Who is this Mats Sundin you speak of?

The Top 10 Things I would like to hear at the rumored Mats Sundin Toronto Press Conference.

10. I am here to announce my immediate retirement from hockey.

9. I have signed a contract with the Florida Panthers.

8. I have a cure for cancer.

7. I'm gay.

6. ...and Toronto can kiss my ass.

5. I'm looking for a long term deal.

4. It burns when I pee.

3. I decided 4 months ago. What, J.P. didn't give you the message?

2. Eklund was right.

1. I'm sorry.

Hockey Night in Minnesota

This is a band from St.Paul that goes by the name of "Hockey Night", and that is about as close as this post gets to having anything to do with the game.



Check them out here.

Game Face: Who is the ugliest hockey player of all time?

So it's time we all put away our differences and banded together as one, to single out the NHL Player who is the UGLIEST HOCKEY PLAYER OF ALL-TIME. I have thrown out a few names for you just get the ball rolling, but we need your help. Whether it's just a nasty haircut, or he had his face punched one too many times, we need your submissions in the comments so we can get this going.

Rod Brind'Amour


Roberto Luongo


Mike Ricci


Maurice Richard


Kelly Buchberger


Jaromir Jagr


Gino Odjick


Garth Butcher


Eddie Shack


Doanld Brashear


Darren McCarty


Brent Sopel

Rusu for Gerber??

I'm sure by now you've all heard of the heart-warming-est story of the off-season. An Ottawa goaltender, Christian Rusu, who plays Bantam House-League got the hockey experience of a lifetime when he unexpectedly took place in a Senators practice.

"I was undressing and a guy just came running in and said, 'We need a goalie," Rusu said as he removed his goalie mask, revealing his braces and the beginnings of a moustache.

"...... one of the expected goaltenders failed to show on Monday so the call went out for an immediate replacement. Enter Christian."

I love this story. It tickles the cockles of the heart (you'd use that phrase if you could too). A kid gets to play with his heroes.....but it begs the question, why do Senator goaltenders have such a hard time showing up for practice? Ray Emery and the missing goalie from this story, I'm looking at you, you bastards.

MIke Sillinger most likely played hockey with you.

The Two-Line Pass has one of the best "Off-Season" stories out there right now. I am kind of jealous that I wasted my time with th mascot post, when I could have been wasting my time with this one instead. They have compiled a list of every player that NHL journeyman Mike Sillinger has ever played with over his NHl career. The magic number? 561.

I guess it's not that shocking when you think about how many teams he has played for. Mike has worn the jersey for Detroit, Anaheim, Vancouver, Phily, Tamps, Florida, Ottawa, Columbus, St.Louis, Phoenix, Nashville and Long Island. That's 12 teams since 90/91. In fact, there is not a single team in the NHL that doesn't have a guy on it's roster that hasn't played with Mike at some time or another.

So this now begs the question, who is/was the ultimate hockey Journeyman? Here are a few candidates...

Mike Sillinger
WHL - Reg/Adr
NHL - Det/Van/Phi/TB/Fla/Ott/Clb/Stl/Phx/Nas/NYI

Michael Petit
QMJHL - Shb
NHL - Van/NYR/Que/Tor/Cal/LA/TB/Edm/Phi/Phx
IHL - Det/LV/Chi
DEL - Frk
ITA - Blz

J.J.Daigneault
QMJHL - Lvl/log
NHL - Van/Phi/Mtl/Stl/Pit/Ana/NYI/Nsh/Phx/Min
AHL - Her/Shr/Wrc

Jim Dowd
NCAA - LSSU
NHL - NJ/Van/Cgy/NYI/Edm/Min/Mtl/Chi/Col/NJ/Phi
AHL - Utc/Alb/Stj/Ham
IHL - Uth

And it of course some honourable mentions with 9 NHL teams a piece go to...

