Looks like the Canucks have given Mr. Luongo the "C" this year and a good choice it is, except the league won't "officially" let him wear it. Why? Short answer: The NHL is run by a bunch of robots that resemble a waking-coma patient.
Hockeytard and myself have argued over this before and I think in a drunken stupor we came to this conclusion: why in hell can't a goalie be a captain? Let the goalie argue with refs over shitty calls at center-ice. Let the goalie take ceremonial face-offs (are we afraid the Queen will be confused next time she drops a puck at GM Place?). Wouldn't you love to see Brodeur and Luongo chewing up Don Koharski's ear at the red-line? I would.
Since the NHL won't let him wear a "C" on his sweater (instead they make the team give out 3 "A"'s to skaters) I think Luongo should just get a new helmet painted with "CAPTAIN" right on the forehead. Just a thought.
NOTE: In his first practice as "captain" Luongo suffered a minor groin injury......shit, does that make Sanford the second in command? Yikes.
Former Carolina Hurricane star Jeff O'Neill has signed on with ABC Family Network to star in a new Sitcom titled "Hockey Dad". He will team up with TV vet and hockey fan, Peri Gilpin who will play his ex-wife and new boss.
"It's a honour to be working with Jeff on this project. I was a big Whalers when
I lived back east, and I still bleed the Hartford green" -Gilpin
The show revolves around the head coach (O'Neill) of the minor league San Diego Cranes, and his two teenage daughters. The series is set to air Saturday nights starting this January.
NOTE: Actually, there is no TV show. I just couldn't write another Petr Nedvedesque blog post on how some washed up semi-hockey star has been cut from his try-out team half way through training camp. I figured it was better to write that than "Alcoholic bum too fat to skate?".
Remember Zdeno Ciger? I do. I remeber him not for his on ice play, but because his name kind of sounded like "Cigar". At least I'm being honest.
Anyways, the reason I bring him up is because it turns out he was a complete pussy. You see, it seems that his former coach in his Tampa days, a one Mr. John Tortorella, gave him panic attacks. Yes. Panic Attacks. Amazing.
I'm not going to into it mainly because the story just trails off into how it affected Zdeno's current coaching career, and that is about as interesting as the possibilty of Calgary Adding a new third jersey next season, which has been getting WAY too much play in the last couple of days.
So ya, read more at Lightning Strikes here. (But I admittedly got turned onto the story at Puck Daddy here.
If you are Atlanta, why would you deal for a good player? You see, in my mind, adding Matty Schneider makes the Trashers better. So whats the problem? Well, he doesn't make them that much better. He isn't going to turn the arguably worst team in the NHL into a playoff contender, but it could turn a Tavares pick into a Toni Rajala pick. And that is the same difference between picking Sidney Crosby and Jack Skille. How about this for an idea Atlanta. Just sit back, relax, let Kovalchuk dazzle your fan for 5 months, then ride the draft wave into 2010. Also, if you don't do this, Toronto will, and we can't afford to let those guys have anything. Why? Fuck you, that's why.
Also, why is a player that is supposedly that good on his 8th team? Whats up with that?
Where were you? Where were you the day Glen Sather cut Petr Nedved from the NYR training camp roster? It will go down with the '88 Summit Series, and the Gretzky Trade as one of those moments that defines a hockey fan. The emotions are running deep. How can the Czechoslovakian icon be unceremoniously removed from the league after such a glorious 7 day stint in the NHL? A week that saw him come in 15th in pre-season scoring. A week that saw him battle kids that had a lock on the roster spots for the Rangers. Yes Sir, this is will be the shockwave that was felt throughout the hockey world, and you can say "I was there". Your grandchildren will thank you.
Also, Nedved is a turd that has no business wearing skates.
You what blog is good? Orland Kurenblog. You know why? Because they are a blog that focuses on a single team, but you don't have to be a fan of that team to like the blog. Very few local blogs have managed this, and I just thought I would point that out.
Speaking of the Kurtenblog, they have a great list of the different kind of guys you will find in your Beer League dressing room. Check it below...
