Lounge Listeners

If you were tired of smoking outside in the harsh-land known as Florida and you were an NHL'er what would you do, quit? No, quiting is for the weak and NHL'ers are a strong bunch. Don't underestimate their resolve at anything....

“half the team was standing outside having celebratory cigars and I was thinking, there has got to be a better way.”(Stan Neckar).

So Stan and Dave (Andreychuck) conceived the Mobile Cigar Lounge. (seen above) Brilliant.

“There’s nothing like it out there. The Mobile Cigar Lounge is a place where people can relax, enjoy good conversation, a great cigar and be pampered."

Is it awesome? Check. Is it going to be outlawed in every state? Check. Do I want to be a part of it? Check-ity, check.

Advice - when "pampered" and "good conversation" show up in your press release why don't you just say "good blow-job" to "those who will listen".

Dominik Hasek is a savvy business man.

AOL Sports has reported that former NHL netminder Dominik Hasek's clothing line "Dominator" is hemoraging money, and may need to downsize to stay afloat. This of course raises the two questions, "Dominik Hasek has a clothing line?", and "why does Dominik Hasek have a clothing line?". If you follow the link to his offcial website, you will find that he makes a variety of clothing for men and woman that don't mind overpaying for cheap crap. I wonder if they have anything for over-rated old men that retire way too often? Oh they do! Fantastic.

Note: I always loved how Lidstrom and Dom have been in the NHL for roughly the same amount of time and Lidstrom sounds like he was born in Thunder Bay, and Dom sounds like he was born in a blender.

D.O.A. Would probably like these.

So you may have read about this on a more popular hockey blog already, but Get High On Hockey is now offering sweet Punk Rock hockey card buttons for sale on the cheap. This surprises me for a number of reasons all which are the fact that I thought I was the only person in the world that even knew about Get High On Hockey. It's a great blog about hockey cards, and more importantly, why the shittiest ones are the sweetest.

The Daily Mats Sundin Report

The BC Transit Buzzer reports that Mats was seen with Hollywood heavyweight Wilmer Valderama at a taping of the MTV show "Yo'Mama" last night in Dayton Ohio. It is said that he was asked to appear on the show after a unit producer saw him tell a waiter that his mother was so obese that the international oil giant, Exxon, was purchasing oil from her. It is not yet clear as to whether the allegations are false or not. Nobody from the Sundin camp could be reached for comment.

Note: The pic above has nothing to do with Mats, I just thought that something about this post should be funny.

Will it blend?

Why are the pucks blue? What is this, the WHA?

A mid summers night rant Part 2

I was thinking about all of the stupid non-stories that have dominated the hockey world this summer, and I thought I would make a list of the Top 5. I figured it would obviously include the whole "Where will Sundin end up" thing, and the "Where will Burkey be next year" fiasco. But also the slightly smaller stories like "Was Finger given Kurt Sauer's money" thing or the "Will McCabe waive his no trade" storyline. Thats when it hit me. I don't know why it didn't before, but every fucking story revolves around the Toronto Maple Leafs for some reason.

I don't know why I'm surprised, because it's been this way for ever. Whether it be the complete domination of HNIC, or the top story on TSN every night, Toronto dominates the hockey talk. And for years it didn't really bother me because they were a top market that iced a competitive team. But now, they are a lonely turd, and even their fans are sick of them. So why must we still be bombarded with this inane bullshit?

This is basically just a continuation of the rant from last night, but sometimes I dream of waking up in an American city where Toronto doesn't exist. Imagine a place where Cliff Fletcher was just a confused senior citizen and not a constant target for quotes, or a TV that didn't have constant Blue Jay games, or Raptors coverage. I dream of living in Chicago where the pizza is deep. Or New York where they sell hot dogs on every corner.

Maybe I'm just hungry...

Fuck, I did it again.....anyways,....fuck Toronto.

The End

A mid summers night rant.