Brent Ashton
Paul Coffey
Bryan Marchment
Randy Robitaille
Bobby Dollas
Kevin Miller
Tony Hrkac
Jim Cummins
Sean Burke
Reid Simpson
Grant Ledyard
Jim McKenzie

You can check out The Two-Line Pass' original post here.

It's not you, it's me.

The Montreal Canadiens announced today that they are planning on raising Patrick Roy's #33 jersey to the rafters this season as part of the 100 Years of Habs celebrations. This is a great idea. Because nothing says let's celebrate by honouring someone that famously wants nothing to do with your organization. This is the hockey world equivalant of drunk dialing your ex-girlfriend, alone, on your birthday.

NHL Mascot Power Rankings

It's time. It's time to answer the age old question, "what NHL team has the best mascot". The Mascots will be ranked on 3 catagories. 1) Originality: Is the character just your logo or team name? 2) Name: Is the name a stupid pun? and 3) Punchability: How much do I want to punch it? Each of the 3 will be given a score out of 10. And just in case you were wondering, yes, it is still the off-season.


1.Harvey (Calgary Flames)

Originality: 8/10
Name: 10/10
Punchabilty: 7/10
Total Score: 25/30

A perverted dog named Harvey. Perfect.


2.Al (Detroit Redwings)

Originality: 6/10
Name: 10/10
Punchabilty: 8/10
Total Score: 24/30

A mascot that has no human in it? I like it. A mascot named Al? Even better.


3.Youppi (Montreal Canadiens)

Originality: 9/10
Name: 10/10
Punchabilty: 2/10
Total Score: 21/30

Youppi was originally the Montreal Expos mascot, but when they moved to Washington, he was out of the job. It turns out that the rest of the world tends to frown upon french people's bullshit. But luckily, the Habs had an opening, and the rest is history. Very boring history.


4.Carlton Bear (Toronto Maple Leafs)

Originality: 8/10
Name: 9/10
Punchabilty: 1/10
Total Score: 18/30

A polar bear named Carlton? I'm in. Take off that Leafs jersey, and put him in a sweater vest, and you got something really special.


5.Sparky (New York Islanders)

Originality: 8/10
Name: 5/10
Punchabilty: 3/10
Total Score: 16/30

A dragon huh? I think the better mascot would just be Charles Wang walking around apologizing to people for destroying any future the Islanders may have had. Also, the pic below is that of Nyisles, the sea fearing mascot that sparky replaced. I can tell you this much, that thing would have won this little competition in a landslide.




6.Bailey (Los Angeles Kings)

Originality: 5/10
Name: 9/10
Punchabilty: 2/10
Total Score: 16/30

I dig the name Baily. When you see a photo like this, and the whole King/Lion thing, you would expect the name to be something lame like "Pride" or "Aurthur" or something. Bailey is just your average middle class working stiff, who drives you to the airport and picks up your mail while your away.


7.Stormy (Carolina Hurricanes)

Originality: 8/10
Name: 2/10
Punchabilty: 3/10
Total Score: 13/30

This pig costume appears to have been through the ringer a few times. Would it kill someone down there to pony up a few bucks for some Febreze? That thing looks like it was worn while fighting a fire. Actually, I would like to see a pig fight a fire. You listening Disney???


8.Blades (Boston Bruins)

Originality: 1/10
Name: 5/10
Punchabilty: 7/10
Total Score: 13/30

Blades is wicked retarded. He wouldn't have lasted 2 minutes in the old Boston Gardens.


9.Louie (St.Louis Blues)

Originality: 3/10
Name: 1/10
Punchabilty: 7/10
Total Score: 11/30

I can't quite put my finger on it, but there is something very racist about this mascot.


10.Tommy Hawk (Chicago Blackhawks)

Originality: 2/10
Name: 2/10
Punchabilty: 6/10
Total Score: 10/30

Did you know that when you google "TommyHawk" the first thing that pops up is a website for gay erotic literature? You would think that someone from marketing or PR would have double checked that kind of thing before naming the mascot. Oh well, it's not like it's are targeting young children right? Hello? Oh.