I was the guy that couldn't make it through the game without getting injured. I think it had something to do with the fact I never stretched, or maybe it was because I would be eating a hamburger while tying up my skates. Either way, I averaged about 3 minutes a game. Good Times.
Some teams wait until the playoffs to unveil this option. Others go with it right from the opening faceoff.
Either way, without a ringer, your team is done. The challenge for managers is convincing a good player to suit up for a bad side. This can be accomplished a number of ways, including promises of goal-scoring glory and awe-inspired teammates. Most effective, however, is free hockey. It's simple math, really. Everyone else pays an extra $50 and everyone else gets a shot at the Division-7 title.
The Young Guy
At first glance, he can easily be mistaken for a ringer, since the young guy still wears the shorts and socks of his junior or college team. But it's time for the next phase of life now, and that means an office job. The young guy stays in shape for the first half of the year. Sadly, an increasingly sedentary existence catches up by Christmas. Ten to 20 pounds later, he's just another player, huffing and puffing with the rest. Welcome aboard, kid.
The Old Guy
Forget the 50-and-over league; that's not for him, even though his gloves reach up to his armpits and he still uses a wood stick. To be fair, the old guy can be an effective player, especially if he's a wily old guy -- a hook here and a chop there, because that's how they did it when professional athletes were real men. "Eddie Shore -- now there was a hockey player! Lost an ear against the Maroons. Sewed it back on himself. Never missed a shift."
The Tardy Goalie
Hey, thanks for showing up. Only five minutes gone in the first. Not like you play a crucial position or anything. Take your time.
Required only for cheap laughs. On the one hand, you have to admire the beginner. It takes a lot of courage to take up hockey in adulthood. On the other, learn to take a pass, man. It's right on your stick. How does that knock you over? And now you're offside.
The Complete Psycho
Also good for a few giggles . . . from afar. The complete psycho is capable of anything: running the goalie, challenging an entire bench, a tomahawk chop -- all in the repertoire. Do not feed the complete psycho. He doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt.
The Naked Guy
Bane of the dressing room. Most players have the courtesy to stretch their hamstrings while sporting, at the very least, a bit of underwear. Not the naked guy. He'll carry on full conversations, too, and you'll maintain eye contact like your life depended on it.
The Guy with the New Girlfriend
A good way to lower everyone else's fees is to load up on a few of these. The guy with the new girlfriend will show up to five games, tops, so it's not like you'll lose ice time by putting him on the roster. That said, beware that the guy with the new girlfriend might very well turn into the guy with the wife, at which point he'll never miss another game.
The drunk shows up drunk, has a few more and plays drunk, spending most of the time in the penalty box for shooting his mouth off or breaking his stick on someone’s shins. At the end of the game, polishes off another dozen, single-handedly buying the team new jerseys AND socks for next year.
Gonchar has a dislocated shoulder.
Whitney is has foot troubles.
Johnson is a turd.
Zubov busted his hip.
& Lidstrom is bathing in his own blood.
So ya, basically I hope you didn't plan to draft any D-Men.
But on the bright side, it looks like Claude Lemieux is on his way back! (kills self).
DC's Newest Post-Punk Band is here (video below).
Vox - Alex Ovechkin
Lead Guitar - Jose Theodore
Rhythm Guitar - Nick Backstrom
Bass - Brooks Laich
Drums - Mike Green
Band Manager - Chris Clark
Security - Matt Bradley & Donal Brashear
Is it just me or does Alexander Ovechkin not get better everyday? You don't wouldn't ever see Todd Bertuzzi doing this shit. Long live the new NHL.
David Shoalts at the Globe and Mail has gained some insight into Bryan McCabe's departure from the Leafs this off-season. McCabe's comments aren't exactly Herculian:
“There were a lot of contributing factors,” McCabe said, adding this will be his first tropical winter. “Hopefully, that will let the body recover more, so I can prolong my career a little bit. And the wife's not going to complain about having to shovel the walk every day.”I don't know what his ultimate goal is but this doesn't exactly scream Stanley Cup. Guess that's why even the lowly Leafs were willing to let a top-scoring D-man be a southern-snowbird.