Remember when the NHL didn't have a boner for US television markets? Back when there was no Hockey Commissioner (thats right they made that tile up special for Gary). Remember when there were the Campbell and Wales Conferences, and the Divisions were named after dead assholes? Those were good times. That was before shitty hockey cities won Stanley Cups, and pucks started to glow. I think there needs to be a change.

I think hockey is a regional sport, just like Nascar. Nobody from the north gives a shit about cars racing in a circle (except for a small minority), and nobody from the south gives a fuck about a bunch of Canadians skating around in a circle (except for a small minority). The only difference here is that Nascar doesn't give a shit what the North thinks, and the NHL loses hours of sleep over why the South doesn't like them. "Is it the fighting? We can change that! Is it because the puck is too hard to see? We can fix that! Please tell us what to do, and we will do it!"

How about this? The NHL comes to terms with the fact that it isn't ever going to go up against Footballl or Basketball or Baseball, and just caters to their hardcore fans. It worked for Nascar, why wouldn't it work here? Fuck Sunrise, and Nashville, and give Winnipeg another chance. I know they are sorry for whatever it was they did. How about Green Bay? That town has like 3 people in it and it sells out a football stadium every week.

And while we are on the topic of basing the NHL on other successful sports models, take a page out of the NFL's marketing book. You know how everybody in America owns a football jersey? That's because they don't cost $300. They practically give them away. Actually so does every other major US sport.

Sometimes I think the NBA sent Gary over to the NHL because they were getting to close for comfort. "Gary, your mission if you accept it, is to head up to Canada, and fuck shit up".

Anyways, this post is getting way too long. Basically, fuck everything.

The end.

Design a mask that will see 4 road games next year.

The Vancouver Canucks are holding a pretty cool contest that will see a fan design the Mask that Curtis Sanford will wear next season. I guess the only problem with this contest is that Curtis isn't really going to play any significant minutes behind Luongo. Maybe they should have made it the "Design Curtis Sanford's chair", because he is going spend the entire season on his ass (or perhaps they will give him the rad job of opening the door for the defenceman, like some other teams do for their back-ups).

Anyways, check the contest details here.

Anyone want to bet that the winner is a local child that embodies all the positive aspects the Canucks Marketing team would like to project to the target demographic?

Top 10: Bad Ass Masks Edition

1. Gary Cheevers - Boston Bruins 1975


2. Doug Grant - Detroit Redwings 1971


3. Gary Simmons - Cleveland Barons 1976


4. Murray Bannerman - Chicago Blackhawks 1980


5. Curt Ridley - Vancouver Canucks 1976


6. Wayne Stephenson - Philidelphia Flyers 1978


7. Jacques Caron - St.Louis Blues 1971


8. Bernie Wolf - Washington Capitols 1978


9. Gary Bromley - Vancouver Canucks 1980


10. Gilles Gratton - New York Rangers 1976


To check out more classic masks head to Masks from the Past.

The Daily Mats Sundin Report

The Detroit News Free Press has reported that Mats was seen with City native and MTV whore, Xzibit over the weekend. The two were said to be filming a pilot for a new reality show that sees the rapper take professional hockey players and teach them how to upgrade their vehicles to look more urban. It is widely considered to be the worst idea in the world. Nobody from the Sundin camp could be reached for comment.

Fuck the Winter Classic.

First, let's admit what the Winter Classic is. It's a giant publicity stunt for the NHL. It's not a way to celebrate the roots of the game, it's a way to trick Americans into watching hockey on Bowl day. That being said, is an outdoor game the best way to win over the Neilsons?

I remember back in 1991, Gretzky and the Kings took on the Blue shirts outside at Caesers Palace in Las Vegas. It was 80 something degrees, and all the fans were in shorts, and drunk, and it was awesome. Now, tell me, almost 20 years later, imagine the crazyness the City of Vegas could roll out if that was to happen again. You could close down part of the strip and do it there. Imagine Showcasing Crosby and Stamkos during a night game under the lights? That would be sick. I was there for the NBA All-Star Weekend in 2007, and you would think that it was the World Cup the way the city bent over for that game. You want attention? Las Vegas brings it.