11.Sabretooth (Buffalo Sabres)

Originality: 6/10
Name: 3/10
Punchabilty: 1/10
Total Score: 10/30

First, I would have had the mascot be a giant sword that stabs people in the face, and second, the whole concept of mascots signing autographs is fucked on about 12,000 different levels.


12.Spartacat (Ottawa Senators)

Originality: 5/10
Name: 3/10
Punchabilty: 1/10
Total Score: 9/30

That cat looks like a homeless person. Dude, I'm not going to give any money because you are just going spend it on drugs.


13.SJ Sharkie (San Jose Sharks)

Originality: 1/10
Name: 1/10
Punchabilty: 6/10
Total Score: 8/30

A shark named SJ Sharkie. Fuck.


14.NJ Devil (New Jersey Devils)

Originality: 1/10
Name: 1/10
Punchabilty: 6/10
Total Score: 8/30

I know this guy has the least original name in profesional mascot history (well, tied with his friend SJ Sharkie), but I dig his vibe. It's kind of like hanging out with Vincent Price.

15.Gnash (Nashville Predators)

Originality: 1/10
Name: 3/10
Punchabilty: 4/10
Total Score: 8/30

If I was a professional athlete, and a mascot started fucking with me during the game. I wouldn't be one of those guys that loses it and starts attacking it, but I would secretly get it fired the next day. Then I would sleep on a giant pile of money.


16.Thrash (Atlanta Thrashers)

Originality: 1/10
Name: 1/10
Punchabilty: 5/10
Total Score: 7/30

Why does that bird have to get all up in my grill like that? He's all like "Your in my town now, son! Hotlanta, what?!?!" I kind of hope someone googles "Hotlanta" and this post shows up. I mean, who posts about mascots anyways?


17.Thunderbug (Tampa Bay Lightning)

Originality: 3/10
Name: 2/10
Punchabilty: 2/10
Total Score: 7/30

Why? Why would want your mascot to actually look fat and retarded? And I don't mean retarded like "that is retarded", I mean retarded like this thing needs a cork on it's fork.


18.Iceburgh (Pittsburgh Penguins)

Originality: 1/10
Name: 3/10
Punchabilty: 2/10
Total Score: 6/30

You know how there are some mascots that are former gymnasts, and they jump through fire, and swing on ropes from the roof, and then there's the mascots that just hug kids and hand out balloons? I willing to bet this thing is the later. I picture a sweaty Italian man that smells like smoke and needs to borrow a few bucks 'til payday, under there.



19.Fin (Vancouver Canucks)

Originality: 1/10
Name: 2/10
Punchabilty: 2/10
Total Score: 5/30

A whale named fin. Why not a bear named arm? Also, how old is Pamela Anderson now? She looks like a burn victim.


20.Wild Wing (Anahiem Ducks)

Originality: 1/10
Name: 1/10
Punchabilty: 3/10
Total Score: 5/30

What the fuck is that thing touching the Stanley Cup for? Why not just let it take it home while your at it? I wonder where Wild Wing lives?...I picture a small bachelor apartment with a Mexican man named Tito.


21.Stanley C. Panther (Florida Panthers)

Originality: 1/10
Name: 1/10
Punchabilty: 2/10
Total Score: 4/30

Stanley C. Panther, huh?...really? Why do I get the overwhelming sense that the owners wife headed up this masterpiece? I would have lowered the fabric on his eyes a bit so he looked intoxicated. I like the idea of drunk animals posing for pictures with children.


22.Stinger (Columbus Blue Jackets)

Originality: 1/10
Name: 1/10
Punchabilty: 2/10
Total Score: 4/30

Is it just me, or does this thing kind of look like a chinese man? Is that racist? Am I in trouble? Also, get that guy some pants.