NOTE: I think his wife would trade anything, including snow-shoveling, for not having to cut-and-dye those shitty play-off mohawks (even if she suggested it). Also, replace the above mentioned "shovel the walk" with "board up the windows due to hurricane Blank" and T.O. might seem a bit warmer.
Burke touched on a few hot topics, one being the eminent Schnieder trade. Apparently he has had 5 or 6 offers since he cleared waivers, but didn't like any of them. Ummm,...if you were willing to give him away for nothing, and then somebody says they will give you something, why would you not take it? Unless the teams are trying to drop some salary on the Ducks as well, that just don't add up none. He said he isn't moved in the next day or so, he will bring him back to camp, and wait for some other team to get an injury, and do a trade then. It seems lie a lot of work and distraction to me. He also had time to give a few other blasts regarding the salary cap era Vs the Pre Salary Cap era, and punching Canadians in the head.
If I was Brian, I would just bite it and move him where ever, and bring in Teemu before this becomes the another Niedermayer thing. I would also be an angry Irishman with a 100 pound head.
Listen to the whole interview here care of Kukla's Korner.
From the writers of a Murphy Brown episode in 1988, and the Director of The Santa Clause 3 (not joking), comes the wonderful new hockey themed film, "The Tooth Fairy".
IMDB Says, " A bad deed on the part of a tough minor-league hockey player (Johnson) results in an unusual sentence: He must serve one week as a real-life tooth fairy."Wow, seriously? Who came up with this gem, the makers of Mannequin? Who green lit this thing, a 6 year old? What do we have to do to get a good hockey film made (that isn't a bio-pic)? Between this bad boy, and the Love Guru, I expect to see a movie called Hockey Dog by the end of the decade. (It stars Cuba Gooding Jr by the way).
Side Note: The Tooth Fairy also stars Julie Andrews, and pro skater Ryan Sheckler....huh?
I was just going through the playing rosters for the Rangers/Sens game on NHL.com, and it has Markus Naslund down as a captain. Now, he wasn't playing, but still interesting. It shows Drury and Naslund as Captains, and Roszival, Betts, and Redden as Assistants. Maybe the C is going to be shared there this season?
This seems like an Amazingly wonderful idea considering Markus couldn't handle the pressure of wearing the "C" in Vancouver, so slapping one on his jersey in New York is about as bright as dumping some Vogue intern in the middle Texas.....oh, wait.
Side note: I don't know how much you should trust NHL.com for your hockey info anyways, because they also have John Tortorella down as coaching the game in Pittsburgh tonight. Seriously, who runs that website, a rat on a wheel?
It's been a long and hard fall for JFJ.
One day you are the Vice President and General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs, and the next you are a scout for the San Jose Sharks. Yikes.
And what exactly do the Sharks hope John is going to bring to the table? The same amazing instincts that told him to deal Tukka Rask for Andrew Raycroft? Or maybe they need to tap some of the super brain that felt renting Brian Leetch was worth Jarko Immonen & 1st round pick. No, no, I know it's because the Sharks want a guy that has the guts to hand out no-trade clauses like they were going out of style. Yup, thats gotta be it.
PS - Hey Doug, if that's the kind of guy your into, I'm sure Brian will let you have Cliff in about 10 months.
Can you skate?
Can you use a shovel?
Are you a slut?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you too can be a National Hockey League Ice Girl! Imagine wearing spandex leggings and a low-cut top in front of 18,000 drunk idiots, all while doing manual labor! And that's not all, you also get minimum wage! What a wonderful society we live in! Sign up today!
In all seriousness though, I would ruin some of these chicks. Except the one standing behind number 105 at the top there. Someone needs to tell that dumpy bitch to go home.
So it's that time of year where all the hockey blogs start making their forecasts of the upcoming year, and we are no different. except, we aren't picking the exact same players.