But that not the only way to get it, what if you had a game on the ice at Rockefeller Center in NYC? Or in Central Park? Or Listel? What about having a day where every team plays each other in a non NHL market? You think that might make the Sports Center?

Basically, the outdoor games in front of 70,000 people in the dead of winter are great, but they are preaching to the choir. If you want to expose the game, then expos the game. It doesn't take a genius.

Wayne Gretzky was a good hockey player. Ta-Da.

Apparently Gretzky was traded from the Oilers to the Kings 20 years ago this weekend, and it is the biggest news story of the decade. Or at least thats what the world of hockey blogs would have you believe. Hopefully after this passes we can get back to talking about more important things like Mats Sundin. (kills self).

If Texas is all steers and queers, Which one is Avery?

So if you like shitty Morning News Team puff interviews with hung-over hockey players, than you are going to love THIS CLIP of Sean Avery on The Dallas Fort Worth Fox Channel 4 Morning Show, brought to you but Minute Maid, Goodness you can taste.

I think Sean Avery in Texas is a smoooth idea. I give him until Christmas before he ends up calling President Bush a homo, or says he dosen't eat beef or something, and the whole state goes ape shit. If there is one thing I know about Texans, it's that they are super tolerant of cocky fashionistas from LA and New York.

The real question is, who will last longer without incident? Avery in Dallas, or Favre in New York?

Side Note: I also like how the nest story up on the Fox News grid was "The Secrets Dentists don’t want you to know about Teeth Whitening!" Fear sells news.

HockeyDump Poll: Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out edition.

The Daily Mats Sundin Report

UHF Public Cable Access Channel 178 Des Moines Reports that Mats has enlisted for immediate service in the United States Army. It is rumoured that he will be on the front lines of the Gaza Strip by weeks end, and likely will never be heard from again. Nobody from the Sundin camp cared enough to comment.

You wanted the best, you got the best...

Do you like Defunct Hockey Franchises? Well here it is anyways! The greatest Defunct Hockey Teams to every lace up a pair of skated. Part 1.


New Westminster Royals
(1912-1924 / 1945-1952 / 1953-1959 / 1967-1971 / 1988-1991)


The Royals make this list because of pure tenacity alone. They are like a beaten boxer that refuses to stay down. They have played games in the PCHA, PCHL, WHL, and theBCJHL. And did the whole thing in two classic Arenas (Denman, and Queen's Park). Will they be back? Seems like a safe bet.
Notable players: George "Babe" McAvoy



Omaha Ak-Sar-Ben Knights
(2005-2007)



This team is here for one reason. The name is amazing. The Ak-Sar-Ben Knights? Fuck yes. It's named after a local civic group that may or may not solve crimes. They were only around for 2 seasons, but they dazzled the great state of Nebraska, and moved the party to the Quad Cities as the Mallards the next year.
Notable players: Dustin Boyd



Atlantic City Boardwalk Bullies
(2001-2005)



The Bullies came from Birmingham,Alabama and left to Stockton, California all within 4 Pa years. The ECHL team played in the historic Boardwalk Hall, to a total of 43 people. They also won the Kelly God Damn Cup...ssoooo,...who's laughing now? Huh, Columbus Inferno?
Notable Players: Paul Harvey



Greenville Grrrowl
(1998-2006)



Yes. That is correct. The Greenville franchise decided to name their hockey team the Grrrowl. Yes. That is correct. There are 3 R's. Yikes. The Grrrowl also managed to capture the ECHL's Kelly Cup.
Notable Players: Nick Vitucci



Seattle Metropolitans
(1915-1924)



The Seattle Metros were a team thatwas known for one thing. They were the first American based team to win the Stanley Cup. They defeated the Montreal Canadians 3 games to 1, outscoring them 19-3. Nothing like taking some French Canadians to the cleaners to make a city swell with pride.
Notable Players: Bobby Rowe

Brendan Morrow hates Sean Avery

...and so does Marty Turco....and most humans.

I'm not sure why everybody hates Sean, but I assume it has something to do with the fact that he verbally assaults, the Player's Union, French people, black people, people with cancer, Canadians, or has an NHL rule named after him.

