Because, I gotta tell ya, Wayne may not have been the best spokesperson for a candybar that boasts it's appeal in mass. Maybe someone like Rogatien Vachon would have been a better choice. That guy probably swallowed those things whole, like a bird, in between periods.

Why wouldn't this work?

Seriously, couldn't you just cram this Mexican Peach into some Vaughn's for 60 minutes? Sure the conditioning is lacking, but couldn't you just Fuhr that shit up a notch?

Editor's note: That slab of human fantasy is 1320LBS! What is he, a fucking Fiero?

Lets Laugh At Concussions Together..

No Doughty.

Jesus fucking Christ. Shut the fuck up about Drew Doughty's RFA status. Does anybody outside the SoCal market give a shit? Is this the slowest hockey news summer ever? It's Sundin-Gate all fucking over again. Lombardi Vs. Meehan? Who gives a shit? I guarantee that Doughty is suited up by the start of the season, which would make the THOUSANDS of hours that all the papers and radio and blogs have spent on the subject absofuckinglutely moot. All this for a 40 point jagoff? Get a fucking job.

Truly Tasteless

Well, well, well....

Some blogs might've had the audacity to ask why we got back in the game at such an inopportune midsummer's night... or maybe that was just some contributor pointing out obvious idiocies we so clearly thrive on. Either way, sometimes the answer presents itself, in glowing fashion, in an opportunity for some asshole to simply act as such in a time there is no need to be...

Let's tabulate:



WEll done! Rypien holding his own against one of the bigger pylons in the NHL.




Awesome! Rypien showing his prowess versus some huge dude I am not familiar with.




Cantankerousness! Rypien beat up old man May in a dukeroonie!




Rypien showing he doesn't care if you are a tower of power of Fanrappa de clappa, he will take all comers!!!



Super excited to go and show everyone how great he is at hockey, and at just beating the shit out of people in general.

Anyways fuck it. I have questions regarding his "personal leaves" one of them enduring 70 games. Need I remind anyone that is just over half the number of games an NHL team plays in? Just over.

Drugs? Bi-polar? Shit-house nutzoid?

It's not very strange, being that Canada prides itself on shutting down nuthouses and letting criminals roam the streets in general. I guess it's really just truly a fucking loss that some character guy didn't get another shot a busting some domes. Dream almost came true for a legend in a bunch of people's semi-level minds.

Fucking criminal, really.

Dear other blogs,

Shut the fuck up about Corsi Ratings. They are way over your heads, and instead of coming off as puck savvy, you just sound like a bunch of assholes.

Cheers,

-The Dump

(international jerk off motion coupled with fart sounds).

This website feels like this episode.... Is there really more than 3 followers here? Feels like Davey thinks theres an army backing us..

Whatever, Mmmmm, Meth.

"Hogwarts looks fun"

Brent Burns got a Harry Potter tattoo. I didn't even think it was possible for an NHLer to have a disappointed Father, but, there ya go.

Welcome to San Fransis-er,....Jose.

Mmmmmm..... Meth

Lifes Not Always About Hockey,here's another fun way to pass the time...
Clean Bitch Clean!!

The dream is still alive!

Damn, the Dump could not have resurrected itself at a better time as news just came down across the wire that the great Janne Pesonen will be a The Jets training camp this fall!

Christ, let the hockey gods be given the strength to right this horrendous wrong. After a tiny bullshit stint on the 4th line in Pittsburgh two season's ago, Janne was banished to the KHL to toil as a pinko sloth. But now like a club hopping phoenix, he will rise again as the savoir of Winnipeg!

IN JANNE WE TRUST.



Editor's Note: Pesonen has been the focus of 3 of the first 5 new HD posts since our wonderus return. NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA...

Sean Avery is a scholastic, gentlemanly, pig-pusher.

Way to go Sean. Way to push that fucking pig that showed up to your door trying to shut down your party. You fucking show him who's boss!

This is all hear-say and circumcismal, but there are reports that Sean Avery, Lady Byng hopeful, may have had some sort of fracas-invlovement with officers of the law that were attempting to reel in a get-together at a venue of his choosing.

Who the fuck do these pigs think they are, anyways? It's THE SEAN AVERY FUCKING WINE MIXER!

Avery would most likely be risking a bit of his stake at future NHL viability. His response? "It'll all work out at some point". I guess I would feel confident that my career and future were in good hands, especially if I handed my legal troubles over to the career-saving lawyer in charge of Mel Gibson's and Lindsay Lohan's law run-ins.

Bravo Sean. Maybe you can Haute-Couture the shit outta the pen you go to. Not to be confused with the pen that "fat little pigs" live in.

The most amazing of all this? If you google Sean Avery under News, he is trumped by some name-saked mare that placed 1st at VAderbilt [assumes this is an improtant horse race]. AT least someone is #winning.

Uh,...

So wait, are you implying that August may not be the best time to relaunch a hockey blog?

Fuck. I don't think we thought this one through. Not a lot to wet the hockey whistle in the mid summer' heat. I imagined that the flood of anger and bullshit that would inevitably flow like a drunken piss off a suicidal bridge would carry us forward once the damn broke, but instead I find myself creatively floating face down in a stagnant pool of regret. But come on, fuck this. We went years before this, finding anything and everything to wipe our journalistic asses with. What about the Weber's sweet seven? Or how about Heatley and his holy hog flying north for the winter. Those must be post worthy. are they not? I think I just need one event to unfold that makes me want to to login and fuck. Not the easiest emotion to find at times. I guess when it happens it happens, but until then, I think it's time for a HockeyDump classic. Sing it with me now,....

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA!

Pess Who's Back?

Remember when Luongo said that he felt better about winning the series vs Chicago than he did the Olympic Gold?

What a fucking dipshit.

New account, same name, same drivel, same game. Get ready for the slowest 3 minutes since we pulled out of an Afghani cream-pie, you dumplings. Feels good to dust 'em off. Now let's put it to good use. HOO-LAH-LAH

This Guy Shouldnt Get A Parade, Or A Ring!

Anybody else think this Broken Down Bruin didnt deserve a spot in the Parade? And who's that slut he brought to the party? Furthermore, this loser also doesnt deserve a ring for his lack of effort in the Final. Lifes not fair Nathan, you dont get to have your cake and eat it too. Go Fuck Yourself and get a better helmet.

Is this thing on?

Holy shit, as I live and breathe. It appears that hell has indeed come upon it's own juicy cold spell, as the dead are rising from their contemptuous graves. "Is it true?", the raucous children on the playgrounds will beg. And with a mighty splatter, the righteousness of the few will reign. It is true. The Hockey Dump has returned to the blogosphere. The traveller has come. But has this return of the dead come at a greater cost? Is this merely a rushed sequel branded with rehashed defamation? The answer is undoubtedly, absofuckinglutely. And if you don't like it, then you can quite literally and figuratively, if you may, GO FUCK YOURSELF. The dump is back. Time to pay the piper.

-Davey Williams

PS - The other turds are also back with a possibility of new contestants in the future. So, ya.