Hart - Roberto Luongo
Vezina - Roberto Luongo
Norris - Sergei Zubov
Calder - Jakub Voracek
Rocket - Dany Heatley
Jennings - Who cares.
Jack Adams - Andy Murray
Presidents - San Jose Sharks
The Cup - Coming Soon
Below you will find a YouTube clip of every horn in every arena in the NHL. It starts out great, but by the end you want to kill your family. I highly recommend it.
Note 1: Fyi, the best horn goes to the Washington Airhorn/Siren combo. The worst goes to the weak french horn in Morry-al.
Note 2: The "Me so horny / Foghorn Leghorn" combo is a little much don't you think?
So it appears that Curtis and the boys in marketing have finally decided on a winner in the Design Sanford's Mask compitition yesterday, and wouldn't you know it, the picked the most boring and generic one they could. Hold my hat, because my head is about to explode with shock.
This is the one they picked...
It looks like it was plucked from the imagination of the most average man on earth. They should have gone after that one that was done by the kid. I can't find a picture of it, but it had the vancouver at the top in flames, a lumberjack giving a brown bear head, and an eagle holding a penis. It was amazing. If you want to view this master peice for yourself, click this link, and skip four spots in. Now tell me that isn't better than the bowl of shit above.
Today he put Mathieu Schneider on waivers. Huh? A top offensive D-man can't even get traded for a low draft pick? My theory is this: When Burke didn't like the "low-ball" offers he simply decided to screw over some teams by putting him on the waiver wire.
AND, this is the second time in less than a year that he's done this. Remember how the Coyotes got their hands on Bryzgalov last year? It was from the Ducks, off of waivers.
Note to Mr. Burke: eat your ego for breakfast, 'cause when you have 2 top players under contract and you get nothing for them people may start to ask questions (and the answers could be painful if they're located up your ass).
PS - I really hope he's kept a diary on these moves like he did a couple of years ago. I like Burke as a show-boatin' media whore but his GM'ing is a little suspect - right, Mr. Lowe?
So about a month ago, you may remember a post about how the Get High On Hockey blog was now offering some sweet punk rock hockey pins for sale to the general public. Well, now it has it's own blog dedicated to just that. It's called Get High On Hockey: Pins!, and the new selection is amazing. I think the Gary 'Suitcase' Smith, and Corrado Micalef pins may change the way I decorate my lapel in the very near future, not to mention the very handsome Pat Quinn. Amazing.
Wayne Gretzky made a speech to the Economic Club of Canada this past week, and TSN has a good article on it. In it Wayne covers a variety of topics, and you can read the whole thing here. Or you can just get the gist of it by reading my coles notes on the subject below. Ah, the MTV generation, what can't you do?
The KHL poses a threat to the NHLNote: The pic above has very little to do with the actual article...or does it?
He wouldn't be surprised to see another NHL team eventually end up in Ontario.
He's not sure about is Winnipeg.
He was offered an opportunity to go to Europe after retiring from the New York Rangers in 1999.
He often wonders why they had a lockout with the salaries the way they are now.
He thinks Bettman has done a tremendous job.
He thinks it's hard to pour more funds or more money into Olympic sports or amateur sports.
He thinks we're lucky enough now in the National Hockey League to have players like Crosby and Ovechkin.
With Robert Lang headed to Montreal this afternoon, it has to beg the question, are the Habs still in on the Sundin sweeps? With Lang set to make $4m this year, that only leaves just over a million for Mats. So hopefully this is the first step in a trend that sees teams moving on with their lives and leaving Sundin to rot. God willing.
PS - Aren't the Canadiens one of the last teams that needed to add more offense?
I have a problem.
You see, I like to get drunk. In fact, I like to get drunk on cheap wine. So whats the problem you ask? Well, I don't feel that my current wine of choice is saying much about me and my love of hockey. I mean, people come over to my house and see me drinking some generic merlot from the box, it's embarrassing. I could be a soccer fan for all they know.
That's where Wayne Gretzky comes in.