Or maybe it's because he spends his time whoring it up with Hollywood skanks, and running around town in short shorts.

Either way, he is the greatest thing that ever happened to hockey bloggers.

Praise be to Avery.


Note: If you actually care about what Brendan has to say about his new teammate, check it here.

Death by boredom.

Wow. There really is nothing going on in the world of hockey. Have you browsed any of the other blogs out there today? They are actually blogging about other peoples blogs (like I am doing right now). Bettman should make it a rule that at least one NHL teams has to make a trade, sign a player, or fire a coach everyday. It's just good business. Look at Paris Hilton, that cunt is in the news daily, and all she has to do is flash one of her tiny titties. Why won't gary flash one of his tiny titties? This could be a loooong August...

The following is a list of NHL Players that died at a young age. (Expansion era up).

Luc Bourdon - Vancouver Canucks- Age 21 - Death by Motorcycle.

Sergei Zholtok - Minnesota Wild - Age 31 - Death by Heart Failure

Dan Snyder - Atlanta Thrashers - Age 25 - Death by Heatley

Roman Lyashenko - New York Rangers - Age 24 - Death by Suicide

Alexei Yegorov - San Jose Sharks - Age 27 - Death by Drug Overdose

Dmitri Tertyshny - Philadelphia Flyers - Age 22 - Death by Boat propeller

Chiasson, SteveSteve Chiasson - Detroit Redwings - Age 32 - Death by Car Accident

Stephane Morin - Vancouver Canucks - Age 29 - Death by Heart Attack

Yanick Dupre - Philadelphia Flyers - Age 24 - Death by Leukemia

Jeff Batters - St.Louis Blues - Age 25 - Death by Car Accident

Mike Colman - San Jose Sharks - Age 25 - Death by Car Accident

John Kordic - Toronto Maple Leafs - Age 27 - Death by Drug Overdose

Roger Hägglund - Quebec Nordics - Age 30 - Death by Car Accident

Pelle Lindbergh - Philadelphia Flyers - Age 26 - Death by Driving Drunk

Don Ashby - Colorado Rockies - Age 26 - Death by Car Accident

Scott Garland - Toronto Maple Leafs - Age 27 - Death by Car Accident

Bob Gassoff - St. Louis Blues - Age 24 - Death by Motocycle

Wayne Maki - Vancouver Canucks - Age 29 - Death by Brain Cancer

Tim Horton - Toronto Maple Leafs - Age 44 - Death by Car Accident

Michel Briere - Pittsburg Penguins - Age 21 - Death by Coma

Terry Sawchuk - Detroit Red Wings - Age 40 - Death by Fist Fight

Bill Masterton - Minnesota North Stars - Age 29 - Death by Hockey


Side Note: Did you know that Paris Hilton was on her High School Hockey Team?!?!? Check it...HERE.

The Daily Mats Sundin Report

100.3FM KCCN Radio in Honolulu, has reported that Mats will undergo a spiritual journey that will take him on a solo hike to the top of Manua Loa, the largest Volcano in Hawaii. The journey will begin at the stroke of dawn, and end (if successful), with a self sacrifice, as he is to jump into the firey pit. Good luck Mats. Nobody from the Sundin camp copuld be reached for comment.

Tlusty has a penis (and he would like you to look at it).

I know this story is kinda old now, but I didn't have a blog then, and I wanted to refresh the memories of those who may have forgotten (or wanted to).

Click here for the Penis. (I never thought I would be typing that in a hockey blog).

I wonder if the NHL now has to have an orientation with all the rookies to remind them that taking pictures of themselves with their tongues in other guys mouths, or cell pics of the old hog are frowned upon. It make you think how many of our childhood heroes were doing shit like this before the internet showed up. Was Randy Cunneyworth a sex fiend? Was Haken Loob just a nickname?

Also, in a semi-related note, There is an artist by the name of Kurt Kauper that paints his boyhood hockey heroes in the nude. Check 'em out here. There is a whole gallery. I like the Derek Sanderson the best.