The slowest Three Minutes in Hockey: Slow Start To The Blogging Season Edition

Okay folks, time to let 'er rip.

Johnny Mitchell is a gem? Who the FUCK is Johnny Mitchell? Are Burke and Wilson paying for this shit? All the money that's tied up in that back end and he's touting some guy named Johnny Mitchell? It's not like they can just stick Jeff Finger in the minors and make his salary disappear.

Jason Blake should play center. This is getting good. So all the pure centers they have on this squad and it's time to take an old winger and turn him into a center to dish to Kessel? Yeah, fucking Jason Blake is the next fucking Marc Savard. Maybe I should be looking to dish Kessel in my keeper, since the Leafs brass probably use these talks as their blueprint for success.

"Do you have a picture of a young boy?" WHAT?!?!?!

Ok, so he is showing us a pic of a dead kid from the pig's poo flu. Sad, I guess, or maybe it is sadder that Don stumbled over getting H1N1 out of his mouth when that's the only thing I've seen on the TV and the front of the paper for the last month.


What's Don's solution to H1N1 you ask? Vaccines maybe? Nope: "Have your own bottle, no more high fives". Brilliant

PUT UP THE TROOPERS I FEEL LIKE CRYING!!

JESUS CHRIST!!!!



Editor's note: Apologies for the lack of posts, but, really, I'm not the only motherfucker that contributes to this disease. I will also be shutting down my internet for a while, so don't expect much from my bitch ass. I am looking at Williams and Towers to step the fuck up. Either that or this turns into an excuse to go over to my buddy's place and get drunk and post. Only time will tell.

That's for the kids.

Announced attendance 6,899.

That means there was probably only around 4 Grand there at best. Holy shit, this is going to get far worse before it gets better. I can't fucking wait.

Can they possibly break the magic 1000 mark? God I hope so.

GO! COYOTES! GO!

Scott Hartnell bites Kris Letang

I have no proof, but that's what the announcers are speculating right now. Man I hope Fartsmell went Tyson on that shit!!!

Zdeno Chara is a frustrating mess.

I haven't been less inspired to post my hockey thoughts in a long time. I'm not sure if it's because the hockey world just got repetitive, or if it's just the basic fact that I am a manic depressive that is reaching the beautiful end. I'm sure I could muster up the shazz to post some rant on the Toronto medias complete love affair with anything Burke, or maybe a scathing post regaling the wonder the is "Battle of the Blades". But it just seems easier to roll over and post this amazing picture of Zdeno and his man body. I don't even need to write anything for this. I am your prototypical blogger. Lazy as shit. Someone give me an award.

PS - I think I might be gay. That would be amazing.

The Slowest Three Minutes In Hockey: 30th Anniversary Edition

Hey there young bucks!!

So it's the 30th anniversary! Of the Dump? Hell no, this shithole hasn't been around that long, we would've been writing from our cribs! But, my favorite target, Dunn-didely-dunn-dunce Cherry has been spitting drivel over electromagnetic waves for exactly that, 30 seasons!

I would just like to take a moment to honour Dunce. He has not only managed to stay on the air for that long, spitting hogwash and horseshit to whoever will listen, but he has also managed to turn himself into a national celebrity, whom many Canadians would probably vote into office.

O Canada....


So not a ton to report tonight. Dunce seems pretty proud that he called the kettle black. The "kettle" being Brian Burke and "black" being a hot-headed-Irishman-who- values-goons-over-skill. Bravo! I hope he had a potato pancake in celebration.

I might!

It feels good to be back.

Sidenote: When I came back to the dump the other day, I got some weird messages from my browser. If anyone else experiences the same problems and still has the nuts to come in here, please let Williams know so we can try to figure out what it's all about.

Nevermind the Off-Season, Here's HockeyDump.

I got nothing to say right now, but damn, this should be played before every hockey game every played.