Wayne has solved this problem with a vengance, with his new line of wines from 99 Estates. Now everybody will know that you aren't just some asshole drunk, you are also a hockey fan. Choose from an unoaked chardonnay. Meritage, or a mouth adventuring ice-wine. All 3 are guaranteed to fuck you up. But what if your local Liquor Depot doesn't carry one of Wayne's creations? No problem, he will send it to you in the mail. I have to say, it's about damn time my childhood hero started selling me alcohol. Now if Ray Bourque would get off his ass and put his face on a pack of smokes, I would be set.
To order your first case of Wayne's booze, click here.
The Two-Line Pass had a good post yesterday about an interview Pavil Demitra did where he talks about the upcoming season in Vancouver, and his past experiences in Minny and St.Louis. He basically goes on to say that he likes offence, and dislikes defence. and how he hates line juggling. This of course begs the question, "then why did you sign with the Canucks, turd?".
Read the whole thing here, or just skim the best parts I have hi-lighted for you below. What a great person I am.
“When I was in Minnesota, I preferred playing the wing because the centre in Minnesota has to stay back and play defence,” Demitra admitted Monday. “In St. Louis, I preferred centre because I had the puck all the time.”
“I’m hoping they’re going to try to change it here and they’re going to play a little bit of offence here,”
“I had a good time when I played with Gabby. But what bugged me there, is that I never had a chance to play with the same guys. The first year, I played with Gabby for stretches but not really much in the the second year. The way it works there, the coach [Jacques Lemaire] was always switching guys and the lines around. I didn’t like that.
Greg at Puck Daddy has yet again posted the best story of the day, and it's only 9:30am. It seems the good people at CBS decided to invite Armstrong, Brown, Calder, and Gauthier of the Kings down to the Price is Right presumably so they can at least feel whats it's like to win at least once this season. It must be nice for the crowd of rednecks, college kids, and Navy Reserves to see that they are fighting a group of Millionaires for a brand new snow-cone maker.
Oh, and apparently Dustin Brown's shirt was pulled off in the middle of the whole thing. Seriously, can't that guy keep his clothes on for 2 minutes?
What colour is the sun in Oren & Len's world?
Do they really think that there is a slim chance in hell that Sundin is going to play for the Bolts next season? Why would he? Is it a dream of his to suit up for the worst team in hockey? Was it always a career ambition to play with Radim Vrbata? Or maybe he could just never turn down the opportunity to be the only Swede on a team with no GM, or Defence, or fans, or clear direction. Yes, that must be it.
PS - This goes for you as well Vancouver. Just replace Radim Vrabata with Darcy Hordichuck, and the rest of that crap with, umm, I don't know, let's say because you are boring.
TSN reports that Theo Fleury is planning to join the The Bentley Generals in an attempt to win the Allan Cup.
"I think I'm going to come back to try to win an Allan Cup, it would be nice to add that to the collection."I guess this makes sense considering all Canadian boys dream of winning the top trophy a team playing in the Chinook Hockey League can get. Reach for the stars, Theo, reach for the Stars!
Today was the day one of many prayers was answered, as I stumbled across This wonderful blog. It's called History of NHL Trades, and that's exactly what it is. A simple website that catalogues every trade, by year since 1960. I have been waiting for this for a long time. So no more, "who did Philadelphia Trade to get Hawerchuk from St.Louis in '96" because now I can just look it up! (The answer of course is he was traded for Craig McTavish).
Side Note: What's with that photo? Did the Coyotes retire Hawerchuks jersey? If they did, that may be the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
The dream of many a hockey fan is to own seasons tickets to their favorite team. But, depending on where you live, that dream may be a close reality, or about as likely as the Stanley Cup banner making it's way to the Air Canada Center anytime soon. The following is a list of all the teams, and what it's gonna set you back for the right to pay for $8 beers, and $20 parking.
Waiting List - No figures available
Columbus Blue Jackets
Fun Fact: When you visit the Red Wings website, and click on "2008-09 Full Season Plan" it sends you to Bluejackets.com. Try it yourself! (Note 2: They kind of fixed it. Now it sends you to Washingtoncapitols.com) Fucking Amazing.