23.Howler (Phoenix Coyotes)

Originality: 1/10
Name: 0/10
Punchabilty: 3/10
Total Score: 4/30

First off, the name Howler was already the name of a mascot (it was a big foot thing in Colorado), and second off the name is stupid. If you ask me, the dogs name is clearly Dennis. He should also be wearing a suit instead of that jersey. There is something really comforting about a Coyote in a suit, like you could trust it with your kids.


Note: Colorado, Dallas, Edmonton, Minnesota, New York & Phily are all smart enough not have a mascot.

"It's Stamkos Time", or maybe "Watch out for Steven". Either headline works just fine.

So, Steven Stamkos signed a nice little contract the other day to be the spokesperson for the luxury Swiss Watch company, Tissot. I'm assuming the gig involves him wearing the watch, and collecting large cheques. Not bad work if you can get it. Stamkos must have a pretty good agent if he is getting endorsement deals before he has ever even played a game. Maybe Malkin should give him a call since his agent has only managed to get him a non speaking role in this epic piece of advertising history.

You can also check out Entertainment Tonight Canada's spin on this story Here. What the hell happened to Rick the Temp? He looks like a burnt toddler, and sounds like he had some sort of reverse stroke. Seriously, why is he talking like that?

Dustin Brown has a penis, (and he wants you to look at it).

There is no easy way to put this. If you click the link below, you will see a video of Derek Armstrong being interviewed for Kings TV back in 2003. Also, Dustin Brown's penis.

Ya, it appears that Dustin Brown decided to towel off after a hard loss in front of a live news crew. I'm no hockey scientist here, but if you walk into a room, and there are a bunch of people in suits, with cameras and microphones, maybe you should at least face the wall before you air out the old hog. What is he, one of those 90 year old men at the pool? Someone needs to take him aside and let him know that if he keeps this shit up, he is going to have to shower in his swim trunks, just like Jiri Tlusty has to in Toronto. Maybe next time he should just sponge bath himself right there at his locker, or just fuck it and start doing squat thrusts. Also, nice on the KINGS TV Crew for decided to release the footage anyways. Smoooth.

So if you just can't resist, and have to see it for yourself, here you go. Click Here.

Out of Africa: Top 10 NHLers born in Africa.

The Chicago Blackhawks announced today that they have signed their 3rd Rounder form the '07 draft, Akim Aliu. Why is this news? It isn't. But ya know whats kinda neat about it? Akim was born in Okene, Nigeria. This of course is a great opportunity to post the Top 10 List of NHL Players Born in Africa. Ready? Let's go.

10. Akim Aliu (Nigeria) - Blackhawks


9. Rumun Ndur (Nigeria)- Sabers, Rangers, Thrashers


8.Chris Nielsen (Tanzania) - Columbus


7. Olaf Kolzig (South Africa) - Capitals, Lightning



So I guess 6 through 1 will have to wait a few years, since only 4 NHLers in all of history were born in Africa, and I think only 6 have been there. Maybe it's time for a little exposure for our foreign friends. How about instead of playing those pre-season games in Germany and Switzerland, the send the Rangers, Lightning and Sens to Botswana and Togo? Maybe after that kind of exposure we can add a few more names to the list by 2028? Now thats what I call global marketing.

You can also check out the South African Ice Hockey Association website here.

All work and no play makes Patrick a dull boy

This is the 1994-95 Pinnacle Sylvain Turgeon hockey card. What is so special about that you ask? Well, you see that dopey looking kid above the the rainbow, in the Sabers Jersey, on his Dad's lap? That's the NHL Rookie of the Year, Patrick Kane.

This is either just a happy cool coincidence, or the precursor to an epic blood bath like in the Shinning, where at the end of the movie the camera slowly pans into that old photograph to reveal that Jack Nicholson was there the whole time. And just to add to the madness, Kane is staring at Dale Hawerchuk, another Calder winner. If I was Doug Bodger, I would get the hell out of there, shits about to get firestarty.

Also, I have to give props to Sean Leahy's Going Five Hole, as when I tried to find a picture of this card, the google search led me to his blog, where he had done this same basic post like a month ago. Why am I always the last to know everything around here?