Los Angeles Kings
(includes access to a Fishing Lodge, whatever that means)
New Jersey Devils
New York Islanders
New York Rangers
Waiting List - No figures available
Waiting List - No figures available
San Jose Sharks
Tampa Bay Lightning
Toronto Maple Leafs
Waiting List - No figures available
Waiting List - No figures available
It was funny to see that Florida offers Season Tickets for $387 when season tickets to my local Junior Hockey Team start at $486 and there is 10 less games. Also, nice to see Pittsburgh adopting the Toronto/Vancouver "if you have to ask, it's too expensive" motto. Weren't they moving to Kansas City a few years ago? Ah, How quickly we forget.
It has been reported by somebody, but I can't remember who, maybe it was Walter Cronkite, (note: This is why the mainstream media is so scarred of blogs, I am claiming my source is a fucking ghost and nobody can do shit about it), that the Kontinental Hockey League is prepared to offer Evgeni Malkin a 100 Million Dollar Contract, Tax Free.
And here is the kicker, it's for only 5 years.
Apparently he would get $50,000,000 up front as bonus, and then $10, 000, 000 a year after that. Ho-ly-shit.
Note from HockeyDump to Evgeni Malkin: I want to see you stay in NHL as much as the next guy, but when the crazy man offers to pay you $100,000,000 before you turn 27, you smile, sign the papers and fucking run. I don't care if there is a clause in the contract that says you have to sleep with his fat wife every night for the five years, with that kind of money you can wash your dick off on supermodels.
What does Bakersfield have to offer besides great ECHL action and flirty weather girls? I have no idea. But they definitely have those things wrapped up. This chick is practically begging for attention. I've seen new born babys that are less needy than this chick. She is about one small promotion away from making our prestigious Hockey Slut List. And that is what we call, "slutting your way to the middle".
PS - The odds that those two had her tied up on both ends like a pair of Chinese finger cuffs less than 3 minutes after that segment aired? About 2 to 1.
So if you are a fan of the McFarlane toys, then you might have some interest in this post. If you are not, click here for some Adult Erotica to tie you over until the next one.
So MacFarlane has announced that they will be offering a GM Place exclusive Trevor Linden Figure this coming October. If you are smart, you will be there opening day, buy as many as you can, and put them on ebay immediately. I find that these limited edition offerings often have a rather large percieved value to them, and that warm feeling can be fleeting. Nether the less, I'm sure I will get my hands on one.
Also, if you have had a chance to look at the new Series 20 that is out this November, you will no doubt be disappointed. It includes, but noy limited to, Iginla, Phaneuf, Lidstrom and Briere. These four aren't bad, but a bit boring. Don't they all have figures already? You can also get you dirty hands on Daniel Sedin, but not Henrik (they are twins, how hard could it have been to make both?), and if you are into collecting underachieving stars, there is also a Toskala, and Cheechoo for your liking. It's a good thing we didn't get any Kanes or Toews or Prices in there. That would have been horrible. Who picks who gets a figure down there anyways?
They will also be releasing the Legends Series 7 this coming October. It will include, a Stan Mikita, which is great, but I was hoping for an older Stan with the smooth helmet. They have also included the likes of Howe and Richard, and two each of Messier, and Gilmour.
You know what I'd like to see? A series of goons. I want a Tiger, a Semenko, a Probert, A Gino. That would be great. With their helmets and gloves off, and jerseys over their heads. You listening Todd? What? You don't read HockeyDump? Oh... well then,... nevermind.
Here they are. The Vegas odds on the 2008/09 Stanley Cup Champion. Who do you like?
Detroit Red Wings 4/1
Pittsburgh Penguins 11/2
San Jose Sharks 10/1
Montreal Canadiens 10/1
Dallas Stars 12/1
Anaheim Ducks 12/1
New York Rangers 15/1
Ottawa Senators 15/1
Philadelphia Flyers 15/1
Washington Capitals 18/1
New Jersey Devils 20/1
Carolina Hurricanes 22/1
Minnesota Wild 22/1
Colorado Avalanche 25/1
Boston Bruins 30/1
Buffalo Sabres 30/1
Calgary Flames 30/1
Nashville Predators 30/1
Vancouver Canucks 30/1
Chicago Blackhawks 35/1
Toronto Maple Leafs 40/1
Tampa Bay Lightning 45/1
Edmonton Oilers 50/1
Florida Panthers 50/1
Atlanta Thrashers 60/1
St. Louis Blues 60/1
New York Islanders 75/1
Phoenix Coyotes 75/1
Columbus Blue Jackets 75/1
Los Angeles Kings 100/1
How is Carolina 22/1, and LA is 100/1? I would love to see the logic that goes into these things.
What is with the army of ex-Canucks storming the nations capitol?
Jarkko Ruutu ?
Someone should phone up Bryan Murray and let him know that Byron Ritchie and Aaron Miller are still available.
Note: And doesn't Ryan Shannon just look as pretty as a baby pony with his shiny little trophy.
Sorry for the lack of posts to anyone that cares. I have been on my death bed with what can only best be described as the torture virus. It feels like someone is pouring bleach in my eyes. Good times.
I did notice that "FleuryofFun" did a nice little post of the Top Nicknames in hockey history. He did however miss a great one with Stan "The Steamer" Smyl.
Speaking of honored Canuck greats, (segway gold), Trevor Linden is going to have his number 16 retired this season. I think that The Isles, Caps, and Habs should get in on this as well. Maybe the NHL could retire his 16 throughout the league? I just hope they don't use the one he's wearing above. It has Kool-Aid all over it.*
* The jokes don't come easy when you are this sick.
Okay, this list is not composed of your usual lazy-ass, generic let's add an -er, or an -izzy type nicknames that seem so predominant in todays' NHL. These are classic "tell me something about the player" nicknames that are hard to come by. Forget your "Heater's" and "Nazzy's":
9. Andre "Red Light" Racicot
8. Frank "Raffles" Boucher
7. Johan "The Mule" Franzen
6. Carson "Shovel Shot" Cooper
5. Alfred "The Embalmer" Pike
4. Maurice "The Rocket" Richard
3. Bernard "Boom Boom" Geoffrion
2. Pat "The Little Ball of Hate" Verbeek
1. George "The Chicoutimi Cucumber" Vezina
Honorable mentions: "Gump" Worsley, "Tiger" WIlliams and "Butch" Goring. These aren't particularly great nicknames but when your own mother can't remember your real name, well that says something.
NOTE: I also discovered that Glen "Slats" Sather's player nickname was "Tomato Face". How could you put it any better?
This is the third time I will have honored a post with the "Nude" tag this month. The only difference between this classic Hextall, and the previous Tlusty, and Brown posts, is that Hextall was lucky enough that the cameraman was on the ball that night. Almost literally.
So with all the hockey blogs losing their respective shit over the fact Mats Sundin is going to be playing in this big Celebrity Charity Hockey Game in Toronto, I thought I would do some investigating of my own on the game itself. It turns out that you don't legally have to have actual celebrities to call it a celebrity game. You see, the list of Hollywood heavy hitters committed to the event include:
Alan Thicke (Growing Pains)
DB Sweeney (The Cutting Edge)
Cameron Bancroft (I have no idea)
Jason Reitman (Directed Juno, and those NHL commercials)
Tim Robbins ( A bunch of shit)
So basically, the game that is packed with NHL stars had just enough cache to bring in a B-Lister, a C-Lister, 2 D-Listers, and some dude that may or may not mow my lawn. Where are the old stand-bys? Where is Jason Priestly, Matthew Perry, and Dennis Leary? Those are 2 solid C-listers and a D lister right there. And what about throwing a pair of skates on Elisha Cuthbert, or one of the other hockey skanks? Don't they count? All I'm saying is that if you can't bring in any real celebrities, then don't bother calling it a celebrity game. You might as well call it the "Direct to DVD Super Challenge!"